Of late, I’ve taken more to social media than ever before. Maybe it’s the recent flood of GOOD jokes (finally!) following the US presidential elections or the plain ol’dog videos (I do not know), but I’ve been spending quite a while glued to the screen. Between all the political arguments and the mindless ‘social’ pieces, photos and life events of people I wouldn’t care to see in real life pop up on my feed and the funny thing is I sit up and take note. Okay, it isn’t really funny- actually, it’s kinda sad- but hey, I’m like Jane Know-it-all! (Ah, well, that was my attempt at ‘funny’ and don’t tell me it blew! I KNOW!)
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Humor me there, and let me tell you why I am suddenly talking of my timeline. You see there are countless (no, wait, there are fourteen, twenty-three, fifty….nah, countless)- so, countless people getting engaged!
WTF, you say- that’s hardly news. Right?
Suggested read: Someday, you will miss me and I won’t
In the midst of the recent topsy-turvy stream of socio-political events (Toblerone became a shapeshifter, man!), this stale piece of revelation is, at best, meh!
But stay and read on.
I am not writing one of those why-is-nobody-asking-me-out pieces (coz I think a “why-am-I-not-finding-love piece” would be far too nuanced- you see- because the speed at which the number of people already engages or getting engaged around me is rising, I am not sure if it is really happening out of love or because they found someone convenient enough, just enough, to get over with the sh*t. I am no Einstein — not on something as complicated and at times as headache-inducing as love anyway — but I am fairly sure that it is not so commonplace. Road rage, may be. Love, I don’t think so) but highlighting another aspect of this awww–you-like-my-dog-let’s-get-married trend on the rise.
None of us are strangers to the memes that are intended to make the ‘forever-single’ part of the populace feel good about their chronic(?) singledom (but which almost always end up making us feel worse, behind the smiles) and while all of the self-deprecating humor is really hilarious and never gets old (unlike those of us who shall die old and single), the proliferation of this good-natured content brings an important question to my mind.
What the hell is this conflicted feeling I get whenever an engagement announcement is followed by one such ‘hilarious’ meme that does not feel that hilarious, in the moment?
I can bet Mr. He-who-must-not-be-named President’s ‘respect for womankind’ your answer to that is jealousy.
It should be that simple.
Because life IS just THAT simple. (yes, folks, I am doing the infamous eyeroll!)
Helloooooo,(if you didn’t get it already), it isn’t.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
I have friends who have vowed themselves off marriage with a happy ‘I do’ feeling a taste of disappointment at watching marriage pictures flood their feed. Soon, these pictures turning to overflowing diaper pails and screaming toddlers in ‘still happy’ parents’ lives leave my friends with an even sour-er aftertaste!
And I will tell you what- the feeling is more selfish than plain annoyance but far too less romantic than jealousy.
It is plain disappointment.
To cut the crap short, we f*cking love romance. We lap that sh*t up like our dog licks us when we key in after a long day at work! Romance makes for most of our art, literature, cinema and heck, even majority of Matthew McConaughey’s career! Romantic relationships are glorified everywhere- and we LOVE that!
So, when this ‘staple’ of a life ‘worthy of being lived’ gets splattered on our assessment-boards of other people’s lives, we feel like they’ve got their sh*t together. If not all, then way more than those of us still straddling in the sh*tsea of dating!
And this twinge of disappointment, this unsettling bubble of anxiety isn’t jealousy- it’s like one of those feelings you get when your exam results are to be announced and you have a sneaking suspicion you are going o flunk! Or the shame that prematurely kicks in your gut when you feel you shall get picked last in gym class. Or worse, for prom!
It’s the tiniest, most discreet whisper that slips a ‘you are not good enough’ in your ear and vanishes before you can hold the impish swig and punch it!
And I understand this. In a world that constantly judges you by the ‘benchmark choices,’ an absence of love, particularly after a certain stage in life, can make you feel like you are ‘less than.’ It can make you feel like you are racing against time, and the more you hold out (if at all you are), the more time you are wasting. And since time is no less of a s*cker, you can almost always feel like you can’t keep up and are falling behind.
But therein lies the answer. There’s no race.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Comparisons triggered by social media’s projection of other people’s lives can bring no good.
I mean, sure Carrie from your last workplace got married, but to the same loser she’d caught cheating on her on three different occasions with three different women! How is that any less sh*tty, eh? Sure, Ann bought her first home and she makes for a pretty picture on her couch with her husband and li’l baby- but she is the same b*tch who was never content with what she has and always envied another’s happiness!
So- why judge ourselves with what other people are doing and where they’re at?
Suggested read: 5 simple truths and tips about dating someone with depression
The constant reminder of ‘benchmark stages’ might work well when we compete against the clock to work or pursue our passions- but love isn’t timed. It is just what it is, when it is, where it is.
So no matter the number of people around getting engaged and those of’em who ask you when you are, know just this one thing: the cake always tastes better when ‘tis with the one who loves you, no matter the time, until the end of time! Until then, enjoy the cake, by yourself!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
