You can almost feel him tremble inside as you draw near. The fear grips him in a deathly embrace, and he feels this instinctive need to run away- but he stays.
He stays because he cannot tear himself away from you. He stays because he isn’t done being with you. (And God knows he won’t be done, ever.)
He stays because he hasn’t even begun. (And God knows he really wants to, but doesn’t know how.)
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He has been through heartbreak before and admits he’s terrified of putting himself out there, again. Yet, he cannot stop himself from pulling you deep inside his soul, with just an arresting gaze.
He is afraid that you will find his soul too shaky to walk on, even more afraid that you’d need someone to hold you- maybe, even carry you- across that trembling surface, and the hand you seek shall not be his. But he’s holding out his arm, waiting to slide his hand in yours- even as the silence until your decision is hard, scary, and unbearable.
Suggested read: You are not meant to forget him
He has been played before and admits that he shivers at the idea of being vulnerable. Yet, he cannot look away when he knows you’ve reached far too deep inside him- where the pain has spilled and sunk into his bones.
He wants you there, because then, he will have nowhere to hide. He wants you there, because he doesn’t want to hide- not from you, anyway.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
He lays himself bare, peel by peel, slice by slice- allowing you to see him slowly- so that when the curtains are finally drawn, you can see the swirling storm behind and not be scared to stand in the middle of it.
The thought leaves him wispy, unsteady, uncertain- everything he hasn’t felt in a long time. Everything he’s kept himself away from by guarding himself with a shield, skeptical of any chance for heartbreak.
But he drops his guard, for you.
He knows all love is a risk. A chance. An unwobbly unknown.
And he is happy taking that chance, with you.
He feels scared in his bones, but he knows that only those things that ever scare us possess a power to change our lives. Offer an opportunity for growth.
And great love is meant to do just that.
He will do it too. Only for you.
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He will do it not because his fear triggers everything that’s so wrong about this, but because it unravels everything that feels so damn right!
He will do it not because he cannot seem to grasp how much of this is real or can ever be, but because he believes it is and will be.
He will do it not because you get every bit about him in an effortless look, but because when you look into each other’s eyes, you long to get to the place where all fears are forgiven and love begins to grow.
He will do it because he knows that just when you are about to get there and his fear causes him to cover himself back up again, quickly, shakily, because he’s feeling overexposed- you will be patient.
That you will slide under the quilt, to simply be there.
That you will take up his shaky, sweaty hand in yours and tell him that you are as scared as he is.
Because God knows you are. You are just as scared as he is, because you see in him everything that you never expected to find and that’s scary AF.
And the only thing the two of you can do is try.
Of course, it could end in a lesson, as much as it could end in a love, the greatest of its kind, but it’d be a risk worth taking, won’t it?
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
He can feel you are the greatest risk worth taking. He shows you as much.
So what if he isn’t admitting it yet? So what if he’s scared of saying it aloud? Even more so of hearing himself say it- coz it’d, then, turn real… but the truth is, he’s taking that step forward.
Suggested read: To the man who will love me next…
He is unlocking his heart, so you can choose to stay. Because he, sure as hell, is staying, right where you are.
It is something more about you, something larger than his comprehension that he can’t seem to pin- can’t seem to put to words- about just why exactly it is that you make him push past his fears and feel this way. It even makes him wonder if you are someone he will ever win…
But that does not mean he’s giving up…
Because he knows he doesn’t want to look back in time and think to himself how fear tried to cheat him out of the BEST thing in his life and he let it. He wants to beat his fear and BE…with you!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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