You’re a good person. You have integrity. You deserve the best. You want a man to treat you with the respect, admiration, and love that you deserve, and so you treat him with the utmost respect and loyalty.
The problem is that giving a man your loyalty too soon is a trap. A man must earn your loyalty, and the time to grant him this amazing gift cannot be before that man has perceived that your loyalty is deserved by him. The reverse could spell out disaster for your relationship.
Women very often tell me that they “feel guilty” about seeing more than one man at a time.
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I’m here to tell you that until you’ve gotten what you want from a man, removing your other options and dating exclusively is a big mistake; one that will cost you.
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What you have at stake:
1. Your time
2. Your fertility
3. Your sanity
4. Your vibe
The fact is, women are often so anxious to get into a relationship that when the opportunity arises, they jump in head first without thinking it through or asking the proper questions.
Women who are looking to settle down with a life partner are often unconsciously tying themselves to impossible situations. These situations can waste an average of six months of their time. After a relationship fails, their unsuccessful dating pattern is repeated until it literally equals YEARS of their time that they cannot get back.
The good news is, these seemingly hopeless situations are avoidable. The right questions must be asked early on in the courtship process.
Here are some sample questions that you could ask him before deciding to become exclusive with him:
1. Have you been in love before?
2. Where do you see yourself in five years?
3. What do you want out of life?
4. Do you want a family?
Are you afraid that asking these questions will make you appear desperate or feel like pressure to a man? Well, you are correct to be worried! If you attempt to ask these questions after a relationship between you and a potential life partner has begun, he will assume that you are hoping to find out if he is serious about a relationship with YOU.
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On the flip side, if you ask these same questions early on, during your initial screening and first couple of dates with a man, and if you ask them in an unassuming way, you will have his answers and he’ll know that you respect yourself and your time. He will see that you know how to go about getting what is best for yourself and your life. This is respect-worthy and attractive!
If you are feeling desperate to have a relationship, this will be evident in the energy you put out, and your desperation will be easily recognizable to a man, whether or not you are asking him questions about the relationship or not.
Here are some common scenarios that I see all too often with new clients:
1. A man is aggressively courting a woman and, so she cuts off her other options by dating exclusively. She feels guilty about seeing other men. She gets a laser focus on that one man. Her vibe shifts from light and attractive to heavy and unappealing, and the fun and challenge that are so important to a man’s attraction during the dating process disappears.
2. She’s playing Russian Roulette with her time. She jumps in before getting the necessary information about what a man wants out of life, and without even knowing what this man is looking for in any relationship.
3. A man explicitly says that he doesn’t want a relationship, but she decides to keep seeing him anyway, hoping that things will pan out differently.
Suggested read: Is your success destroying your chances of a healthy relationship?
Ladies, when a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, walk! Get your six months back before it’s lost!
The takeaway here is to slow things down and date multiple men for at least three months before becoming exclusive. Never give any one man the majority of your time until you know that you both want the same things out of life and from each other, and you have really gotten to know him over time.
You’re a good person? You have integrity? You deserve the best? Well, put some of these wonderful qualities toward your own self-care, and prevent yourself from falling into a time-wasting trap. Ask the important questions early on, don’t focus on any one man until he has proven he deserves it. And most of all…
Date with intent!
Featured image source: Shutterstock
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