Scenario 1: Lately, my girlfriend has become obsessed with where I spend every waking minute of my life when I’m not with her. She texts me constantly; calls me regularly; and even gives me surprise visits to places I go to with my buddies. First, I thought it was adorable that she cared so much about me. Then it became annoying that she needs constant reassurance that I’m not cheating on her. Later on, it made me furious with her. She has no sense of personal space whatsoever. What do I do?
Suggested read: How men act when they feel the women are better than them
Scenario 2: It’s not normal for my wife to act distant and cold. But she had been – for a couple of weeks now. When I asked her what the problem was, she dismissed it saying it wasn’t important and to let the matter go. So I did. When she continued to act unlike her usual self, I asked her to spit out what was bothering her so much. Then she admitted that she’d read a text – from work – on my Blackberry. She hadn’t stopped there, but had continued to read other texts as well. One in particular had her worried; it just had the message ‘I love you too’ from an unknown number. It was from my mom, from her new number. At first, I was furious with her that she didn’t trust me enough to let me have some privacy, and also because she’s an emotionally strong and trusting person. Later on, I forgave her momentary lapse in judgment and told her that I had nothing to hide.
Image source: Shutterstock
Scenario 3: I’m fortunate to have found a very honest and trusting companion who says that ‘her life is an open book’. But I found her desk drawer locked for the first time after all we’ve been through together. I wasn’t prying; I was just looking for a utility bill to find out some pertinent detail. I wonder what made her lock her drawer from me in the first place. Should I confront her about it?
One or more of the aforementioned scenarios play out in most relationships. Maybe not exactly the way they’re mentioned, but in some way or the other, it will happen to you in life.
Everyone has their personal space and privacy, which they guard cautiously. They also want it to be respected. It doesn’t automatically vanish when you enter into a relationship. Coming from disparate backgrounds and raised in different environments, it becomes tricky when two people live together, whether in a live-in arrangement or a marriage.
Personal space
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You may love your partner madly, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend your every waking second together. Every person is wired differently and it’s perfectly natural to need some alone time – away from your partner. You’re both individuals with different tastes, different hobbies, and different interests. It is important for you and also for your relationship that you have a sense of individuality amidst a sense of oneness with your partner.
Indulge yourself, once or twice a week, by pursuing that art class or pottery class you’ve always wanted to go to – alone. Pursuing separate interests from your partner doesn’t mean you don’t care about your partner or that there’s something wrong with your relationship. It just means that you want to be an individual – sans your partner, at least for a couple of hours. This separation makes you miss each other. This missing and longing for each other can refresh and revitalize your relationship.
Suggested read: 10 signs your girlfriend is cheating on you
If you and your partner view needing space differently, that’s when problems may crop up. This can be avoided by communicating to your partner that you need more space and time for yourself. You can always hit the gym or have a night out on the town with your buddies/girlfriends while your partner has privacy at home – alone, to do whatever.
Understanding and accepting that you and your partner may have different needs for personal space is important for your relationship.
Privacy
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You are at your desk and realize that it’s not the way you last left it. The first thought that occurs to you is that your partner was snooping. Hold your horses before you jump to conclusions! Maybe your partner went through your stuff to look for something in particular and wasn’t prying. But it’s a real possibility that your partner was snooping around. Then, it is a problem.
When you’re living with someone, it does happen that your stuff’s been rifled through. It’s okay if it’s just simple looking, but it becomes a problem only when it’s been done without a valid reason. Nobody likes being snooped about. It’s a violation of your trust and creates resentment and a sense of betrayal. The need to keep something private doesn’t mean that your partner has something to hide.
Certain things and aspects of your partner’s life are off-limits to you. It’s not intentional; it’s just the way it is. It’s not about lack of trust or either about hiding something vital from you. Get that through your head, accept it, deal with it, and move on.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Respecting each other’s privacy is a two-way street. You can’t expect your partner to respect your privacy and in the same breath, you can’t go around sniffing around their private stuff. If and when your partner feels the need to share something private with you, it’s their prerogative. But, neither should you compel your partner to share it with you nor should your partner feel obligated in some manner to divulge it – when your partner is clearly not at ease doing it – at least at that point in time.
You can resolve this need for privacy by talking it out with your partner by creating boundaries for the both of you.
Suggested read: 3 reasons why Facebook might be killing your relationship
In conclusion
Alone time and privacy are both natural human needs. If your partner expects these from you, it’s only natural to acquiesce. These aren’t unreasonable demands in a relationship. You just have to understand and accept that each and every person is wired differently, ergo think and act differently too.
Unintentional find
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
If you do find anything suspicious or out-of-character stuff inadvertently, you should talk to your partner about it. Don’t let it go if it’s keeping you awake at night with worry. You can determine whether it was something nefarious or something truly trivial by your partner’s words and actions when you confront them. They’re either going to become defensive or laugh about out, and explain what the fuss is all about.
Featured image source: Shutterstock
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
