The pursuit of happiness when it comes to dating is a tricky business. It’s almost too hard to be happy nowadays. No matter how many guidelines and dating-for-dummies books are provided, no matter how many movies and real life courtships you have witnessed, when it comes to dealing with it, there is no written protocol. In the wild, prey or predator, you have no friends to depend on. Your instincts alone can rescue you. No matter how much we venerate love in our art and pop culture, dating can be quite the pain.
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Playing hard to get is witnessed and considered a tactic more common among females because that’s what conventions and stereotypes have taught us. However, irrespective of the gender of your love interest, playing hard to get is difficult to handle. Why would anyone play hard to get? What benefit do they derive out of this social evil? They say half the fun is in the chase.
Sometimes, playing hard to get is a ploy to spice things up a bit. A lot of people do it for the sheer amusement of it because that’s their idea of fun. Certain people use it as a test to see whether the person in question is up to the chore, whether they will tolerate you and be patient even when you reveal the not-so-pleasant sides of you.
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At times, what may appear as a trick may not actually be a pretention but a genuine coping strategy. A person may happen to be unresolved about what they want in life. They could have other people to consider as well when it comes to picking a date. Perhaps they are trying not to be rude to you because rejecting people isn’t something everyone is used to either. There are a lot of reasons why people seem to falter when it comes to accepting the offer to go out with someone.
If one is interested in a person who is playing hard to get, one has to think about the intent with which they are doing so and react accordingly.
1. Confirm whether the woman in question is actually playing hard to get.
If she is saying she’s busy, chances are, she really is. She might have another person on her mind, she might be muddling through excessive work pressure, she might be a single mother who already has children and work that figure higher on her list of priorities. So make sure that she’s only playing at being hard to get before you think about pursuing her. However, her demanding schedule may not always mean lack of interest. Maybe you could give her time and feel it out. If she is truly engaged and into you, she will respond as soon as she can.
2. Humor her.
If it’s all fun and games, by all means, play along. Attention is quite the ego booster, and who doesn’t like being treated special? And flirting can be fun if you’re not too awkward. However, only do that if you care. Otherwise, it gives the wrong message, and a lot of misunderstanding can be avoided.
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3. Put in efforts.
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Putting a little more effort can brighten their day a lot more, and that makes you nearer to cracking the code wide open. Wooing can be extended beyond the general use of smileys and text messages. Get a pretty flower or two for her when you see her. Make her laugh. Share songs or movies that you think she might like, and try to know and remember all her interests. Listen to her problems if she needs someone to groan to. And you could walk her to her destination sometimes, even if it’s not really on your way.
4. Plan well before taking her out.
If you want to take her out for dinner, a movie, or a game, let them know a few days prior to the date so that it seems like you actually care about her presence. Surprise walks and ice creams are lovely but dates that involve dining out or dressing nicely must be planned beforehand so that she has time to collect herself and be presentable. Last minute plans can ruin the mood and make it appear as if the only reason you asked her out was because you were bored. Show her that you’re determined and concerned.
5. Be poised.
During the initial stages of pursuing someone, when the other person doesn’t exactly know about your Achilles’ heel, try to be as smooth and confident as you can. Weakness is not put up with in the wild. Witty comebacks and smooth answers can make you more irresistible than you can imagine. Be on your best form. However, too many sexual innuendos and arrogance should be evaded. Being over confident and/or cocky can make you quite unattractive.
6. Find the balance.
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The key is to find the balance between mildly interested and desperate. If you are paying attention to the woman and she has gripped your interest, let her know that. On the other hand, know when the right time for instant replies is and when you want to make her wait. A desperate person is not who people normally want to date. Too many messages and phone calls can completely ruin the equation and she will be thinking about ways to rid herself from your company. You want to seem available except you also want them to think you have a life. And you should have a life besides the one you’re trying to build with her.
7. You too can play back and not seem too available.
After you have shown her that you do care and treat her specially, you too could play hardball. That does not mean you do something malicious as go out with other people or be unnecessarily rude to her. Concentrate on your work and you can screen a few phone calls and text messages. Don’t text her every time you see her online for a day or two. If she is genuinely interested, she will start paying attention to you in no time, maybe even be a little affronted when she reaches out to you. This is a rather silly move but at least you get to enjoy the ball in your court shortly.
8. Straight up ask her what is it that she wants.
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If you’re a no-nonsense kind of person, then you probably ask her this before you decide to play along. But if you have been entertaining her airs for weeks or even months, you could pop this question. The fact that you two remain on the same page is of great consequence. Without seeming too intense or angry, wait for the right moment when you two aren’t busy and have nothing too significant to discuss. Ask her where she plans to head with this. It may take her by surprise but unpredictability can be sexy. And honesty, as they say, is the best policy – always.
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Dating is complicated and daunting. It’s a game dominated by the multifarious combination of hormones and chemicals in our body in addition to the atmosphere we are subjected to. So one will not gel with everyone they meet as every individual has a discrete perception. Everyone goes through the peaks and troughs of their romantic lives. It’s not possible to categorize anything as black or white in this complicated business. Ergo, we should be ready to accept any series of failures we face in this winding path. Putting our yardstick aside, we have to broaden our horizons and be open to new experiences. If dating was meeting the right person at once, then it wouldn’t be as rewarding and we would be left wondering all our lives whether we were missing out on other things. It’s wearying to keep up with love and life, but isn’t that the whole point? This is the juncture when the sanguine bit of you will stand out.
All said and done, the purpose of going out with someone is to ensure a happy time for your partner and yourself. It is self-defeating when wooing someone makes you unhappy. All these ego games can result in no good. In the end, you could end up on bitter terms with the person and losing someone with whom you could have looked forward to sharing a nice time with. You have to be aware of what the woman in question wants. If she has been dangling you for way too long, introspect over your future actions, whether you even like her that much, whether you think if she’s a woman worth fighting and waiting for.
Dating is not easy and it isn’t always about winning either. Some experiences are just meant to be and not build up into anything but accepted wisdom. As long as you are happy, you get to win, no matter who makes the first move. In the wild, it all comes down to your intuition.
Featured image source: modernman
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