“Now girls are often raised to see love only as giving. Women are praised for their love when that love is an act of giving. But to love is to give AND to take.” -Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
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Why falling in love is so hard for strong independent women? It is because they know that love comprises of giving and taking, and they dare to say no to anyone who thinks otherwise.
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A strong independent woman knows the truth, has the courage to accept the truth and the nerve to speak it out loud. And what is this truth? Equality. She knows she is equal to any man, and she knows she is deserving of the same amount of love that she is required to shower on those she loves.
And that to be deserving of love and respect she need not be exceptionally good at sacrificing, compromising and relinquishing her little wishes, but just as good as the man she loves.
A strong independent woman does not just want her freedom, she needs it. She knows the value of a “me time”. She knows that after falling in love, a woman’s “me time” does not magically get molded into “we-time”, where “we” is more you and very little me. She knows that a woman has to forgo her little wishes to not just appear morally superior but to feed the ego of a man whose moral inferiority is “expected of him”. If he is morally as great as you than he is doing you a favor, and so, you are indebted to him for life.
The lower morality that I spoke of, is humanity or human nature, which comes naturally to both men and women, but women are expected to be above it. And very few realize that this expectation is a major source of discrimination.
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A strong independent woman knows that she does not have to twist and twirl to fit into boxes that others have designed for them. And all that just to become “deserving” of someone’s love? Not in a million years! Because if she was to change who she is to suit the man who loves her, then isn’t he changing the very things about her that attracted him towards her in the first place?
For a strong and independent woman, falling in love and staying in love is not just about love itself, but about respect. You need to understand this. Yes, love is not enough, if it does not have a very-much-stated feeling of mutual respect.
Suggested read: When Strong, Independent Women Fall In Love
A strong independent woman educates herself constantly about her rights as well as her duties. She realizes the sacrifices great women and men have made to give her the life and the privileges that she enjoys, privileges that are considered routine for men, but women had to earn for themselves. She knows she is empowered, and she knows she needs to use her education to empower others. A strong independent woman thus, has a mind of her own and she is not afraid to think out loud. And if that intimidates you, then you are exactly the kind of man she wouldn’t want to date!
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A strong independent woman has a mind that thinks and she expects you to respect that. Argue with her if you do not agree with her contention, because you have an opinion that differs from her. Do not argue with her to shut her down because she is a woman.
Strong independent women have a hard time falling in love because they cannot not be her own hero. She has discovered and repeated the thought to herself, over the years, that she is her own knight in shining armor. She cannot unlearn it or pretend that she never knew this.
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When faced with a problem, her first instinct will be to solve it herself. Asking for help does not come naturally to her.
Falling in love requires one to be vulnerable and open their hearts, allowing the one they love to step in. This is difficult for a strong and independent woman who has gathered fences around her heart and bolted it tightly from inside so that no one is privy to her emotions. Opening up makes her feel weak, a feeling she isn’t comfortable with.
When a person learns to rely on themselves, they know how to walk through hell with a smile. Most of the time, the people around her, even the closest ones, will have no clue about her problems. For someone like this, it is difficult to let that one person help her too, because she doesn’t know how that is done.
I consider myself a strong and independent woman, and I know the dark side of being this warrior lady that everyone looks up to. Our anxiety issues and our inability to trust quickly is something we are very aware. However, if we were to be in a relationship, these issues are likely to rumble to life. We would have to dwell on these emotions, and accept how terrified we are of them. Getting close to someone or trusting someone more than you trust yourself, is scary for us.
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The lives of strong powerful women are designed to be solo. We have mastered how to shelter ourselves from uncertainties, and one of the biggest uncertainties in life is the love shared in a romantic relationship.
Women who are self-confident know exactly how their life is going to unfold, step by step. This is because they have always taken their own decisions. Allowing someone else into this equation, makes them feel like their control over their lives in sliding. Even the thought of it is terrifying.
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Hope is a good thing, but is it? Falling in love makes one hopeful that the relationship will be something they will cherish in the years to come, but doesn’t it also mean accepting that something bad might come out of this; that this affair will do more harm than good? We have been disappointed before, and we cannot sign up for the pain and regret, all over again.
Falling in love, means risking our hearts again. Having the courage to lay it bare and at the mercy of someone, who can adorn it or stomp on it.
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We are scared of commitments, because we have been failed before. We are scared of getting attached to people, people who we misjudged to be our people, only to realize that they wanted us, craved us, but never valued us.
Strong independent women find it hard to fall in love because being alone does not scare them as much as ending up with the wrong person does.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License
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