You know how people think women are dramatic creatures? How they feel like we are all about the drama? Yeah, those people must never have met a specimen from the male species because I honestly believe men are way more dramatic than women are. While a lot of men don’t have qualms about getting down on one knee and popping all sorts of questions to women they love and admire, there are as many men who are afraid of showing their true feelings.
I know this because I have met way too many men who have shown genuine interest in me, but have failed to express their feelings, simply because they were afraid of commitment and the responsibilities and obligations that come with being in a relationship. Unfortunately, this is an obvious sign that your boy is immature, but there is nothing you can do about it. After all, you cannot force someone to grow up or change.
Suggested read: 8 Startling Reasons Why Hopeless Romantics Might Just Be Commitment Phobes In Disguise
What you can do, is try to recognize the signs he wants a relationship but is scared to commit because of whatever reason. This will help you deal with the person better, and proceed accordingly, and if the liking is mutual, you can do certain things to edge the relationship along, so that he doesn’t freak out and back away.
Here are all the obvious (and some very subtle) signs he wants a relationship but is scared.
- He is all about giving you mixed signals
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Boys who are afraid to commit have a problem. They are all about giving off mixed signals which confuses the hell out of you, because you don’t know what to make of their strange behavior. More of than not, it so happens that when they are with you, you hit it off and have the best time ever and you can be easy-going, honest and yourself around him and you know he can be the same with you.
However, the moment you are out of each other’s sights, he doesn’t text you or call you and is usually cold with his communications. This usually means that he gets freaked out with how comfortable you two are with each other and doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you, not because you are the problem, but because he is afraid to commit.
- All your friends think you are a couple
Have all your friends been teasing you about him, and have all his friends just taken for granted that the two of you are together? Has this happened to you? If this is the case, then this is because the two of you have been behaving in a way that has given of the impression that you are clearly romantically attracted to each other.
While you might not be very subtle about it, and you are hella comfortable in his presence, he might get a little shifty when people start linking the two of you up together. However, this is only because he is in denial, and even though there is a real spark there, he doesn’t want to believe it and is scared to admit how he really feels.
- He keeps talking about all the things that he loves about you
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The reason you are reading this article is because you have noticed something happening between you and him, which is definitely more than friendship, but definitely not ready to be a relationship. You know something like this is happening when you feel like the best version of yourself around him, because he is constantly telling you everything that he loves about you. He makes you feel beautiful and confident through his words and actions, which more often than not implies that he genuinely cares for you and likes you.
- He gets shifty when the “L” word is mentioned
So, he keeps talking about everything he “loves” about you, but he doesn’t like it when the “L” word is mentioned with regards to the two of you? This is probably because he is afraid of getting into a relationship. The moment one of you start talking about love and loving people, he usually starts to get shift and uncomfortable and tries to change the topic, not very subtly.
Suggested read: If Your Boyfriend Is Afraid Of Commitment, Here’s How You Can Get Him To Cross The Bridge
- He talks about getting hurt in past relationships
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If you are at a stage where you suspect that he likes you as more than a friend, then chances are that he also confides in you. However, if you think that he likes you but is afraid to commit to a relationship, then one of the signs is him talking about his past relationships. One of the reasons people start avoiding relationships and the whole idea of exclusive commitments is because of bad past experiences.
If he talks about how he was hurt, and how doesn’t want to go through something like that ever again, then he is giving you a sign that he likes you, but is afraid to get his heart broken. He might be doing this consciously or unconsciously, and it is up to you to pick up on the signals.
- You hang out with his inner circle
For men, taking a woman to hang out with their closest friends, it taking them to meet their parents is like a rite of passage. Once you have done one of the two things mentioned above, you can safely assume that you hold some sort of special place in his life or heart. Your man is definitely interested in dating you or has some sort of romantic inclinations towards you, if you have been attending family get-togethers, and having out with his close buddies.
These are also the people who automatically assume that the two of you are together, or at least, on the verge of getting together, but both of you know the reality of the situation, and how complicated it is.
- He avoids you completely when you talk about a potential future
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While some signs are more subtle, and have to be understood subtly, other signs are very blatant and on your face, and cannot be avoided. They sit like an elephant in the room and it usually leads to painful, awkward silences and interactions. Have you seen your man spontaneously disappear or violently change the topic or ignore you completely when you mention anything related to love, relationships or a romantic future?
You might think that this is because he isn’t interested in you that way at all, but in fact, the opposite is true. If he behaves very intimate with you in other spaces and situations and only starts to avoid you when things get too real or too close for comfort, then you are not the problem, he is. His aversion to love and anything permanent (because of whatever) reason makes him want to escape any situation that might include those things.
- He gets jealous when you start getting close to other guys
Have you seen him side-eyeing other guys that you might be friends with or close to? This is probably because he is already possessive about you, and is in some way, afraid of losing you to someone who isn’t as commitment phobic as he is. When you become too attached to a person, you tend to become territorial about them, and that is exactly what happens to men who like you, but are afraid of saying it to your face, or committing to you.
- You are the first person he comes to for anything
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One of the most telling signs that he likes you, is when he comes to you before he goes to anyone else. You share everything, and whenever something important or unimportant happens in his life, he can’t wait to share it with you. You two are basically in a relationship with each other without putting a label on it, and everyone around you can see that, except the two of you of course.
He also comes to you for advice, and you are comfortable talking about everything under the sun with him, except when it comes to matters of the heart and love and relationships, because that just gets too much for your man to handle.
Suggested read: 10 Surefire Signs You Have An Irrational Fear Of Commitment
- He finds it difficult expressing his feelings
While some men might be commitment phobic which is why they don’t want to get into a relationship with you, other men might be behaving this way because that is just who they are as people. Men are also extroverts, they can have trouble expressing themselves clearly to other people and may even have trouble understanding their own emotions.
If your man is confused about the way he is feeling, then this might be a plausible cause why he is behaving as though he were smitten with you, but immediately starts avoiding you when it comes to putting a label on your relationship.
These were all the signs he wants a relationship but is scared. If you have been seeing him behave this way, then reevaluate your dynamics, and if you like him back, honestly the best thing to do is be honest about the way you feel.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License
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