It happens just like that. You are stretched across your bed on a lazy afternoon, scrolling through your feed when you stumble upon a post they shared- and a jolt that starts in the hollow of your stomach makes its way upward, tying your being in knots and ending as a giant lump in your throat. You wish to force it out, but it only bumps around inside, like a ball that never ceases to bounce, but only bruises.
Suggested read: Why letting go isn’t a complete process, ever
It happens just like that. Years after a stiff pair of new jeans is worn in, until it mellows into a favorite fit and then, one day, you just outgrow the pair. It is the same pair that you couldn’t do without, but something about it feels off. Not right anymore.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
It happens just like that. A person who had become habit, suddenly flips you over and knocks the wind out of you. You realize they aren’t good for you anymore, that the balance is always tilted toward sadness and disappointment with them, that they only serve to hold you still, or worse, push you backward.
What should follow is a logical deliberation over keeping the person in your life or taking the out- but of course, we are far too sentimental, so much less practical and definitely not capable of taking the decision alone. But what happens when we know that holding on is only going to hurt us further? Very often, we applaud the heroes and heroines from our favorite novels and films when they are able to break free of a toxic bond, when they find it in themselves to walk away. But when it comes to following through in our own lives, we fall short. We fail. Miserably. Some of us yield to the rescue complex, hoping we can change the person who’s hurting us while the rest of us are merely scared of the loss, that we subject ourselves to the same pain over and over again.
But the truth is- all of us have a breaking point. And when we get there, it happens. It happens just like that. We realize there is no secret formula to do it right, no trick to help us fix it, no hack to say it politely. Just an undeniable truth that we cannot have the person in our lives anymore. That you have to let go.
And when we finally do let go, it boils down to:
1. Thinking it through and sticking to your decision
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Cutting yourself loose of someone who was a part of your life, no matter how big or small, is a monumental task. If you’ve thought through the implications of severing ties and think it is the only option that can help, go ahead. Cut the cord. Once you’ve done the deed, you may miss them (or the idea of them and how you used to be). But don’t let the feeling morph into guilt or regret. Remember why you chose to let go in the first place. Move ahead and stop looking back.
2. Owning it
No goodbye is easy and one that is sealed with permanence hardly so. There might be emotional outbursts, drama, temper fits, tearful screaming or even nasty, ugly blame games. Remember to respond and not react. Be gracious, be kind and keep your cool- but do not switch your decision owing to any manipulation or force. You will only feel the worse for it when you decide you have to break it off again. Even if what follows after you’ve bid goodbye makes you want to go back in time and undo it all, hold yourself back. You need to remember you thought this thing through and you knew that you needed to let go so you can move on to a better tomorrow, a better YOU!
3. Choosing yourself
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
It can be easy to end up feeling like the bad guy, but it is never wrong to choose to walk away from pain. You are responsible for yourself, your life and your happiness. If that entails choosing yourself over all else, so be it.
4. Remembering that this isn’t the end
If someone is dragging you down, it is time to wash ashore. Do not drown with someone who is intent on sinking you into the vast depths of the unknown and then, swimming back safe to the shore. In time, you will outgrow the memories- good and bad, and they will outgrow you too. In the end, we all end up where we were meant to be, even if it isn’t necessarily where we thought we were going.
5. Not moving on forcefully
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Moving away is never easy. When you let go of someone, you wean yourself off whatever you shared, slowly. One step at a time. So, if sometimes you miss them horribly and feel the urge to check in on their whereabouts, go hop onto Facebook- but do not get sucked up in the same cycle of toxicity again. Allow your emotional self to detach as much as your physical being.
Suggested read: Love doesn’t always mean forever but neither does letting go
All of us need to understand that letting go of someone in entirety is never a complete possibility. They’ll always remain, covered in dust, peeking from the corners of some cobwebbed chamber of your heart, and once in a while, you may just want to walk in and say ‘hello.’ It may choke you and you may cough until you are out and can breathe again- but you will do it all the same, just so you know it’s there. Trivial and seemingly insignificant, waning in prominence, but still important. A part of your life that was and will forever be- an imprint on your heart you cannot let go!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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