We’ve seen skinny shaming, fat shaming, and oh, how can I forget this one – divorce shaming. We call ourselves civilized, but are we really? In this age and time, divorce is still seen as something to be frowned upon! Tell me something- if breakups pass as frequently as Trump doles out a misogynist statement without anybody rolling an eye (I meant for breakups only and not Trump’s stupidity), how is it that a relationship that didn’t work within the ambit of marriage NEEDS be judged according to a different set of rules?
Who made’em anyway? And who says I or anybody, for that matter, need follow them?
Image source: djrude
Despite divorce being a commonplace, it isn’t supposed to happen! Especially so in Indian society, where the couple is supposed to ‘wait it out’ because ‘beta, yeh sab toh hota rehta hai, adjust kar lo, divorce se toh acha hi hai’ is a legit anchor to throw in when your relation-SHIP is drowning in the marital waters, eh? Why? Why would you want to be stuck in a dead end relationship just because people tell you divorce is SO wrong? And oh, even be subject to the shame that tags along with it! More so for women…
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The marriages are made in heaven dictum– “‘till death parts us” is the reason people feel entitled to pull this shaming sh*t. Those who uphold these antiquated beliefs feel justified in saying ‘you made your bed, so you must lie in it’ and feel only too happy to look at you with disapproval and say you’re a failure in life.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Who gave them the right? Were they the ones suffering in the marriage that you now choose to seal with the notary the divorce attorney stamped and approved for freedom? No, right? So, then stop giving these as*holes the power to make you feel guilty for trying to love yourself enough to stop being miserable.
Hear me and repeat with me: there is no shame in ending a relationship that isn’t giving you anything, and isn’t going anywhere.
You want out – get out. It’s as simple as that. There is no right or wrong here.
It may be crucial to mention that I am not encouraging the idea of divorce. All I am saying is that it is better to get out rather than sticking it out for the heck of it. And no, getting a divorce, doesn’t make you ‘damaged goods’, or a ‘failure in life’.
No.
Stop.
Stop shaming yourself but do NOT expect others to do the same.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Rome wasn’t built in a day, remember. It might take eons for these ba*tards to realize they are doing WRONG by shaming those who could have as easily been themselves or their sons and daughters!
When you see divorce shaming masquerading about as a rampant evil that these people deem necessary to curb the incidence of the rising number of breaking marriages, ask them these questions about the divorced- Do you know their story? Do you know if they tried to make it work?
Then why do you shame them? I recently came across a comment on social media on a post for a celebrity divorce which said – “Oh, she shouldn’t have divorced him. Now she’s going to be very unlucky for the rest of her life. Who will marry her again?” Forget strangers on social media, divorce-shaming is rampant in families itself. Self-righteous aunts and uncles who have no other work but to comment on the lives of others, would never miss an opportunity to sigh and say, “arey bechare, ab inse kaun shaadi karega?”
And by that logic, logic rolls about in his grave, sighing. Why do our entire lives revolve around marriage? Is that all we have to look forward to in life? I refuse to believe our sole purpose in life is to get married and make it work no matter what.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
To some extent, I think the ‘soul- mate’ mentality is to be blamed. Yes, it is all well and FINE to believe in true love but at some point, you need to understand that you are much more than a partner, a husband or a wife. You CAN fall in love twice. So what if it didn’t work out in your first marriage? Divorce does not make you a lesser person. Stop holding onto things that hurt you.
“If every couple quit when marriage got difficult, 100% of couples would be divorced. Challenges in your marriage are an opportunity to work together; not an excuse to give up on each other.”
This is a quote that I came across on Facebook with about 20k likes and thousands of comments agreeing with the same. Of course, while the sentiment is applaud worthy, divorce is a step rarely ever taken on a whim. If only the solution was so simple. People work and work at a marriage, but sometimes, an end is inevitably the result of people who CHOOSE to work or not work for their love, circumstances and behavior. And how do you decide at what point to give up? Do you keep working on a failing marriage even if it threatens your sanity? Well, society certainly expects us to. On one hand, we as a society encourage people to get out of an abusive relationship, but when they do, we attack them.
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Getting a divorce does not violate the sanctity of marriage. Know this if you are going through the ‘shame of divorce,’ it is because you DO believe in the sanctity of marriage. You do believe in committing and you do believe in loving your partner through sickness and health. And you are getting divorced because your partner does not share these values and you refuse to live in an unhealthy home and a sick marriage.
And that’s nothing to be shameful about.
Not a damn thing.
Featured image source: djrude
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