12 Useful Dating Advice My Grandma Gave Me, That Are Relevant For Today’s Women

by Sejal Parikh · June 8, 2015

It is rather sad that I had walked the planet for about twenty-five odd years before this day arrived. I was at my ancestral home, sitting on that old swing that squeaked for grease, reading my autographed copy of Ken Page’s Deeper Dating when my grandma slid into the space beside me, holding two cups of tea in her frail, wrinkled hand. She held out a cup for me, which I gladly took, and sipped on the beverage – my taste-buds reveling in the magical taste of a tea only grandma knows to work best!

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Now, before I tell you what happened next – you must know this – I am not the kind of person who frequents the aisles of self-help sections in a bookstore, especially not when it comes to dating advice. I am a sucker for fiction and would readily immerse myself in the snaky streets of Cartagena, roving about with Florentino, in hopes of catching a glimpse of Fermina, than read dating advice doled out by self-proclaimed experts in the realm. Forgive my smugness – but I despise most wisenheimer authors out there who mete out 100% success rates to ‘get the girl you want,’ or ‘save the sinking ship of your marriage’ with some magic formulae that they claim to have come up with. People, I believe, are more than the result of an equation comprising of relationship constants (?) or a ‘traceable graph’ of some psychobabble variable! Not that I wouldn’t read and reread a Salman Rushdie, a Stephen Hawkings or oh-yes Freakonomics by Levitt and Dubner, but I am kind of skeptical about those dating advice bestsellers.

No, do not dismiss me as an extremist on my opinion about such books just yet! Just because I do not buy their opinions does not mean I don’t read ’em! I just happen to have the critical faculty to dissect them! I have read a lot of these books – a lot more than many! Some I thought were zany, some absolute cr*p, and some surprisingly insightful! After all dating advice is a subject I write about too – and well, that’s just market research! 😉 😛

And if I were to rip apart the books I am wary of, statement-by-statement, I’d be able to convince you better – really! But since that is matter for another post, let’s get back to my story. (Sorry about the rather long-ish detour, but you needed to know that coz I draw most of my matter from experiential repertoires!)

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Grandma noticed the book, now lying upside down on the swing and asked me what it was all about. When I told her it was a book on dating advice, I immediately knew that a rather-drab debate between my own ideas about dating, the ones penned on the page by Page, and grandma’s antiquated ones would ensue! Only I was mistaken – and how!

Instead of opting for an opinionated platter, she asked me if I wanted to hear some stories. Unlike the fairytales that she delighted me with when I was a little girl, lying on her lap, on this very swing, she launched into a hithertofore-unexplored realm (betwixt her and me) – the complicated world of dating, love, and relationships! And slowly, her own wondrous tales of dating, love, and marriage took me by surprise. Ohh – they were snazzy and how!

By the end of it, she asked me if she’d helped and if I found something worthwhile in her stories. I told her I was rather sad that I hadn’t discovered and cared to speak more to this remarkable woman earlier (I might probably have avoided some faux pas in my own collective crappy dating record), and she laughed! I also told her she could write a book that will really be worthy of being a bestseller in a section that reeks of such stale advice, that it makes me want to throw up – and she laughed a child-like laugh again! I felt happiness! I remembered my childhood days when the laughter flowed the other way round – and I felt a little more sad that I do not visit her often to let those smiles play on her lips! I made a mental note to correct that!

We spoke for more than two hours of the terrible dates I had been on, the mistakes I made in my relationships and she meted out exclusive dating advice for men, hush-hush dating advice for women,and even advice that held equally for both factions that I knew I had to share her wisdom with the world!

Needless to say, the talk gave me matter for the post you are currently reading and I set about to filter the invaluable gems of dating advice from her EXPERIENTIAL TREASURE – and boy, was it a herculean feat!

As hard as it was, I managed to select the best of her dating advice – and these are so relevant for us, you wouldn’t believe it:

1. You can’t fly on the wings given you by a wingman

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If you cannot rely on your own agency to approach a person you find attractive, you’d better not do so at all! Nobody wants a wuss! And here’s the kicker – my grandpa ‘wooed’ (if I may use the term from her times) my grandma after he first noticed her at a departmental store! And they had a taco in the parking lot – their first date! Remember, this was at a time when men couldn’t approach women as they can now and women did little beyond cleaning, cooking, and having babies! So, in a world bathed in social media, there’s really no excuse to shoot off with the rifle placed on someone else’s shoulder!

2. Poop or get off the pot

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Again – nobody likes a wuss. If you like someone, just tell them. What’s the wait worth? And why the fear of the outcome? You’d never know if you don’t try! Go tell him/her. My grandpa knew that his chances of getting grandma to go out on a date with him were next to none, what with his frame decked in a bright yellow T-shirt that read ‘Happy & Handsome,’ his hair carrying little water beads from his morning shower, and his bag full of eggs, bacon, and bread! But you know what – she said yes – Taco date, remember? 😉

3. Be interested to be interesting

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Do I even need to explain this one? You’d much rather be without the dork who aimlessly gazes on the laptop screen whilst you are animatedly chirping away about your promotion at work than be disgruntled and disappointed all your life! My grandma said that she was so lucky to have a MAN who understood that he needed to listen, be interested in her, her life (always) to sustain the love! And with my dating experience, I’d agree – not many men know this and many more don’t apply it!

4. Dating is like farting, if you have to force it, it’s probably crap

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I laughed so loud at this one – coz these were her exact words. No, the topic was serious, so no potty humor – but man, isn’t this crappy advice (at a literal level) rather tasteful and invaluable when you prod through the layers (okay, don’t get disgusted)! But there’s some REAL truth in there, you cannot push yourself into things that you do not want and aren’t ready for. If you do not want to date, don’t – if you need some time to get over your ex, take it – whatever it is, do not force yourself into relationships, they won’t work when built on the faulty foundation of force, or worse, lies.

5. A single word advice would be – TALK

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Communication, my grandma, maintained, is the air that relationships breathe. If it doesn’t come as naturally as breathing, don’t do it! You cannot spend the rest of your life feeling choked, can you?

6. You can only cry “wolf” so many times before people stop listening

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If a string of failed relationships is your story, maybe you should pause and think about your own flaws before going round the town, badmouthing your ex!

7. Honest confessions work way better than terrible love clichés

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When my grandma asked me if I’d ever told people ‘we need to talk,’ or ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ I nodded. And she told me one plain, brazen truth that was so gripping in its REAL-ness that I began to wonder why its blatant nature hadn’t made it so obvious to me! She said, “Hon, a truth hurts once, but a lie hurts every time you recall it.” Pretty much explained why we live in a world of half-closed chapters and recurring ex-relationships!

8. People change with seasons. Time is the toughest test

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I couldn’t have agreed more. I have dated people for years and I have dated them for some measly months – but you know much more about a person at the end than you know at the beginning – see who cares enough to stick around until the end, and perhaps, beyond! In relationships, time is your best bet!

9. Keep fights clean and the sex dirty

Do I even need to even explain this one?

10. The ticks of your biological clock do not mean you’ve gotta rush

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You cannot be settling for a mediocre, passionless relationship merely because you’ve turned a certain age, your friends have gotten married, and your family members are worrying themselves to death! Love shall happen when it has to – it doesn’t tick in sync with your biological clock – and it doesn’t have to. Don’t fret about it.

11. When ending things, a clean break is always best

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No contact rule, deleting numbers, picking one’s personal things, and blocking your ex on all avenues of contact is the best thing to avoid greys! A clean break keeps things neat for you, and the possibilities in the present! If the messy past is allowed to trickle in, it shall seep into the present, untidy it, and make its way into the future too!

Suggested read: 10 common reasons why couples fall out of love

12. ‘Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.’

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This one is a quote by Wayne Dyer. Yep, my grandma reads and I bought her her first Kindle this month! The way she seamlessly wove the truth into her own story made its impact all the more powerful. One’s approach makes all the difference! Given that my grandma was one volatile lady and the way my grandpa’s patience seems to have rubbed on her is proof enough!

Ohh, btw – I call her every week now – to discuss dating and so much MORE! She’s a bomb – this woman – even at 90! 😉