There are many types of love in this world. But most people are fascinated and riveted by real love, the romantic love that (mostly) exists between two people. But what is real love? You’ll get as many different answers to this question as there are people on this planet. It means different things to different people. But how do you differentiate real love from all the other varieties of love there are?
You must have figured out that this article is about being in love with someone. But again, just because you care for someone and love them, doesn’t mean it’s real love. You might think you’re in love with someone, only to realize later on that it’s not the type of love you thought it was. You love someone as a friend, a sibling, a parent, a child, an aunt, a cousin, a nephew, a niece, et al. But how to know for sure what type of love you’re feeling for someone? Whether it’s real love or not? Whether it’s worth the effort and the time and the energy it requires.
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What is real love? Ways to tell it apart from other types of love
Learning what is real love is an experience and an exercise in patience. But it is possible to learn what real love is and what it isn’t. Be warned though, that the answer might not be one you expected or even anticipated. Ready then?
1. You realize that real love is unconditional.
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Real love doesn’t have any boundaries or limitations; it just is. If you truly love your partner, then you love them no matter what. Your love for them isn’t hinged on any conditions or limitations or terms. No matter the highs or lows of life, you’re secure in your love for them, because that’s just what real love is.
2. You do things to make them happy.
Even if they’re not your favorite things to do and/or pursue, because you love them. This, in no way means that doing things that are against your ethics, but things like going to a hockey game when you’d rather be at home, curled up on the couch with a book; waking up at 5 AM to make them breakfast even if you’d rather sleep in till 8 AM; taking out the trash and doing the dishes before they even request you to do them. When it’s real love, these things don’t mean that much at all. Since you’d like to see your partner happy, you just suck it up and do it.
3. You fall for your partner slowly.
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Like, really slowly. It’s a slow-burn. Many people confuse passion, and even infatuation, with love. These two are part of real love, but not all of it. Real love is a slow-burn, which takes time to warm you up from the inside out, and heats you up hotter than ever before. Sure, it won’t be hot always, but it will not fade away. It’s a fire that keeps going for a long time to come.
4. You’re more concerned about their happiness than your own.
When it’s real love, you care more about if your partner is happy or not, than you do yourself. You can’t see your partner hurt or in despair. You want to do everything in your power to make them happy. You feel like you won’t be happy if they’re unhappy. You’re willing to sacrifice your happiness to make your partner happy.
However, if this behavior goes to the extreme, it might be considered extremely unhealthy, not only for you, but for your relationship as well. The key is to find the right balance of how much you care for your partner’s happiness, while also not neglecting your own.
5. You trust your partner implicitly.
When it’s real love, you trust your partner to the core. This in no way means that it’s blind trust, but you’re secure in the knowledge that neither they nor you could do something that would break that invaluable trust that you both share. There is no room for jealousy or envy in your relationship. Sure, you would experience moments of this sometimes-negative emotion, but it’s not consistent.
6. You want to tell them about even the littlest thing.
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Who was the first person you thought of when you got that long awaited promotion? Who did you want to celebrate the completion of your important project with? Who did you want to cuss out your manager with, because that would make you feel a bit better about the injustice done to you at work? If you think about your partner whenever something big or small, happy or sad, happens to you, because you want to share the joy with them and celebrate the win, or share the woe with them, then know that it is what real love is all about.
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7. You’re their personal cheerleader.
Whatever your partner wants to do, whatever their dreams are, you are their very own personal cheerleader. Though this is often neglected in relationships, you should support the one you love and care about, through thick and thin. Know that you’re supporting your partner and cheering them on because you want to, and not just because you have to as some invisible rulebook says so.
When it’s real love, you won’t even think twice about extending your unconditional support and backing for whatever your partner wants to achieve in life, because you want them to succeed and see them happy. And when it’s real love, your partner will extend the same support to you as well.
8. You feel like you’re home when you’re with them.
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Real love feels like you’ve come home at last. That’s when you realize that home is not a place, but how a person makes you feel. Since home is where you feel safe, where you can be yourself without any pretenses, and if your partner makes you feel this way, then you’re one of the lucky few who has experienced real love.
9. Your love is comfortable.
Like one of those warm, holey, flannel pjs you wear to bed, despite it being old and worn out. You just feel warm and fuzzy and safe and secure wearing those pjs. That’s how your partner makes you feel – comfortable, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, when you’re with them. No matter the difficulties that life throws at you, you’re you, living your life the way you want to, with a partner who is there beside you, no matter what.
10. You don’t feel judged, no matter what.
When it’s real love, your partner doesn’t judge you, no matter what you do or say, and vice versa. You can reveal anything to your partner, or say anything, without fear of being judged, or worse, made to feel bad about it. Being judged by your partner and judging your partner do not have space in real love.
11. You know that if it’s real love, then it needs to be worked at – EVERY DAY.
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Real love isn’t just a feeling, an emotion, but an action. You are an active part of your partner’s life, showing and expressing your love and care to them every day, making them feel wanted, telling them how much value they bring to your life. Sure, you might feel real, intense love for your partner, but if you’re unwilling to do anything to show them that actively, every single day, then it’s not real love.
12. Your partner accepts you, as you are.
And vice versa. When you’re together, you know that your partner accepts you for who you are, flaws and all, while you do the same for them. When it’s real love, your partner loves you and accepts you for who you are, regardless of your faults – real or imagined or perceived. They love all of you, each and every flawed part of you, as you are.
13. You don’t need your partner, but want them in your life.
Needing someone is often mistaken for real love. However, this is far from the truth. In fact, if you need someone in your life without whom you cannot survive, then know that it’s actually unhealthy and unnatural. You are an individual, who has an identity of your own, whose happiness is not dependent on someone else, and who can survive any odds. However, when it’s real love that you find, you’ll realize that while you may not NEED someone, you WANT them around, for what they add to your life. See, there’s a big difference between the two.
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14. You feel content, if not happy, despite life’s hardships.
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It doesn’t matter what is going on in your lives, when you’re in real love, you have contentment, if not happiness. No matter the highs or lows that life has to offer, no matter if you’re miserable, you’re secure in the knowledge that you both can weather the storms, because what you have is real love.
So what is real love? Now you know the answer to this question, and it will make it easier for you to identify if what you have is the real deal or not.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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