The Psychology Of Love: Give Your EGO A Break!

by Nikhil Joseph · September 30, 2015

My friend and I were talking and I was asked a seemingly rhetorical question – “What is love?” and (at the time) to which I replied, “To me, love is a chemical combination of testosterone and oxytocin.” When I pondered deeper, I realized that the chemical changes in our body is probably and an easier way to look at the complicated and intricate design that’s known as LOVE.

So what is Oxytocin you might ask… The layman’s name is the ‘cuddle’ or ‘love’ hormone, because it’s released from the pituitary gland when people bond socially.

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So now take a step back and analyze your many past relationships, honestly decipher what qualities made you fall in love with that person. The reality of the situation could be way different from what we perceive at that time of our life. We romanticize our encounters only due to the chemical changes going through our bodies (the honeymoon phase), and it’s because of these changes we find that we make choices based on our values (or lack thereof) to keep the romance in order.

Suggested read: 9 stunning scientific reasons why men cheat

It’s the moment we stop caring about these choices, is when we start to spiral into chaos. The universe plays a massive role at this point and you find yourself being revisited by ghosts from your past relationships. We are constantly tested on these lines and if it isn’t for our core values being established at an early stage in life, we could find ourselves often feeling ‘lost or confused.’ This is the whole part of being human and if you were to ignore the action and science fiction, the love story from the Matrix trilogies shows us, ‘no matter the length of the relationship, in the end, it’s the choices we make that define the love shared.’ Choose to keep the other person’s heart safe, no matter what the universe throws at you because you would want your heart treated the same way.

Image Source: Google, copyright free under Creative Common License

On the flipside, “EGO: in layperson terms, is how a person perceives themselves from a part of the mind that senses and adapts to the real world,” (aka Agent Smith from the Matrix) can be our greatest crutch. The constant need to control and dominate will only set back the evolution of the relationship. Keep your EGO in check, try to see the other person’s perspective, especially during times of hurt and confusion. Given empathy a shot instead.

There is an audiobook called ‘The Psychology of Pleasure’ by Nathaniel Branden, in which he states that “the function of pleasure is to give man/woman a sense of his/her own efficacy. Basically, having pleasure is enjoying life because one feels successful in the way he/she lives his/her life and because he/she values life and believes that life is worth living. A person’s individual pleasures are determined by his/her values and what makes him/her feel like a successful being, and a person’s values reflect his/her conscious or subconscious view of himself/herself,” this to me is the basic information we should be given in school/life. It’s important to get to know and befriend our subconscious because this way, we are always aware of the choices we make.

In conclusion, do good things and good things will happen; choose well and choose love. This is a brilliant video on the psychology of love and pleasure which will let you get started.