When I was sixteen, my version of ‘being romantic’ was furtive glances, butterflies in the stomach, that tingly sensation of ‘touch,’ kisses in the rain or even a dance in the moonlight – everything that my prince charming would do to rev up my heartbeats and sweep me off my feet. As I have grown older (and wiser), that glitzy wrapping paper of the heart-shaped romance package has worn off and an all-too-REAL form of romance, which, in its tattered and worn-out form, is still beautiful has remained! And most importantly, it keeps me happy!
You know why?
Because my idyllic concept of ‘romance’ has been replaced by the reality of a woman’s heart-food.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Happiness is not a function of sweeping strokes of ‘romance.’ It is a summation of all the tiny moments that are part of the several unglamorous folds of the wrapping paper of the heart-shaped package that you’d wanted when you were sixteen. It is not frilly, gorgeous ribbons, glittery heart confetti, and li’l love notes. It is the ordinary contents of the extraordinary package that cannot be explored without having to tear through the sparkly covering.
And when you do, you might not find the dashing, charming suitor who’d sweep you off your feet but rather a pointed, jagged personality who’d be cooking dinner at home for you whilst you are out shopping those taffeta dresses for your sixteen-year old’s prom-night!! 😉
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And while my sixteen-year old self might frown at finding this sweet, kind, and thoughtful partner, I know my twenty-five-year-old present self is smiling a sorry smile for the young duped dudette!
Because ‘romance’ isn’t really about the revved up heartbeats – it is about the symphony that it produces whilst tugging at the heartstrings of another to produce a complementary tune! It isn’t about your honeymoon in Santorini, it is about the third day of the thirtieth vacation you take together; it is not about celebrating the day you move in to your new home but about having dinner in that house for the 5876th time – happily!! And that sure takes more than butterflies in the stomach, furtive glances, kisses in the rain, and candlelight dinners!
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
It needs two partners.
Two partners who can look beyond the deceptive and dangerous allure of ‘romance’ (the brand that we have been fed by fairy-tales, books, and movies), and live their 20,000 forgettable Fridays, happily.
Wondering what I am getting at? Let’s take a closer look at all the brouhaha surrounding romance.
The traditional understanding of romance
Romance, in its traditional form, relates to the expression of one’s feelings of love or one’s deep desire to connect with another in an intimate manner. This expressive dynamic evokes pleasurable feelings that, in turn, intensify into a strong bond. During the initial stages of a romantic association, the emphasis is on emotions – especially those of love, intimacy, compassion, appreciation, and affinity.
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The problem with this antiquated notion of romance
The definition of ‘romance,’ as outlined above, is analogous to the same ‘high’ that I had detailed in relation to my sixteen-year-old self. And yes, grown-ups are deluded by it too.
Walking hand-in-hand, eyes meeting briefly, wistful smiles playing on the lips, sighing as ONE, the racing heart, quickening pulse, the nervous kick of anticipation, and the most passionate kiss ever!
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Awwwwww … so romantic, right?
Not really!
You know why – because the romance of this kind works like a dope – if you ain’t getting a regular dose, the feeling of ‘high’ ebbs. And well, most women in relationships will tell you that it happens inevitably – in a year, a month or sometimes, even a week! It is more commonly known as the ‘he’s no longer romantic’ syndrome!
And the problem is, we can’t seem to cure it. Coz we aren’t really the doctors who can!
Why romance is important to a woman
No matter how much we protest and scream that romance really isn’t our de facto dope, we need it and continually so! Plus, I don’t really see anything wrong with the need to be special to someone you are going to spend your life with! Isn’t feeling loved the most important part of relationships anyway?
Of course, it is!
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
So, I am going to give all you men an insider-access to what is romance to a woman, what women find romantic, and how to romance a woman. Ready?
No? Don’t be afraid, it isn’t going to hurt, and it isn’t going to COST you anything – but it is time we swapped the deceptive definition of romance with the real ones. Get set to hear all about how to romance a woman, for real!
What is romance to a woman?
Romance, contrary to popular belief, does not have a definitive definition. There is no one concept that clicks with one half of the world’s population! And there never shall be. After all, if pleasing women was that easy, I wouldn’t be penning this and you wouldn’t be reading it, right?
So, what is romance to a woman?
It is different things for different women.
Disappointed? Swearing? WAIT … Read on …
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There might be different things that different women find romantic, but there’s only one RULE that can clinch what will work.
Are you ready for THE BIG MOMENT OF TRUTH?
Here it is – A woman only wants to feel loved, cherished, appreciated, respected, and special – at all times!
Hard, huh?
Not really. And here’s why…
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What women find romantic
We told you that all women want is to feel loved and this may entail a whole gamut of things that may be part of the ‘romantic’ which makes her personal engine go vroom.
But trust me folks, it really does not have to be a walkway strewn with rose petals, shiny bobbles, rich gooey chocolates or even fancy gifts! As a man, it is your onus to figure out the primary love language of your woman and use it effectively to convey just how much she means to you. This may include intimacy, acts of affirmation, communication or anything that has her heart melting in a mush-pool!
And no, I am not deviating from what I had stated at the outset. Unlike the all-out, extravagant gestures of the initial stages in a ‘new’ relationship, the gestures that build this brand of ‘romance’ are enduring and permanent. And the reason is very simple – they weave the ‘magical’ from the mundane.
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Don’t believe me?
How can mundane be magical, you ask?
We have REAL women talk about what they find romantic and how the mundane-to-magical romance really happens and STAYS:
“The only thing we want is to be valued – not necessarily above all else – but definitely as much as to never give up on ‘me’- NEVER.” – Alicia, 26
“Cooking together in comfy oversized tees and sock feet is romantic to me.” – Jane, 32
“We, women, tend to need a lot of reassurance we’re special. The reminders don’t need to be costly or take a lot of investment in terms of time or planning. A wink from across a crowded room, a phone call in the middle of a busy day to say ‘I love you,’ love notes on the bathroom counter or reaching out while standing in a line and kissing our hand – everything does it. You just have to show you are one hundred percent into us, in that moment and all the rest that follow! We will let the ones when the game is on slip! 😉 ” – Eleanor, 28
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“I don’t need the candle-lit dinners or the roses – I am happy to stay at home, order pizza, grab a beer and binge Netflix. Just touch my feet under the comforter, put the ketchup on my nose and kiss it off – make me laugh and blush and tell me you love me. That’s all we need – women, men – everybody – LOVE!” – Sarah, 37
See? Romance is not about things. It is about building, growing, and sustaining the novelty of the emotions that bombarded your insides when it all started – and not necessarily, in the going-all-out-way of former times. Although, chipping in those ‘moments’ once-in-a-while isn’t a bad idea either! 😉
How to romance a woman
Real romance is an integral part of LOVING. All the more so for women!
It is about forging an epic friendship, being comfortable around each other, making each other laugh, respecting each other, valuing each other, accepting each other in all their imperfection, and being able to communicate all you ‘feel’ as easily as you breathe – of course, there’s tonnes of patience required for the hard times – when you have just been laid off and she insists on weathering the storm with you or the ‘relative’ hard times – when she’s telling you the story you’ve already heard ten times before. Do not complain, dude – coz love isn’t all that easy!
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If it were, everybody would be GOOD at it.
So, when you want to romance a woman, just remember to ensure that she feels ‘valued’ ALL the time – and she will be swell and yours for life!
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Parting note
Romance isn’t hard. In fact, it comes fairly easily when you find a person you REALLY want to give yourself away to. And for this person, romantic rivers flow out like they don’t really need effort either. The current is steady and consistently so coz the source is your perennial pool of love!
Just remember that romance doesn’t mean dressing up or breaking the bank or even taking her to the moon – it only means showing her how much you love her and that she means the world to you! Coz really, the prince charming isn’t going to sweep you off your feet – he is only going to rub your stiletto-troubled toes at night, whilst you have journeyed on rocky paths together. Plus, he did carry you for more than half of the way too, didn’t he?
And THAT, folks, is ROMANTIC. As is the journey. Magical-in-the-mundane, remember? 
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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