Divorced men in movies come in all shapes and sizes. You have a huge variety ranging from Steve Carrell in ‘Crazy Stupid Love,’ who has a style makeover to pick up girls from bars, all the way to Robin Williams in ‘Mrs Doubtfire,’ who puts on a wig and becomes a woman to get his old family back. Whatever the type may be, you can be assured that real life can be trickier than reel life!
Dating a divorced man may cause some to raise their eyebrows; after all, he must have done something if a woman divorced him, right?
Suggested read: Short story – She’s a divorcee, but I’m falling for her!
But not all men are to blame in their divorces; sometimes the wife is just as guilty, if not more. Dating a divorced man has many advantages, like being more practical, having realistic expectations, etc. But it is a relationship that comes with its own set of challenges, so it’s better to be cautious. Here are a few things to consider before dating a divorced man.
1. Divorce Status
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First things first – is he really divorced? While this sounds like an obvious question, the fact is that divorces can take several months to years to get finalized, although the couple may have been living separately for more than that. Courts even grant trial periods for the couple as a last resort to work things out. Make sure that the guy you are dating is completely free of his previous marriage, or it can get very ugly.
2. Reason for divorce
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Some people say that this equates to prying into his past life, but ignore them – this information is relevant to you. If it was something like abuse or infidelity on his part, then it’s a blaring red flag. No man would like to talk about his divorce in too much detail, but his body language and other subtle variations in his demeanor will give you a lot of clues to consider how much of a hand he had in the breakdown of the marriage.
3. Ex-wife
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Some divorces are amicable, and both parties just split ways and leave each other alone after that. But some can be very spiteful, especially if they feel that the other person is moving on when they themselves haven’t been able to. There’s no better way to put it – watch out for a psycho ex-wife; she can make life a living hell for you if she finds out about your relationship.
4. Kids
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It’s quite likely that the man you’re dating has kids from his previous marriage. This adds an entirely new dimension to the relationship, since he can’t ever completely sever his ties with his kids. This also means that he’ll be interacting with his ex-wife frequently, when it comes to matters pertaining to the kids. Having kids also means that he’ll have much less time to spend with you, especially when it comes to weekends and festivals.
Suggested read: How to talk to your kids about your second marriage
5. Finances
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A divorced man has more financial responsibilities than the average single guy. He has to pay alimony to his ex wife and maintenance for his kids. Besides these, he has to maintain the house he lives in and probably hire a housekeeper for it. This is unlikely to leave behind too much spare cash, which might limit your spending habits too, especially if you earn well and like the good life.
6. Extra Baggage
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Getting divorced is a major life event, and no one can overcome it in a jiffy. If he’s just recently been divorced, he’s probably still hurting and you could be part of a rebound relationship. You’ll have to be absolutely sure that he’s completely over his past marriage and wife, and that he’s ready to start afresh. If he seems to be talking about his ex a little too much, you should be wary and give the relationship a serious thought.
Suggested read: 7 undeniable reasons why rebound relationships are the worst
7. Expectations
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Every divorced man handles his situation differently. Some men might be more committed to the new relationship in an effort to fix things and learn from their old mistakes. They might be more aware of what they stand to lose, and they’ll take that extra effort. Some other men might want to take things slow and easy, since they’re not yet ready to commit. You have to find out if your guy’s expectations sync with yours before investing more into the relationship – both emotionally as well as mentally.
Every person is different and it’s hard to generalize, especially when it comes to something as personal as a divorce. But it’s best to be informed before you enter a relationship like this, which can get quite complicated if all the relevant aspects are not considered. Like the old adage goes, better to be safe than sorry!
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