Follow me on Instagram is the new black, eh? Facebook took it over for a billion dollars and sure it was worth it! Everyone knows the filters by heart now! The moment we click a picture we know whether it’s going to be ‘amaro’ or ‘valencia’ or ‘slumber!’ But hashtags are a different saga; anything that will make you #instafamous is your dope, though it is evident that you are brazenly beseeching likes with things like #likesreturnedIpromise!!

And last but not least, we have them poses!! “Everybody got their reason, everybody got their way!” Which one’s yours?!

Let’s look at the several Instagram poses that have become typical of the Insta feed:

Hint: We are giving you mush more than mere poses- we are unveiling the mystery.

Mission: Instagram Poses Decoding.

1. Basic selfies

These are of 2 kinds:

Sober selfies: This has a lot of thought put in, not necessarily yours but copied (inspired?) from the feed of the people you follow. Also, this has been taken 99 times before the final masterpiece was allowed to go live! P.S: The attire was planned a week in advance and borrowed from a frenemy!

Not so sober selfies: The face-distorted selfies! The ones where you try too hard! Enough said!

2. “I am so swanky” pose

Angle that waist and look away from the camera and voila! You have mastered the most pretentious of Instagram poses! Brownie points if you take a picture in a glam outfit in a drab place, like a go-down, a haunted house or a wrecked taxi!

3. Sideways pic

“There are days when I feel sideways!” 200 more likes because you rotated your stupid picture by 90 degrees!

4. The head tilt

Everyone on Instagram, counting the dogs and the cats, have got a grip on this pose! This is a pretty simple manoeuvre to transform your otherwise lacklustre selfie into a cute AF picture! Also, it doesn’t look like you are trying way too hard, which you actually are!

5. Shady lady

For all those women who were either busy mugging up for their history exams last night or got wasted big time, (99 out of 100 cases belong in the latter category!), this is your pose. It is also a good excuse to flaunt your shade collection without coming across as tawdry!

6. Pensive pose

Image source: Pinterest

The philosopher in you didn’t get a better place! And then to make things worse, you put quotes by Rumi for pictures like these. How much is too much?!

7. Mirror selfie

At least, make sure the glass is clean! And yes, also that it doesn’t give out more than what you bargained for! 😉

The added advantage, nonetheless, is that people (Instapeople!!) will know which phone you use!!

8. The smize

People who resort to this pose know that they are sexy AF! This is the only singular pose that you know and yet need hours of ‘reyaz’ before actually doing it!

9. Tongue-out pose

Silly, stupid, and carefree in the ratio of 20:79:1! You spend the major portion of your dough on white sneakers (mainly converses) and 70s style shades! Your hair is a bun always and you are full of pride about how you wash it only once a month! Your goofy pose may be accompanied by a peace sign, further adding to your futility.

10. Glam-up selfie

This is the one-eyed selfie (monster?). “Coz there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew!” These dudettes also mimic the fish gape which looks like they are trying to catch flies! Ya, fundamentally, I hate you!

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Suggested read: How to look thin in photographs in 7 easy steps

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11. Candid shots (Yeah, right!)

“#LOL #OMG #I #had #no #clue #you #were #taking #a #picture #of #me! Planned candid-ers, I hate you more. And please STOP adding quotes from Goodreads!

12. Middle finger

No f*cks to give? Basically this one’s from me too… so, let’s leave it at that! 😛

So which of these Instagram poses have you been accused of using too often? Let us know by posting your selfie in the comment section below! #Instasignoff!