Whether a couple is newlywed or has just fallen in love, whether they are seeking to rejuvenate their sexual connection or looking to reignite their lost romantic spark, whether a couple is looking for ways to salvage a damaged relationship wherein a partner has strayed or looking to reconcile or snap the trust that has been broken, infidelity is a twisted game. Now, let’s get this clear – I am not making excuses for infidelity. There isn’t any excuse for infidelity – even if people are wanting to seek their fulfilment outside their long-term relationship and also not leaving their current relationship, in the twisted attempt to strike a painful balance between the two. Infidelity is always a ‘choice.’ And while monogamy is highly esteemed and deemed compulsory in all relationships, its hegemonic dominance is highly contested by statistics. Infidelity examiner, Ruth Houston states that about 50-70% of men cheat on their partners. And whilst I am, in no way, implying that infidelity is monopolized by one sex or that it is the right thing to do, I am declaring its ubiquitous presence.
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Yes, infidelity is all-pervasive and in various forms. Here’s a ready-to-use list of the several types of infidelity:
1. Opportunistic infidelity
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When a person succumbs to a cheating opportunity that comes his/her way, knowing that there are minimal chances of getting caught. This type of infidelity is usually a one-off experience that induces feelings of guilt after the encounter, owing to the love that the cheater feels toward their partner. However, the feeling of guilt gradually ebbs as the fear of being caught subsides.
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2. Romantic/emotional infidelity
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This type of infidelity occurs when there is little emotional attachment between the cheating partner and their spouse. They are committed to their partners and strive to make it work but their longing for an intimate, loving connection with somebody else causes them to act upon their cheating impulse. This type of infidelity results in a longstanding affair outside of the commitment/marriage, and either brings in pain for the other man/woman or results in the end of the marriage.
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3. Conflicted romantic infidelity
This type of infidelity involves experiencing ‘romantic affiliation’ for more than one person at a time. Despite one’s idealistic notion about having one true love, it is possible to experience a strong emotional connect for multiple people at the same time. Although the situation starts out as innocuous and isn’t intended to hurt anyone, it ends up hurting everyone involved in the complicated equation.
4. Commemorative infidelity
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This type of cheating occurs when a couple is connected by a mere sense of commitment toward each other. There is no genuine feeling or sexual desire that binds them, save the obligation they feel due to the ‘commitment label’ they have sealed their association with. They usually justify cheating by telling themselves that they have a right to look outside for what their current relationship lacks. In this type of infidelity, the cheater strives to keep their current ‘unhappy’ relationship existent under all circumstances due to a fear of being deemed a failure.
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5. Obligatory infidelity
When people cheat on their spouses for an intuitive need for approbation, it falls within the category of obligatory infidelity. This type of infidelity is based upon a fear of rejection – a fear that resisting somebody’s advances may result in rejection. In this type of infidelity, the cheater may have strong feelings of love, sexual desire, and attachment for their spouse but end up cheating all the same owing to their strong need for approval.
6. Situational infidelity
When a person allows circumstances to aggravate to such a state that they feel cheating is the only viable choice. This isn’t really the case as the cheater is himself/herself responsible for the situation. For example, a man who chooses to be in the company of friends who are cheating on their spouses and allows peer pressure to get to him or someone who fails to put his/her foot down when somebody is coming on too strongly or throwing themselves at them.
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7. Circumstantial infidelity
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When a person finds himself/herself under circumstances that make it incredibly easy to cheat, with zilch possibility of being caught. For example, on a work trip in another state/country.
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8. Accidental infidelity
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When a person succumbs to cheating under the influence of drugs/alcohol which impaired his judgment and/or lowered his inhibitions. The inebriated condition of the cheater poses a distinct problem about the ethical boundaries involved within this type of infidelity.
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9. Premeditated infidelity
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As opposed to opportunistic or accidental infidelity, this one is a premeditated act of betrayal. Unlike a one-night stand or a chance encounter, this type of cheating is persistent and usually chronic. The cheater sets out to cheat when they feel that some of their desires are not being met in their relationship with their long-term partner. This may be sexual zing, emotional fulfillment or even a need for a thrilling liaison.
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10. Willful infidelity
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When a person cheats on his/her long-term partner with complete knowledge of the consequences of betrayal, what it would entail, and what he/she stands to lose, it is deemed as willful. The most blatant act of exercising the ‘choice’ to cheat, this one involves a completely sane, well-assessed choice of transgressing the boundaries of fidelity.
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11. Intentional infidelity
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When a person has no qualms about cheating on his/her partner provided they find themselves in a position conducive to the act of betrayal, it is deemed as intentional infidelity. This type of infidelity is deeply seated in one’s personality and shows poorly developed conscientiousness.
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Whichever form infidelity takes, it is always a ‘choice’ that cuts at the very core of ‘trust’ present in a relationship. The damage so caused is irreparable and the fear of another betrayal always looms large. The message is written on the wall: fidelity is not a norm and society must find ways to either challenge the monogamous cultural script better or be able to hide the infidelity better. It is either change or cope!!
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