First things first, I am a sucker for romance. I spend most of my days reading, writing, watching, talking, and living romance. In other words, I breathe it. But as much as I love feeding off the diet of fairy tales and happily ever afters, I am afraid I have to throw up some.
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The one is a lie.
The idea of the one breeds an impossible dream about a mythical creature – the only one for you – who will magically appear out of nowhere and love you so much that life, thereafter, would be spent in a castle upon clouds of love-filled fuzziness!
And for all of us who LIVE the real, here’s the rub: this magic doesn’t happen.
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We meet many, love a few, and believe that a handful of these are the one. And quite honestly, believe it even after the years have rolled by, and reason it with ‘if onlys’…
Then, what’s the deal about ‘the one,’ ‘the only one,’ and castles, and dreams and forever magical love?
Sure, there will be castles and love and even magic, but it won’t be the way you think it would be.
Suggested read: Why none of us need the forever love…
The one who you keep dreaming about will not be a mythical soul mate but a flesh and blood partner who will hold your hand on those long walks on the beach, and then, build you sandcastles when you are both tired from the walk. You will sit beside him whilst his hands fashion the grand castle and laugh when he imprints your name right at the top, where the queen’s chamber is meant to be! He will perhaps, utter a cheesy line too, and this time, you will laugh harder. And he will kiss you and tell you you are magical. You will slap him in jest.
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Years later, you will watch the very same hands build a fort with your kids and you will laugh again. And just when the Lego-fort is complete, a small artistic alteration by your li’l one will bring your husband’s two-hours’ worth of investment crumbling down, and he will look at you and you will laugh harder. Later, as you put the mischievous architect to sleep, he will kiss you again and tell you you are magical. And you will believe him.
He will be right by your side through charmed times and hard times. He will love you through mistakes and through the surging pain of former heartache. He will be patient when a particular thing takes you back to an awful memory of an ex and lend you his shoulder to lean on and cry. He will ride the waves of your volatile emotions like a seaman who isn’t afraid of the storms for he lives for the journey. He will wipe away your tears of frustration at seemingly trivial things with a gentle hand and an understanding heart and hug you fiercely when you have lost a loved one. He will hold your hair back when you have a face pack on, and read to you when you are too tired to do so yourself. He will adore you for your beauty but love your freckles and frowns with a deep passion. He will feed you ice cream when you are pregnant with his child and tell you you are strong and beautiful when you are delivering, even as you refuse to believe it yourself whilst packing him a punch or two!
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And this man will be by your side, not because you are some fairy or princess but because you are home.
Where his mundane is magic and magic, even in its mundane-ness, still magical!
Where his LOVE will make you believe in the magic of being YOU… The magic of being loved simply for being YOU…
To you too, he will seem like a magical being – a soul mate descended straight from the heavens!
Coz he will work overtime so he can feed you something other than eggs on toast, coz he will paint your toenails when you are heavy with child, coz he will change dirty nappies without flinching and stay up late to rock the fussy baby so you can get some sleep, even when he has to head to work early the next day.
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But you will see the REAL-ness behind his magic too – his porn-binges, his X-Box marathons, his habit of leaving his undies on the bathroom floor, socks on the couch, towel on the bed, and laughing hard at dirty jokes! Not to forget how he will let one rip, without warning and will always, always load the washing machine wrong! But to you, he will be no less magical because of these things. Coz you LOVE him…
Suggested read: Why your true soul mate will never complete you
But stumbling upon this person you could call home, a soul mate who isn’t magical but weaves magic in his real-ness, does not magically happen.
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You meet several soul mates who you believed were ‘the one’ and went through a dozen heartbreaks – give or take a few – before you met this person. By then, you’d almost given up on love, realizing you could not love ever again, only to begin to love like never before.
And when you do, you do not undo the love of the ones you had loved before but only pray and hope and love that ‘the one’ you are with now, even though not the first one in your life – remains the last ‘the one’ you’d ever have to seek.
For love is just like that.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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