With time, the nature of relationships also undergoes change, like everything else. Earlier, the definition of cheating was pretty simple- if you weren’t loyal to your spouse or your partner, you were considered unfaithful. However, now, with the internet and social media and a complete shift in lifestyle, the definition of cheating has undergone a drastic change. So what counts as cheating in today’s world?
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Online dating, polyamorous relationships, one night stands, multiple partners, etc. are all part and parcel of today’s relationships. While monogamous relationships still do exist, couples don’t freak out when pushing the boundaries of their “exclusiveness” with each other. However, just like the hookup culture has led to people being more open about their needs when it comes to matters of the heart, it has also led to people becoming a littler fickle when it comes to staying faithful to one person, therefore slightly destroying the sanctity of marriage and exclusive relationships.
Suggested read: To Cheat Or Not To Cheat? Has Cheating Become The ‘New Normal’?
We spoke to several women about what counts as cheating for them, and we were taken aback by their answers to say the least. Here is what they had to say.
1. “Confiding in another person”
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A lot of people freak out when their partner makes out with someone, or has sex with them, and I am not going to lie, I would too. But what I think would break my heart is if my partner started confiding in someone else, and start depending on them emotionally. This means that they have not only physically distanced themselves from me, but also become detached emotionally, and there is nothing worse than knowing that your partner needs to go to someone else to talk to; that you are not enough anymore.
-Anna, 34
2. “Exchanging pictures on social media”
It’s 2018, no one actually walks in one people having sex with each other (no one is that stupid). What would really break my heart is if I found out that my man was exchanging pictures with another woman on social media. We both check out other hot people with each other, but that is all fun and games. If he were to send intimate pictures or even normal pictures to someone else secretly, then I would definitely consider that cheating. There is something very intimate about sending photos of yourself and your life, and knowing that he is trying to share himself with someone else like that would break me.
-Sasha, 26
3. “Having erotic conversations with another person”
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A lot of people think that your partner can only be charged of cheating on you if they have a physical relationship with someone. That is so not true. I totally think that if a man is caught exchanging dirty texts with someone else, then they are cheating on you. They should have to be getting intimate online with anyone if they have you, right? Plus, this is like 2018. People live their lives on their phone. And if actual sex can be considered cheating, why can’t sexting be as well? I would not stay with my partner if I caught him exchanging erotic messages with someone else, whether they have an actual physical relationship or not.
-Julia, 19
4. “Keeping secrets”
When I tell people that I would charge my partner for cheating on me of they kept stuff from me, they think I am crazy. But what they don’t understand is that if your partner is keeping secrets, then it means they are hiding something from you, and unless they are planning a surprise for you or buying something really nice for you or planning to propose to you, they shouldn’t be keeping secrets. A relationship means that you share the good, the bad and the ugly, and only if something is really wring, will they keep something from you. It is a major red flag, and I would consider that cheating. Absolutely.
-Brianna, 29
Suggested read: 12 Things You’re (Probably) Guilty Of Doing That Are Way Worse Than Cheating On Your Partner
5. “Kissing is worse than sex”
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You will probably think I am crazy, but I wouldn’t be as mad at my man if he were to have to sex with someone, as I would be if he made out with someone he liked, or someone who liked him. I just find something so incredibly intimate about kissing, that I would get mad if he were to do it with anyone else. Kissing is something that belongs exclusively to the domain of love, and sex you can have with anyone, whether you love them or no. Not that I am asking him to go have sex with everyone. I would just be really pissed and heartbroken if he kissed someone else while still with me.
-Esther, 43
6. “Repeatedly going out with someone”
Before you start charging me for being petty, let me tell you that my partner and I are totally cool with flirting and we sometimes even flirt with random strangers in each others’ company! That being said, I am not okay with things going beyond giving someone a sweet compliment or batting your eyes at them across a crowded room. If I had a doubt that my partner was interested in someone as more than friends, and they were to repeatedly go out on lunch dates and meetings and outings, then I would definitely hold him accountable for cheating on me. This is what people do when they are about to start dating, so if you are doing that while still with me, then it is definitely cheating.
-Rita, 32
7. “Stalking someone on social media”
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Sure, a lot of people still take the trouble of actually sleeping with someone before being accused of cheating on their perfectly good girlfriends, but this is the age of social media, and there is more than one way in which you could be unfaithful to your partner. I’d say stalking someone and following them on all social media and liking all of their posts would count as cheating. It’s okay if you like random cute girls on Insta, but if you take time out every day to leave likes and comments on one particular person’s posts then there is definitely something wrong.
-Charlie, 18
8. “Having a dating account”
In my humble opinion, this is dating 101. You don’t need to have a dating account if you are already with a person. What are you going to do with your dating account? What happens when someone messages you and you start talking to them? It might not amount to a sexual encounter, but the fact that you are mentally out there and telling people that you are open to date is cheating enough for me. Also all that crap about forgetting to delete the app is complete BS. It takes two seconds and a brain that wants to be faithful to your girlfriend.
-Paris, 23
9. “Having inside jokes with someone else”
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Unless your partner is cracking inside jokes with their family, or their childhood best friend, or friends who have been a part of his life for at least some time, you shouldn’t settle for this bullsh*t. Inside jokes only happen when you are super close to someone. You have to talk to them a lot, vibe with them and find things in common in order to have inside jokes which are, according to me, one of the most basic ways to bond with someone on a very intimate level. The only problem is, your partner shouldn’t need to form such an intimate bond with someone else, when they already have you. Inside jokes is where I draw the line, honestly.
-Cami, 40
Suggested read: Dear Women, You Do Not Have To Justify Your Decision To Stay With A Cheating Spouse
10. “Physical contact other than sex”
I know I know. Some of you are thinking that this is the 21st century and people hug and kiss each other all the time and if I charge my man for cheating on me if he hugs another woman, then I am the one who is loony and not him. Don’t worry. I am totally okay with hugs and kisses, and I am a bit of a hugger myself, to be honest. What gets to me is the little touches and the other kind of physical contact. Things like dancing closely with someone, or a full-bodied hug that lasts for more than 10 seconds, or holding hands is something that I would most definitely consider cheating. This is only because these are not things that you do with friends. You do this with people you are physically and emotionally connected with, and if you are doing this with someone you aren’t in a relationship with, then you are cheating.
-June, 32
After speaking to numerous women, we found that the definition of what counts as cheating has undergone quite a radical change. People no longer think having sex with someone other than your partner is an unforgivable act of cheating. In fact, most women didn’t even talk about sex with someone else when narrating what they would describe as cheating.
Tell us what you think cheating on someone means in today’s world, in the comments section below.
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