“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person,” said Mignon McLaughlin. And this is the only thing about marriage that should not change, because the rest of the things probably would. Yes, marriage transforms you in more ways than you can imagine. Just the fact that you are now responsible for another person apart from yourself, brings a lot of changes in you and your life. Let’s see all the ways marriage changes you.
1. “Me” becomes “We”
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It is as simple as saying, ‘I’ getting replaced with ‘Us.’ You learn to see the bigger picture instead of fretting over trivial ones. As another person enters your life, you learn to be more accommodating and adjusting towards them and their needs. You learn to even adapt and adjust to the expectations of the people who are close to the person you love. Decisions are now meant to be taken together, and not alone. The entire journey of life after marriage teaches you how to place your partner’s preferences (at least sometimes,) over yours! You learn to explore and find common ground where you both are comfortable. You learn to share your hobbies, your interests, and everything else you can, while keeping a small space for yourself to maintain your individuality.
2. Patience is the biggest virtue
Marriage is all about being patient so that you can get through the tough times together. You learn to be a good listener. You learn to be more forgiving towards, and accepting of, a lot of things. You learn to pick your fights and not throw tantrums all the time, because they affect your partner. You learn to give in to a lot and also learn exactly when to say ‘NO,’ and when to let go.
3. Diplomacy can also be your best friend
A wise man once said correctly, “You don’t marry the person, you marry the entire family.” As your various relationships grow, so do the complications that are a part of them. When you have so many new fragile relationships in front of you, the devil-may-care attitude will not work for you anymore. You need to learn to be extremely tactful and diplomatic to handle everything life sends your way. Diplomacy and tact can be your best friends while you walk the delicate and fragile bond called ‘marriage.’
4. Boys Become Men and Girls Become Women
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When you are married, all your decisions, personal or professional, will affect your better half too. Every action of one will influence the other, in one way or another. As you cross the threshold into marriage, you need to leave your childish ways at the doorstep. You become more and more mature and perceptive with all the responsibilities that come your way. From the way you drive, to what you eat, to how you live your life, to how much you are earning, to how much you are saving – everything matters.
5. Life Changes 180 Degrees
Marriage changes the priorities that you set for yourself in your life. For a successful marriage, it is important for you to prioritize your marriage and your partner over everything else. Your goals, dreams, wishes, ambitions, change after marriage. Everything – all your choices and decisions in life now need to be balanced, with your new family taken into consideration. The decisions made may be conscious or unwitting. And parenthood changes these priorities even more, making your child a big part of your priorities and decision.
6. You become selfless and forgiving
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Ruth Bell Graham has rightly said, “A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” People make mistakes; the secret to a happy marriage is to forgive and forget those silly little things, and move on. There is no tit-for-tat in marriage. But at the same time, there shouldn’t be one saint and one sinner in it either. Marriage is an equal partnership, which requires trust, respect, and love to nurture it. It makes you look at the big picture rather than being stuck on trivialities. It somewhat lessens the natural selfishness one possesses for the good of the relationship. You become more giving and loving because your life is not centred just around you anymore. You also learn to balance your time and responsibilities between your own family and your in-laws.
Marriage is not an end; it is a journey where both partners need to constantly mould themselves according to their partner’s virtues and vices, and quirks and idiosyncrasies, while maintaining one’s own identity and individuality, and also learning to co-exist as a single unit. A couple needs to learn to work out their issues together, and find ways and common ground that will bring them closer and closer to each other, every single day. Marriage teaches you to grow up together so that you can grow old with each other.
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