“There are other fish in the sea”, is the same old consolation we feed ourselves after a rough break up. We keep convincing ourselves that out of the seven billion people on this planet, there must be more than one ‘one true love’ for any of us. Romantic novels and flashy movies have skewed our idea of finding love, and especially what we should expect of it when we do find it. It can be hard to realize, but more often than not, we’re so overwhelmed by our own emotions that we lose track of what’s real.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
We sometimes tend to expect the most unreasonable of responses from our partners, and we ruin perfectly healthy romantic companionship. We’re so hung up on the idea of finding love; finding the ideal person; that we (most of us at least) don’t stop to consider what to do when we’re done accomplishing that. And more often than not, we find the wrong person and are ever eager to commit to a relationship. We feel like we’ve been running a 10 mile long marathon, and we’ve finally reached the finish line. We expect things to calm down, and we sit down, expecting someone to rush towards us with some chilled beer. We drop our guard, and we compromise our rationality.
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Suggested read: On breaking up with a best friend
We vow to ourselves not to make the same mistake again, and some of us even become disillusioned by the very idea of ‘finding love’. We lay down our efforts to rest, and realize how volatile human emotions can be. We realize how fickle we are, in the face of rock-strong commitments and presumably eternal promises. We look around and see our friends suffering from the pox of attachment, and we’re made more cautious.
Then there are people who tell you to be patient, assuming in the blink of an eye that you want or need something like romantic love to sustain yourself. There seems to be an obnoxious trend of people trying to desperately fit into society by looking for partners, because apparently that seems to be the norm. I’m sure this has included me and you at some point in our lives, but we’re slowly growing out of it. Perhaps the funniest thing about us is the fact how easy it is to intensify an emotion or an attachment, to the point that ‘casual’ relationships or even something like a friends-with-benefits has a tendency to get muddied by unwanted emotions.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Our ‘hearts,’ our hormones, our emotions feel so beyond our control, and the most intense of emotions dull so quickly. We’re hugely flawed beings, reaching for things that might not even be meant for us. But we do it regardless, like a child reaching for a naked flame. We begin to look toward other things in life; we slowly begin to see the innumerable factors that are responsible for the few strong relationships that last years, and we ask ourselves, is it really worth it?
This clearly isn’t an article providing you with a detailed list of things to do to get a romantic partner. For quite a lot of people, some of the arguments this article makes will be in direct conflict with their world views. However, I’ve taken care to mention certain objective trends in the pursuit of finding love, and not my own biased opinions. If you’re currently dating, or are about to date sometime in the future, do bear some of these in mind. Most love lives have extraordinarily similar features, and there’s honestly no single ‘truth’ to help it last longer. Again, the question of whether it’s worth it or not is really up to you to answer. And remember, broken hearts can survive just fine, given enough time and thought.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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