As much as you’d like to be happy and smiling and feeling good about yourself all the time, it’s inevitable that you go through periods in your life where you feel down. One feeling that dominates these down periods is feeling unlovable. That there’s something wrong with you that makes you particularly unlovable to those around you. Such moments are natural, making you feel as if you just can’t get out of the mire you unfortunately find yourself in. However, as painful as this is, and as bottomless as the pit you seem to be stuck in feels, there are ways to get through this in one piece.
One thing you need to focus on and realize is the fact that you won’t feel this way for very long. That you won’t feel unlovable forever. The best things that will help you get out of this funk are time and a little help.
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It’s not just you who’s feeling this way, you know. Almost everybody feels this way at some or the other point in their lives. It doesn’t matter how charming and blessed and perfect you think your life is, you will feel this way, even if it’s just for a very short period, because it’s the way human beings are. The reasons for feeling unlovable are aplenty. You may be going through a painful breakup, which tends to send your self-esteem crashing down, or it may even be that someone spiteful told you that you were unlovable in the heat of the moment. Things said in the heat of the moment are spontaneous and that’s the reason they tend to stick with you longer than a kind word said during calm periods.
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It doesn’t matter what is making you guess your lovable quality and feeling down on yourself, you just can’t give in to the thinking that you are, actually, that way. If you dwell on the same thing over and over for a long time, it’s going to take a toll on your mental well-being, which has the potential to turn your life topsy-turvy. And it isn’t a very pleasant feeling to experience – this feeling of being unlovable, because loving and being loved is one of the most basic, fundamental human needs.
If you’re feeling unlovable at the moment and feeling really low, there are certain important things you need to remember. These things are potent enough to pull you out of the funk you find yourself in, and help you realize that you are, indeed, as lovable as anyone else.
1. Your mind may be a negative place.
Not everyone is positive all the time. There are times when even the best of us can give in to pessimism and allow negative thoughts to dominate our brains. If you’re feeling particularly unlovable at the moment, it may just be because your mind churning up all the negatives there are, and then some. Realize and understand that it’s not because you’ve done something wrong or even bad, but just being stuck in a negative mindset.
Having such a negative mindset has the potential to bring other good things down to the same negative level. You have to consciously make a choice to stay away from such negative thoughts and focus on the positives instead. It’s hard to control your thoughts, granted, but it’s not impossible. If you want to get out of feeling down in the dumps, keep the negativity at bay by doing all in your power.
2. Focusing on positives and good things can help.
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Consciously channel all your thoughts towards all the good things in your life, and bring the much-needed positivity into it. Also, focus on only the positive aspects and outcomes of any situation you face, and try hard to not let your mind wander into the land of the negatives. Positivity trumps negativity, which makes your feeling of being unlovable go away. If not immediately, it does happen gradually. Try to always look for the good and don’t give any attention to the negative aspects of things.
3. The people that matter in your life don’t think you’re unlovable.
Your parents, your siblings, cousins, friends, extended family, or even your significant other, if you have one, will tell you how wrong you are if you’re thinking you’re unlovable. You might think that they will just say so to make you feel better and that they’re obligated to feel and say that way. But that’s not true at all. They love you for who you are; that’s why they are all still in your life. If you had been as unlovable as you think you are, they wouldn’t be there, right?
Everybody that’s important in your life thinks that you’re lovable, and you need to make an effort to remember that and remind yourself of it when you’re down. Trust your loved ones to know better about your lovable quality than just trusting your transient feelings of negativity.
4. Bad things others say don’t matter.
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Not in the long run, they don’t. As much as you’d like to think that the people around are good and that the world around you is pleasant, it’s not. Everywhere you turn, there’s negativity. Seems like people are feeding off of each other’s negativity. They are feeling bad about themselves and their lives, so they set about doing to the same to anybody they can get their hands on.
What you need to remember when you’re feeling unlovable is that these people who feed off of negativity don’t matter. YOU matter, and what YOU think matters. What these people say about you don’t matter at all in the big picture. Forget they even exist, let alone the hurtful words that they spew. Focus on what YOU think about yourself, and you’ll realize how lovable you really are.
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5. Your self-esteem is in the crapper.
When do you feel the most unlovable, do you think? It’s almost always when your self-esteem takes a hit. Taking all the blame on yourself and thinking it happened because you are unlovable, is one obvious way your mind tries to make sense of things. If someone told you that you’re not pretty enough or cool enough or are one of those ‘manly’ girls, or are not interesting enough to date, it’s bound to make you believe it and feel low.
One thing you need to realize here is that it’s just someone else’s opinion of you, based on a single or a handful of interactions with you. That they don’t know you well. That they couldn’t know all the amazing, kickass aspects of your personality. That their opinion doesn’t matter in the end, because what does matter is your opinion of yourself. Your self-esteem will fluctuate from time to time, but that, in no way, means that you’re unlovable.
6. Keep yourself busy engaged in something you love.
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This can help you get out of the funk by making you feel better about yourself. Doing something you love can make you happy, which in turn will help you realize that you’re not unlovable at all. Boredom and generally not doing anything you like can make your mind start thinking negative thoughts. So keep your hobbies and interests going, at all times, even when you’re feeling particularly unlovable.
When you’re feeling low and seem to be in a funk, unlike your usual self, always do things that make you happy. Apart from taking your mind off of your funk, these things will make you feel good about yourself. They will also keep your mind from conjuring up worst case scenarios and harmful feelings.
7. There are more good things about you than bad.
When someone tells you something bad about you, you tend to focus all your energy on that one bad thing and tend to forget all the good things that you still possess. That forgetfulness happens when you start to feel unlovable, however, that’s the most important thing you need to remember. You have more good in you than bad; that’s true for almost everybody.
Nobody is perfect; so you may have a few qualities that are not so great. But you have more qualities and traits that are actually amazing. Try not to dwell on the bad things when you can focus on the good. When you focus your energies on to the good traits that you possess, you’ll start to feel pretty lovable.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others.
You are you, nobody else. And you are a unique individual, with your own flaws, imperfections, quirks, and idiosyncrasies that make you who you are. So stop comparing yourself to others. There’s no end to the comparisons you can make, and you’ll never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, short enough, or busty enough than the object of your reference.
Realize and understand that everyone is different and everyone has their own flaws and quirks that make them unique. People in your life, the ones that matter, love you for YOU, not in the hopes that you’ll be someone else.
9. Accepting yourself the way you are will make a huge difference.
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Do you love yourself? Just the way you are? Do you accept yourself? Are you happy with you are? If you answered no to these questions, then the feeling of being unlovable stems from these, and nothing external. This is sure to have a negative impact on your mental state. Everyone can improve and better themselves as an individual, but that can happen only when you accept and love yourself – flaws and all. Loving yourself the way you are is the first step in stop feeling unlovable.
10. Surround yourself with people who love you.
Believe me, there are plenty of such people. You just have to have the patience to seek them out and hang out with them often enough. Not only will this help you feel lovable, it will boost your self-esteem too. Try to avoid being alone, and also avoid people who put you down.
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11. Make a list of all the things that you love about yourself.
This might seem like a pretty lame exercise, but it sure works. When you wake up every morning, just lie there on your bed, and start listing off all the things that you love and admire about yourself. However small or insignificant you might think it may be, list it out. Make a physical list if you think that would help. Do this every single day when you wake up, and you’ll see a marked difference in yourself.
There is no short cut to stop feeling crappy and unlovable. YOU need to choose to be happy by accepting and loving yourself the way you are, warts and all. In fact, these warts and flaws and quirks are what make you YOU. Embrace yourself in all your imperfect glory!
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