I stood there facing the altar, holding a bunch of fresh flowers that were carefully handpicked and put together. They emitted a sweet fragrance that filled the entire little chapel with love. I looked at my friend, the bride, stand at the altar getting ready to take the plunge. She was holding her newly minted husband’s hand, looking into his eyes and saying her vows. I turned around and saw a few close ones smile as a teeny weeny drop of tear rolled down their cheeks. My job as the maid of honor was almost done, she was married. The ceremony was utterly beautiful. We clicked tones of pictures and headed straight to a grand party that followed.
Suggested read: 10 amazing things your first year of marriage teaches you
I’ve always loved attending weddings, even as a child. I would love to see both the groom and bride say their vows, promising each other the world. Promising to commit, love, cherish, and honor each other. To be faithful to each other, to be there for each other in sickness and in health, in good times and bad. And then of course, I loved to see a girl in a flawless, white dress and the guy in a tailored suit.
Image source: Pinterest
Everything about a wedding was charming and alluring to the little girl inside me. It made me want to get married too; got me dreaming day and night of that perfect ceremony and the perfect man.
So when my time was approaching, classmates, friends, neighbors, and colleagues were already married. All day they spoke of how their marriage was an experience that was beyond words, something so intimate and soul satisfying, and I couldn’t wait to experience the same.
Women bragged about their sex lives and men were happy that their laundry was being taken care of! Couples traveled to exotic destinations, ate delectable desserts, and posted pictures of their happy lives on Instagram. Cakes were being cut, champagne bottles were being popped open every other month to commemorate their love for each other. People were celebrating 2 month anniversaries too! (I mean, who does that?!)
Since my Facebook news feed was filled with only these updates, and I couldn’t stop thinking that probably this was something I was missing in my life. It’s that secret ingredient that would spice up my otherwise bland life which had been the same for more than 2 decades.
I couldn’t wait to embark on this “breathtaking journey” as someone had once mentioned!
So, when it was my time to say “yes,” I did so without any hesitation or fear. Because a lot of people had testified that marriage is that one thing that makes life worth living.
Image source: Shutterstock
The preparations began months in advance, a checklist and a guest list were made, some decisions were taken unanimously while some others had to be forced down or needed some convincing. Between the exciting dress trials and trips to the gym, I found myself amazed at how much pain I was willing to take to make this one day memorable for the both of us.
Finally, our day arrived, and it was over in no time. Within a few hours, I was married and happy! I recollected what everyone had said to me earlier, and it was true. The day was truly magical, and ended well.
But when our wedding day ended, unknowingly, a new journey began. New, because it wasn’t the same anymore. Our roles switched to a higher title, we were now man and wife! However, it took us really long to address each other as “husband and wife”. It was really weird in the beginning, but soon we got accustomed to it and all the other things that came with the relationship.
It all started in the bedroom – intruder alert!
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Having lived by myself and being a totally independent person, one of the first things that struck me hard after the wedding was to get used to another person and to share a room with him. So, setting up a room to accommodate another being and having to share space was something I just couldn’t fathom. Your side and my side, your stuff and my stuff – is how we first started. So we called dibs each time on storage drawers, space on the dressing table, storage cabinets in the bathroom, and even space in the shoe rack (This was quite a battle for me personally).
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Only opposite sides of a magnet attract each other – humans don’t (necessarily)
Although at times I loved how we had such different opinions on a particular subject, I realized that after the wedding, that wasn’t too much fun. The same thing would lead to fights and arguments. Us being completely opposite to each other was not very useful, especially when we had to make a decision, or if we had to buy something jointly.
Learning the art of compromise
Every marriage needs a certain amount of compromise from both parties involved. And yes, because “your way or the highway” will become a thing of the past, married couples have to meet halfway. That means, you have to let go a little and your partner needs to do the same too!
Patience and tolerance will go a long way
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
If you are someone with zero tolerance or lack patience, marriage may not be for you! This relationship requires heaps of these two said qualities. But don’t fret; even if you don’t have these qualities you will soon develop them over a period of time. An ideal scenario of learning this skill is when you meet your extended family! 😉
The definition of romance changes
Romance as a topic is highly subjective from person to person. But, I sincerely believe that what you would think of as “romantic” before you get married is not the same after you’re married. I’m not saying it diminishes, but, you begin to see different things as “romantic”. If you thought a dinner with an elaborate menu along with a bunch of flowers, and a bottle of Merlot were romantic before the wedding, after the wedding, it’s usually beer and fried chicken wings!
Decisions need a sign off authority
From now on, you have to know that no decision can be taken alone. You have to run it by your partner and reach a consensus, and then declare the final result. Here’s a little example
Before:
Friend: Hey, do you wanna catch up for a drink this Friday?
Me: Hell yeah! What time and where?
After:
Friend: Hey, do you wanna catch up for a drink this Friday?
Me: Uh, could I let you know by Thursday evening…?, because I’m not sure if “we” can make it. I will check with him and get back. Ok?
OR
Me: I think those beige curtains look amazing, I want to buy them.
Partner: I think those yellow ones are better.
Final decision: Brown curtains bought on 25% discount!
Master the art of small talk
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I cannot explain in words how important it is to have this quality because it’s small talk that will keep you alive at all family functions and will help you survive the relatives! Be it your partner’s relatives, friends or colleagues, you need to make small talk with all these people; if not, you’d be considered rude and/or will be bored to death!
Set expectations in the beginning or meet them
If you haven’t set the “right” expectations in the beginning, you will be compelled to meet the ones that are being expected. So, the ball is in your court. Be who you are from day one. If not, you will live your entire life trying to be the person your partner expects. Well, that would suck – big time!
Have at least one friend who you can speak to about anything
I don’t want to be the one breaking your bubble, but your partner is not going to be your best friend always. There will be days where you’d totally detest them, and during that time, you’d need a true friend to rely on and speak to. Make sure you keep in touch with that friend always.
Develop the skill of convincing
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
(You must know that this came from the mister!) Well, you can’t have everything your way once you are married. So one must be able to convince the other person in certain matters, and do so in a loving manner. Me thinks, this is slightly manipulative – but what the heck. It works like a charm.
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Having said that, I strongly advocate marriage. If you think you’ve found the right person, there is no reason why you must shy away from this commitment. Every relationship has two sides to it, it totally depends how you see it. The way I see it, after the wedding, two people become partners for life for as long as they live. They learn to coexist, nurture each other, and bring out the best in both, themselves and the other. So don’t get fooled by the million posts on your Facebook feed that show couples announcing their love for each other, doing underwater love shoots, updating check-in’s every 20 minutes at a dessert bar, posting pictures of them laughing together. Trust me, a lot happens behind the scenes. Marriage requires constant work, and is hard work. It is what you do after the wedding that will either make or break it.
Tell us your story “after the wedding.” We would love to hear from you!
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