The biggest mystery in the universe is not the big bang or the black holes. They are WOMEN. Limitless account of research has been done to decode this gender by the researchers. Thousands of books and poems have been written about them, but when it comes to predicting their actions, all of it goes for a toss.
This post is about my own feeble attempt at this Herculean, nay Sisyphean task. Welcome to Decoding Women 101 – an attempt made by me to unravel this mysterious gender.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
No prizes for guessing it was bound to fail.
I didn’t really do much except decide that I’d spend an entire day with a woman- my sister. She was excited (as I suppose all women are) when she learnt that I wanted to “talk” to her about her life. Getting to know a woman can be an impossible task. I knew that it was a mission that could crash and bump any moment, but I wanted to give it a shot.
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“Oh! Do you want to start with my closet?”
She didn’t really wait for my reply and opened her neat and organized closet for me to have a look.
I wanted to pass that move. I wanted to take a few steps back, but it was too late.
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Pink unicorns and double ended rainbows hit me the moment she opened her wardrobe. She had an outfit for every occasion. There were backup outfits, and then there were backup outfits for the backup outfits! Scarf holders, skirt holders, socks holders- I started to feel like a messy, disorganized idiot or a genius- I’ll never know! I simply chose to watch Transformers on my phone to recover from the shock.
“Now, let’s go and shop together. It would be so much fun!” she said, the moment I stepped out of my room.
I knew that I had made a wrong move but it was too late to go back.
“Oh! Look at that cat!” she screamed at the top of her voice as we were about to enter the store.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
I had no idea what she was doing right there in the middle of the street – taking photos of that hideous cat and playing with her for so long. I reminded her that we would be late, but she appeared to be under some sort of spell at the time. She made me take a thousand pictures of her with the cat and selected one out of all those countless pictures.
“Now put that filter. Make it double expose. Nah! It’s not that good! Let’s go inside – you will get us late!”
What? What did I do? I mean… what just happened!
I was sure that I had seen the worst until we entered the store. She tried almost everything that was available in her size.
“Uhm. What do you think about this dress? Grey or taupe – which one is good?”
She made me realize that I was colour blind as I was not able to differentiate between two similar tones.
As I came home, I had nothing to look forward to. I was tired of carrying her shopping bags all day long and simply wanted to sleep.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
“It was such a great day. I feel that you know me better now. Thanks a lot for the treat and paying for my clothes!” she said as we came back.
“What? I didn’t pay for…”
“Of course, you did. That was your card!”
“How did you know my pin?”
“I’m your sister, stupid! I know everything about you. I have to go and try that lavender dress now!”
As she giggled and rushed to her room, I simply lay there – broke and lifeless while cursing myself for taking on a ridiculous mission like that!
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What was I even thinking?
They’d know you in and out- including your ATM pin, but we, we mere mortal men, can only hope to try and get a glimpse. But if you listen to sound advice, take it from me- do NOT try to understand women!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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