Top 10 Regrets Most Married Men Have

by Satarupa Bhattacharya · October 18, 2015

Marriage is a far different ballgame from what we generally expect. It is much more than two partners coming together for life, or more than the union of two separate families. Marriage means a lot of changes, compromises, sacrifices, and hard work. And while such a big life change can be emotionally draining for everyone, men in particular have been known to suffer deep-seated regrets stemming from marriage. Often, these are far more severe than merely missing bachelorhood or the free time with the guys at the pub. They may be deeper manifestations of frustrations with new commitments, responsibilities and entire ways of living.

If left unaddressed, these regrets from marriage can turn into a problem for both partners. However, with open communication and a little bit of understanding, couples can move past them and live a happy life together. In the spirit of facilitating that understanding for all of you married couples out there, here are the top 10 regrets that married men often have:

Regret 1: Men wish they could balance all their ties better

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This is a top regret that most married men admit to having at some point during their marriage. While most families are going the nuclear route, this does not mean that newly married men should cut out all ties with other members in their family. Most married men state how their wives are as important as their parents, yet they struggle to strike the right equation between the two parties. Yes, there are some very stereotypical portrayals of the mom-in-law versus daughter-in-law sagas, but most men find this to be a subtle yet real struggle.

Regret 2: Men regret being unhappy among relatives

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The deepest regrets our married brethren seem to have stem from their inability to maintain harmony in their family over trivial issues. They simply fail to understand how their wives or moms can get so vindictive over as much as even sharing a kitchen. Some men balance this tricky task by opting for a smaller immediate family, but the hours spent planning visits to their parents or moving from one home to another can eventually take a toll.

Regret 3: Not having enough time to satisfy their silly urges

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Now this could mean anything from not being able to see their hour of sports coverage on ESPN or running out of time for a casual drink. With marriage, these silly things can cause tension in a relationship, so men often give them up to maintain the peace. After all, married men—most of them, at least—do put their new relationships as top priority. The truth begins to surface on those days when stress triggers regrets that men don’t even know exist. As a wife, you must understand that men will be men, so it is crucial that you give him his due in terms of freedom to live his life in a relaxed fashion.

Regret 4: The time spent with friends

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Over time, men tend to only go out with friends on a sudden road trip or an occasional festive holiday—and only for a couple of days or so at a time. While women have their own time at spas and salons, men often only find satisfaction when they are with minds. Sure, they understand that marriage is important and that they cannot be as free willed as their bachelor-hood allowed them. Therefore, they often tend to regret the less time that they spend quality time with friends. While men will not really vent these grievances unless cajoled, they may snap or get bugged when they realize how little they get to bond with their buddies.

Regret 5: A freedom crunch

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While the loss may not always be as literal as they imagine, men often feel that their freedom to come and go as they please is gone after marriage. Therefore, husbands often getting frustrated and end up regretting the fact that they need to take permission from their wives to do certain things. A little bit of clear talking and transparent conversation can actually aid you here as a couple.

Regret 6: Insecurities about marriage

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A woman should periodically reassure her man that he is free to make decisions independently, but that consulting her is important as well. Marriage teaches you many things and once you learn to share the concept of marriage as a learning aid, men can only be happier. Marriage should not be a jail that entraps a man and keeps him from living independently. Instead, marriage should be a way of sharing your life with another so that you are both happier and more fulfilled than you would be on your own.

Regret 7: A nag too many

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While this is something specific to hubbies who have been married for a fair bit of time, this regret often tops the charts. Wives often end up asking something over and over again, out of curiosity, skepticism or some other reason. Sometimes, women just don’t have enough patience to wait for stuff their partners promise. As a result, they tend to keep asking about the small details of every situation, which eventually leads to issues between spouses. Men begin to regret that time before marriage when they never had to deal with such consistent nags. These regrets are best dealt with by a little bit of compromise from the wife’s end.

Regret 8: The issue of constant interference

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As a wife you should actually try and be a bit more patient while also trying to understand that nagging never works well with men. They are attuned to being freer and therefore, consistent interferences actually lead to the deepest regrets. This is a generic trait men have and therefore, interfering in every little aspect of his life leads to more problems.

Regret 9: Too cramped for taking on decisions

Men are independent by nature. Yes, they know how to care for their better halves, but the core the masculine instinct remains to lead. This is often reflected in their stances on certain issues or even in their inclination to make decisions—both major and minor– in a marriage. The modern woman is slowly encroaching upon this ability to make decisions, which may be uncomfortable for some married men.

Regret 10: The constant sharing of every bit in life

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After marriage, man often begins to miss his independent days when he has to share all the tidbits and milestones of life and family with his wife. While we cannot vouch for every man, most are naturally wired this way. Therefore, even if there is a slight hiccup that has come about in your marriage, try and understand where it is stemming from. Clearly confront your man and grasp if he unhappy that he needs to involve you in all decisions. If this is the case, take a step back and allow him the freedom to air his opinion without judgment.

Remember, regrets exist in every relationship, but only as long as they are left unaddressed. Whenever you feel the slightest hint that your partner is regretting something or missing something he used to have, go ahead and enter a calm discussion. Even if it means a little bit of argument, allow your man space to express his frustration and then calmly respond by justifying your point of view. Go along and see how well you can handle his regrets. Trust us—it is easier than you feel!

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