I don’t know what the label ‘strong woman’ means to the world.
I really don’t.
Very often, it means a ‘full-of-herself grown woman who’d much rather choose a life with herself and her career than fall in love with a man who may or may not stand by her dreams.’ To be honest, I am sick of the typecasting.
Can we stop with it already?
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Don’t get me wrong- I have nothing against independence, feminism or even a life with cats (if that’s what you really want, girlfriends)- but I, sure, am sick of the molds in which we are all cast, perforce. So what if we chose to build a life in which we are fully capable of dealing with a flat tire or a ‘flat’ bloke who just won’t take the hint?
To be people who choose to fall in love with themselves first is a tough choice.
Suggested read: To the man who will love me next…
To be people who choose to find their happiness within themselves first is a tough choice.
Really tough.
I don’t believe it is for everybody but it is certainly one members of the strong, independent women club are designed to make. The problem arises when people mistake our ability to draw happiness from our own selves and everything our life already has as an indication of not wanting to find anything more. And as a strong woman, I can attest nothing is far from the truth.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
We want to find love as much as the next person. We want to fall in love and stay in love, as much as the heroines of the rom-coms that melt you inside.
And if you think being strong precludes us from wanting such a thing, well, I hate to say it- You are wrong.
I am a strong, independent woman and I am in love with love. There, I said it.
That does not mean that I have built an ‘ideal’ version in my head that I am not willing to work for- but it does mean that I shall wait out for finding someone who helps me discover the potential of building and sustaining that ‘ideal’ version together. Having been in a lot of less than ‘ideal’ relationships, I know I have my work cut out for me. I may not have all the answers but I, sure, know the questions I need the answer to.
What happens when strong, independent women fall in love?
Here’s my take…
We haven’t been strong all our lives. We have been restrained, asked to shut up, told to cave, forced to submit, even diminished to the point of elimination- when we decided to put up ‘it’s enough’ placards on our bodies, plaster a self-taught resilience smile on our faces and show the world how tough we really were. We needed to use our own moments of weakness to prove to ourselves how strong we could be. That’s where it all started.
Suggested read: You and I … in this beautiful world
Ever since, we were either ice-queens or man-haters or crazy cat ladies or some other variant of ‘women’ who weren’t really ‘normal’ in that our desire for love didn’t trump all other desires in our life. So, in my humble opinion, what the world’s opinion boils down to is this- that strong, independent women express a desire to find and keep love but it conflicts with everything else that they also wish to have in life. My question is- why must my desire to find lasting love mean a compromise on everything I have grown to seek, dream of, want and work to have?
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Why must you confuse love (rightfully a ‘part’ of your life) to be the be-all-and-end-all of ours’?
To be strong isn’t to be free from fear. Quite the opposite actually.
We want love. But we are also scared to find it.
The reason?
We have worked hard to find a space that allows us the freedom to be who we are and do what we want. Therefore, we do not want a partner who walks us through life, but one that walks with us. We want someone who understands where we draw our strength from, knows that the waves of weakness sweeps us too- but also that we need to rise above the tide, very often by ourselves. We will muster that courage alright- but we’d love for someone to cheer us on. Someone who believes in our abilities. Someone who understands that even though love may not be every-thing in our lives, we’d give everything to keep it.
We won’t fall in love with anything that inspires a love lesser than THIS.
The problem is finding someone who matches up.
Suggested read: Someday, you will miss me and I won’t
As women who haven’t learnt to settle, there’s no reason we’d settle for half-a-heart or people who profess to be in love because time’s rushing them by. We desire partners who are equals, who accept and love us for who we are and wish to achieve something in their lives as much as they appreciate our drive for the same.
In building a world that is reflective of all of our life and everything it can be, we can only allow in a man who can share in. A man who can appreciate and recognize what’s gone into it and encourage us to make it everything we’d like it to be.
This search isn’t easy. But it is worth it.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
A few heartbreaks later, as I write this, I can vouch that when strong, independent women fall in love, it isn’t the ‘unattached’ connection you imagine it to be. It isn’t cold, practical and all-pragmatic but a real, thriving bond where respect, trust, support and understanding mesh in to build LOVE.
And that love, my friends, lasts.
Of course, our nature throws in a few challenges because we tend to draw up our guard at times or simply, rule our probing us for answers when we are battling the questions.
But it’d help to remember we aren’t the ones who apply soft filters to issues. We do not view problems with a deluding sense of comfort or familiarity. So, when we are braving the storm, know that we are anxious and doubtful- even a little scared- but we will get back to you when we know it’s safe. Because it takes strength to shield your loved ones from danger- and for that strength, you should be glad.
We love you.
Are you willing to love us back?
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
