Even though we teach children not to lie, it’s impossible to function while trying to stick to the truth all the time. Although it is immoral and unethical, lying saves one a lot of trouble. No matter how much we try to avoid it all our lives, we all have be economical with the truth in practical life.
Honesty and trust are the mutually exclusive pillars of any bond. Despite lying being almost unavoidable, it does cause harm sometimes, and shake the very foundation of the relationship. Without honesty, you can’t carry on a functional, stable, healthy relationship.
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If so, then why do men lie? It’s not just men, but women too lie. However, there’s overwhelming evidence that men lie more often than women. So let’s examine some of the reasons behind this.
1. To avoid the little outburst and maintain peace.
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If you happen to have a wrong approach to prioritizing, in spite of knowing that it is not right and you tell a tiny little lie, what you often convince yourself, is a white lie; what is the big harm? At times, you blame others for something that your irresponsibility caused thinking that it doesn’t matter how it happened. The fact remains that it happened and you have to deal with it. It might be about a cigarette that you sneakily smoked, or something you did instead of running the errand you were supposed to. If you speak the trut,h you know she will flip. Why, then, would you bring the commotion upon yourself?
2. Sometimes, men lie to keep their peace of mind.
It could be about a simple loan or a bill or a gift, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes, you tell people what they want to hear and avoid a lot of discussion and apprehension and drama. That way, the truth doesn’t change but at least there’s no unnecessary agonizing over it.
3. Unable to figure out how much is too much.
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While communicating uninhibitedly and freely is what is considered ‘right’ in a relationship, you often end up twisting your own words after you have said too much. You can’t say love instead of like too soon; it will send her running for the hills. You can’t tell her that the real reason behind missing the important family dinner was watching a game with your friends and not immense workload. Lying is often mandatory and that pretty much answers the question about why do men lie?
4. To avoid hurting someone’s feelings
It is very tricky to handle questions that might affect someone’s self-esteem. No one wants to be the one to deliver the bitter truth; just as parents don’t want to tell kids that Santa Claus isn’t real. Therefore, when a person asks you if they look like they’ve gained weight; even if the answer is a plain and obvious yes, you go for a diplomatic one that doesn’t sound false or take too much time to think. This holds true for if they can carry off the outfit or if all the working out is actually working or if their voice is slightly pitchy. Lying is necessary for the preservation of relationships and feelings.
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5. A total miscomprehension
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What may appear to be lying may have been, in fact, a miscomprehension by the listener. Certain people only hear what they want to hear. In the 2016 movie, How To Be Single, a guy tells a girl that he doesn’t think having a long term relationship would benefit them and that it might end up hurting her; so, he is only telling her that because he cares for her and all she concludes is that he cares for her and hugs him. Of course, this kind of behavior is not restricted to any particular gender but people, in general, have a tendency to not hear the bit that they don’t want to.
6. You are embarrassed to admit the truth.
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Like the truth about your salary or that fact that you smoke when she’s not around, or perhaps the fact that you watch adult movies without her knowledge. Conventionally, these are supposed to be indecent and maybe you think that she might be offended or insulted by things like these. The truth is that most men indulge in such things, and there is nothing wrong with it. Everyone has their vices. It’s not exactly lying per se, but a kind of overlooking to enlighten her to certain facts.
7. To avoid any inconvenience.
Basically, lying is a way to avoid inconvenience and you only avoid or run away from things when you fear dealing with it. Therefore, it may be a character flaw or it might be a result of cowardice, but most importantly, if you feel the need to lie to your partner every time, and can’t openly talk about anything, there may be something wrong with the relationship or the person you are lying to. It takes two hands to make a clap, and it may not always be the man’s fault somehow. Understanding is as crucial as honesty in a relationship. We keep asking the question why do men lie, but how often do we ask what is it that causes them to lie?
So, how do we deal with it?
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As said before, understanding is the key to long term happiness in any relationship. Instead of judging him, try to comprehend his predicament and his intentions behind lying to you. For all you know, he might have been meaning to do some good or prevent something bad from happening. From his perspective, it could have been a tiny white lie. Properly used, it could end up saving the day.
Here’s the thing though, it should always be the last resort. When you perjure yourself, it should mean that it is your last option. It’s hard to say which one would a woman detest more – a compulsive liar or a people pleaser?
Despite the fact that lying is a fundamental part of our practical lives, there’s no way to love a man who can’t present facts as they are. No one likes a man who twists the truth and tries to manipulate you for his gain. While each particular issue comes with its own array of circumstances and grounds for lying, there are some common reasons for the lies, and those are not meant to be neglected, supported or compromised with.
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He could be lying unnecessarily about something trivial today, and this obviously shakes the very foundation of your relationship. Tomorrow, you’ll be worrying about some huge lie he may have told you. Mistrust and paranoia are surefire venom for any relationship. Sometimes, there is a causal problem beneath the lie and one can try to understand it. However, if he puts his needs before any consideration for your feelings, you need to beware of him and be rid of him as soon as possible.
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So, don’t make any rash assumptions or decisions. Forcing him into a confrontation is not the best option either. When people are caught red handed, they tend to run away or worse, react defensively in that situation. Don’t stress yourself over a man who doesn’t respect you enough. Instead, calmly inquire him at the right time and place. That is the safest way to get the truth out of a man and know all the aspects of the situation.
After you know everything, introspect over the seriousness of the lies and how much you are willing to put up with. If it is too much to accept and you don’t think you can trust them ever again, don’t waste your time and terminate the relationship with the least amount of drama. Otherwise, if you think that it’s okay and you’re willing to bear with it, give him another chance. As two rational, grown-up individuals, work it out amongst yourselves in the most mature manner possible.
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