I can see why you are afraid to love me when I am everything love isn’t.
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I am the million questions you collapse into when I slip away in the middle of a worthwhile conversation. I am the stroke your inkless pen scribes when my absence is transmuting your thoughts into my presence. I am the sigh that escapes your lips when I’m biting them out of words in a kiss of endless passion. I am the handful moments you are attempting to pin still while I am running wild, chasing after infinity. I am the breath you hold hard for the last whiff of my scent, long after I am lost in the wilderness of my soul.
Suggested read: Why none of us need the forever love…
I leave you doubtful and silent and confused and terrified and breathless, with the intensity of a maddening roller-coaster of emotions not many hearts can brave.
And maybe, just maybe, that, rightfully, makes you afraid to love me.
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It’s not every day that you meet a girl who’d held back every raging hurricane of words in her soul, every howling storm of thoughts in her being and every threatening cyclone of nightmares in her eyes clamped up so tight under her sheath of a skin, for a long, long time, until such a moment that the ‘pretty’ unshakeable fortress on her skin exploded with a furious rage to let her spirit free. And if you thought, even for a moment, that you could clip her wings to bring her back to the rubble she left behind, you were mistaken.
I am keeping my wings. And if that scares you and makes you afraid to love me, I am sorry.
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I am sorry for not becoming who you want me to be. I am sorry for wearing my forbidden parts and my terrifying bits unapologetically. I am sorry that I do not know to fancy-dress my raw and naked self with fleeting, flimsy fixes of a make-do generation. I am sorry that my broken bits are so whole and unchanging that they create fear in the likes of you. I am sorry for being as draining as I am giving. I am sorry my ‘unreal’ ideas of love are so real to me that I strive to make them a reality with someone who’s equally willing to try. I am sorry for being able to love so much, and with such gripping intensity that I can only scare you away.
I am sorry, because I am NOT sorry, after all.
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