Counting down the days till I see him again, I am often asked if the wait is worth it. And my answer is an instant YES. Always.
Ssshhhh…before you pass me off for a silly romantic, let me make a confession. I hate long distance relationships. I really do.
Wrapping myself in my bed sheet, pulling my pillow close like it’s some weird substitute of him and breathing in the air of his absence like ‘twere opium numbing the pain for a while sucks. Big time.
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And yet, there’s nothing like his half-sleepy voice seeping in from the other end of the world at 2 am, only because he couldn’t NOT talk to me before our dreams took over. The promise of that one phone call takes me through each day of painful longing. His love, smiling back at me from the screen, keeps me drunk on the hope of togetherness every single moment. And not every mouth that pops the question about my wait and it’s worth knows the sweet pain of this addiction.
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Not every heart in the world knows what it is like to be drunk on someone’s words- feeling the ache inside while you take slow sips of the love on the screen, feeling it slip into your chest, crawl into your heart and drown it in the feeling you get when he hugs you, for real. Not every heart in the world knows what it is like to see vivid dreams of everything you’d say or do when you see him next and wake up to the idea of kissing the crinkles in his eyes when your good morning text would make him smile. Not every heart in the world knows what it is like to miss his touch on lonely afternoons, when a song on the radio is slowly turning the fall of dusk into his shadow, so close yet so far. Not every heart in the world knows what it is like to long to drown in the ocean of someone’s eyes and sink and keep sinking until you are inseparable.
Suggested read: 15 surprisingly simple long distance relationship advice to bring you closer
Only those, separated in distance, but not in love- know the sweet pain and devour it, savoring each moment of agony with patience and fortitude, for it makes togetherness infinite times sweeter. It sounds contrarian, I know, but hasn’t love always been a mixture of delectable opposites? You get so mad at someone you love so much that you can’t explain it. You do things for someone that you wouldn’t ever do for anybody else. A simple gesture from your beloved turns your world around and suddenly, your universe has shrunk into the one heart you can always call home.
So, no matter where you go, this home shall be yours- coz you’ve made it your own.
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And in that sense, distance is but a choice. A commitment. A decision to choose him every day because you wouldn’t have it otherwise. And that’s the naked truth about all long distance relationships. That’s what all long distance relationships boil down to- a choice.
Only those hearts grow fonder when separated by miles, that love truly and deeply. Others grow cold and distant, ready to slip ‘distance’ as a valid excuse for choosing to allow the miles to change your connection, for choosing to slip up on investing in your relationship and for choosing to let go.
Either way, a choice makes or breaks everything you were and everything you can be.
And I choose him, today, tomorrow and every day after that. Because no matter how busy we are doing what we gotta do, when our minds are numb and our bodies tired, we still fall back into each other, staving the distance between us, ready to choose to fall for each other, all over again.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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