After a long, long time, my girls were in town! Tonight was going to be one helluva night – with giant globs of gossip poured down in endless lines of martinis, the cheery toasts to our fantastic friendship! As I tiptoed out the door, lest I wake up Bruno, I found my furry friend up and waiting at the door to kiss me goodbye! With some of Bruno’s slurpy love painted on my face, I completed my look with the final touch of a smile that I knew would soon turn into girly giggling, rib-cracking chuckling, and pee-your-pants laughter! As I drove down to Avenue, the streets of the big Apple seemed to buzz past me in a blur. I noticed nothing about the city I loved so much, for I had my fantastic five waiting for me! And as soon as I was parking, my phone buzzed. It was Sam! I told her I was there and would be in, in another five!
After some crazy screaming that I’d oftentimes rolled my eyes at when others did it, I realized that we couldn’t do away with this teenage ritual and thereafter, decided to give the ones I’d been doling out unnecessary cut looks to, some smiles from next time onward! See, friends just make you a better person – friends who have stuck by you through the s**t and the treat!
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Soon enough, we were chatting away – the ticks of the clock non-existent – chatting about old times, our classmates – the numbskulls who pushed open challenging doors for bragging rights, the basic b*tches, the dolts, and of course, us! As more drinks were downed, more risqué subjects were laid bare, and soon, we were discussing married sex! Three among the five of us, save for myself and Sam, were married and Sam was going to be a married woman in three months’ time! This gave her cold feet, especially when she thought about sex after marriage! And despite her repeated emphatic assertions about not wanting to get into the nooks and crannies, she poked and prodded through layers and layers of their married sex accounts to find any proof to confirm the stereotype that married sex was, indeed, boring!
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Although any proof to evince her fear of losing out on the passion post-marriage didn’t come along, she got really worked up (maybe it was the alcohol) and we drove her back. Lying in bed, during the wee hours of the morning I kept thinking on the subject and tried to understand why ‘passionate,’ ‘hot,’ ‘steamy,’ ‘exciting,’ and their siblings were the last words on anybody’s mind when they traced out relationships with married sex!
And I realized that most people who talk about sex after marriage as bland and boring are either looking at it from the outside (like Sam) or are victims of the very same twisted lie they have fed themselves before marriage, so as to allow the sex after marriage to actualize the lie! And soon, I was up, typing away all the reasons why I think sex after marriage, contrary to popular perception (A LIE and a stereotype, masquerading as truth and destroying marriages and relational lives) is, in fact, pretty awesome:
1. Married sex provides an intimacy that is unmatched
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You know why the kind of sexual tension that makes him pursue you and be drawn to bed by you fizzles out after a while? Coz sexual tension, of the superficial kind alone, isn’t enough to sustain a lasting bond. An emotional intimacy that develops with complete vulnerability (not just of your naked body) provides a relationship with the regenerating energy that gives him the same quivering sensation as he felt when he first kissed you like you were air. Decoding his unique ‘desire imprint’ that includes a connection forged at physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual (if at all) levels is essential to rock the boat forever! Needless to add, it is a two-way process! Intimacy is defined as ‘Into Me You See’ for a reason. And only a true commitment to another, that allows one to be completely vulnerable, shall offer the bliss that the union of two bodies and souls has to offer!
2. Married sex establishes a connection at all levels
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When you are with a person you know inside out, you know that making love isn’t just a f**k you give – it is a constant connection that sprinkles love, care, connection, compassion, joy, and even meaning on to your marriage platter! And whether it happens right on the kitchen floor whilst he took you ravenously by surprise or on your bed, with the tenderness of a lover who wants to learn every inch of you – it always brings you a little more closer!
3. Married sex thrives in the safety and security of commitment
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Let’s be honest – sex is something that gets better with time. Like wine! 😉 In fact, Elena, our friend who tried to allay Sam’s fears, told her that after three years of marriage and an adorable toddler, her sex life is better than it has ever been! And I learnt from her later that it most definitely didn’t start there! Coz there is so much about each other that one constantly needs to learn about that the deep, meaningful sexual relationship one wants in marriage also has to grow from effort and practice. And that takes time. Marriage gives you those endless ticks of the clock – coz well, you said ‘I do’ for forever! 😉
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4. Married sex revs up the fun factor vis-à-vis familiarity
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Hollywood has been a liar – teaching us that the hottest f**ks are with different people! Buddy, if she is faking it coz she is wondering what that weird thing is that you do with your hand down there – you are more likely to be excited coz you think she is liking it! Marriage isn’t like that – marriage gives you some time to get an advanced degree in each other’s bodies. So when you make love, you do not have to tell each other what works for you and what turns you off like an insta-switch! The security of the familiar makes you free to enjoy things you like, open to ask, experiment, and even feel frank enough to say ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ There is something endearing about making love to a person whose rhythm is in sync with yours and who you do not have to hide anything from – with whom you never have to worry about performing like a porn star. This does not mean that the sex is bland – only more free, playful, and even better and better as you add more kink! I mean, think of handcuffing the woman who has borne your kids and let her whisper your name as you fill the bed between her thighs! Mush-much! You bet! And HOTTTTTT – you bet your butt, hot!!
5. Married sex maximizes physical pleasures vis-à-vis practice and consequent perfection
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When you are taking a GOOD time to complete your dissertation on each other’s bodies and the way it allows something deep within you to connect, the sex is bound to be GREAT! Practice makes perfect and that sure holds for physical pleasures too – if you are having one-night stands, you will never know coz where’s the practice hon – you might be making the same moves that you were misled to believe work! When you are married, sex is like the 24-hour diner that you can feast on anytime (and no, I do not mean it in a crass way), you are free to pull him right into bed when he’s out of the shower for a quickie and of course, there’s the weekend afternoon sex that is just the BEST! There is just no schedule and yet, you just know when the other person is in the mood and man, do they need to push the right buttons to switch you on too! As such, married sex becomes a roller coaster ride, more exhilarating and fun with every subsequent ride! 😉
6. Married sex isn’t cluttered with unnecessary worry
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No worries about the Joneses who are doing it every day, nor worries about the mole or whether she likes oral – there is nothing you do not know! There are no qualms in going for steamy missionary or some rockin’ doggy style! There’s a person you can be completely YOU with, and as such, there are no worries about being anything save YOU! Coz he/she loves you for YOU!
7. Married sex isn’t ceremonious and you work it BEST
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Rolling over to sleep after you are done or replying to an important text doesn’t call for a matter of urgent discussion with pals! When you are married, sex is special – always! And you don’t need a sense of ceremony around it all the time!
8. Married sex spins the magical out of the mundane
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When you are married, there is as much fun in the foreplay as in a quickie that does not call for the dilly-dallying! When you are enjoying a family dinner, some footsie can call for a ravishing romp later whilst doing laundry can somehow call for doing something dirty whilst some clothes get cleaner and the ones on are dropped to the floor! Marriage is a lifetime companionship that entails spending 20,000 forgettable Fridays together or having dinner in the same room for the 3645th time – wouldn’t hurt to put some fun n’ frolic in it! And trust me, the sex does just that! Try it – there’s no place for it like the movies advocate – everywhere’s the playground if you are game! 😉
9. Married sex is brimming with enviable experimentation
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A one-night stand does not give you the scope for experimentation. A person who you are married to and whose body’s ways are something you know by heart is someone you can play it out with. Handcuffs, clamps, balls, whips – whatever your heart desires! Talk it out, agree on it, and do it!
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10. Married sex has its own secret code, really
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Married sex has its own system of invites and codes – when you want to have him/her right then, all you have to do is give them *the look.* Sometimes, when they aren’t looking, a text like ‘would you give me an orgasm now?’ works – for your husband, the most wonderful man in the world and the most incredible lover, shall reply ‘You got it, hon!’ 😉 See – so easy!
And by the way, since my hubby-to-be is reading too, I’d like for the rest of you to avert your gaze now and for my hon to read on – you got it, hon! :* 😉
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