Although I have never read any of the Mills and Boon books in high school, or even college for that matter, the thought of “love” and “soulmate” would occasionally cross my mind. The other thoughts that would follow were:
“Was that really possible?”
“Was someone created solely for me?”
“How would I find him? And most importantly, when will I find him?”
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Then came the series of boyfriends, some better than others, but yet, not quite. After a point, I did give up and also stopped believing in something as silly as this soulmate concept. At the back of my mind, I hoped that this was just a phase and that things would brighten up soon. Some of my friends were as cynical as me, but some others insisted that I must persuade myself into “falling in love.” I genuinely wasn’t sure how that would work. So did I have to walk up to a guy and say “come, let’s fall in love”? It was unclear to me, and I didn’t want to waste my time.
Suggested read: 8 telltale signs he is your soul mate
So I waited, without making any effort. Sat on my ass and let life pass me by. Days turned into weeks and then a few months later, I revisited the advice my positive friends gave me.
Perhaps they were right after all? Even Rumi said, “Open your hands, if you want to be held.” Now, I leaned forward with my hands outstretched, waiting for a miracle. I wanted to move forward, yet, was reluctant. And after a lot of hesitation, it was as though someone had pushed me, and I managed to take a few steps forward. The fear of not being able to find a soulmate also persisted alongside these steps, but I had to make it work with whatever I had. And all I had was an open mind that constantly popped a question when will I meet my soulmate?
Finding your soulmate is really just your perception. While some believe that there is no such thing as a soulmate, others make do with whatever is in front of them. Some of the things that I learnt while finding my soulmate were:
1. Keeping an open mind
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It’s hard for most of us to do this. We have a very prejudiced mind. We jump to conclusions sooner than a monkey would at the sight of a banana! But I don’t blame you; it’s very natural. Keep an open mind; for all you know, your soulmate has been with you for donkey’s years in the form of a friend, classmate, or a neighbor. It’s just that you refuse to see beyond that frosted glass. I’ve heard of magical stories about how two people met each other at the most unusual places, yet hit it off and lived to celebrate fifty years of togetherness.
2. Minimize expectations
It’s alright to have very high standards when it comes to manners, ethics, and morals. But don’t expect the same while choosing a partner. You will be making it difficult for yourself, because, let’s face it – there is no person who is perfect. Moreover, we need to change our ideologies around the term “perfection.” What’s the point in finding your soulmate who is perfect? It will get boring very soon. A little bit of drama doesn’t hurt too much. We all need entertainment, after all! So don’t expect too much from a person, lest you get disappointed. Do you have overriding expectations of how your soulmate should look, comb their hair, and the number of siblings they must have? If yes, you need to STOP at once!
3. Be more accepting
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The only way you could make a relationship work is by being more accepting towards the other. I’ve learnt this over the years, you cannot, and I repeat CANNOT, be rigid about your expectations and tolerance towards the other person. Some people are just different; we all are. Everyone wants to be accepted, so you can make a start with yourself and accept people for who they are. Sometimes we meet people and then expect them to change themselves for us. You can’t do that and then wonder if this person is my soulmate.
4. You be the first to make a move
Well, if you are gonna wait and wonder when will I meet my soulmate without making the first move, I might as well break it to you that you would have to wait for a very long time. It’s alright to make the first move irrespective of whether you are a woman or a man. You see, someone has to take charge, why don’t you be that someone? Also, you will then have the upper hand in the relationship *winks*.
Suggested read: 7 powerful reasons why looking for a soul mate might leave you unhappy
5. Change the image in your head
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We all have had hopes and dreams of finding our Prince Charming riding a horse in shining armor. But, does that really happen? Unlike movies where your “love at first sight” moment happens with violins playing in the background, a swift yet steady breeze that makes your perfectly blow dried hair fly a little and then your eyes meet. Love in real life can happen during the most unexpected times and circumstances. So, if you are waiting for your soulmate with all these images in your head, you are wasting your time. You can never be prepared for those moments, because they just happen and you need to go with the flow.
6. Give them a chance
How easily do you dismiss people? Do you underestimate people and write them off quickly? We all make mistakes and deserve a second chance. So if you were just about to brand your girlfriend or boyfriend as your “soulmate,” but then changed your mind because of something trivial, you should reconsider your decision. Because it’s only you that can make it happen, wouldn’t you like to be given another chance if you made a mistake? Wouldn’t you like to do something different than what you did, if you could? Think about it.
7. Work on people
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Fine, you are actively pursuing someone and something tells you that this person is the one. Now you want to take things to the next level, so what would you do? Don’t just sit there and expect everything to turn out the way you want it to be. Spend time and energy on this person, work on them. They say when two people love each other immensely, they bring out the best in each other. I swear by this. Ever since I met my boyfriend, my life has changed – for the good. I’ve been able to do so many things that I never thought I’d be able to achieve. He surely brings out the best in me. His constant encouragement and support keeps me going and that’s why I know he is my soulmate. He has worked on me and I, on him. We have changed so much since we first met, and we have imbibed each other’s good qualities. We have become more patient and tolerant, and have started viewing life with a very optimistic approach. It couldn’t have been better, and I couldn’t have asked for more.
8. Don’t give up on them
It’s easy for us to wash our hands off a person who doesn’t fit into our category or our likeness. More often than not, we would write them off and leave them behind in an attempt to move forward. But the trick is to not give up on them. Sometimes I have to push myself harder to like someone, and I do end up liking them thereafter. I’m sure we all have those friends who we are very close to but we never liked them in the beginning. I guess we like them now because we got used to them, but then if you realize it’s also because you never gave up on them! So why not your partner too?
9. Less of you and more of them
How do you tell if you are one of those self-involved/obsessed people? I wouldn’t totally brand you as selfish. Because at one point, even I used to be like that and then it dawned on me that I could never think of anyone else apart from myself. I then began to consciously make an effort to put the other person before me. The result was quite fulfilling. You see, you alone are not the center of the universe, so make this a little bit more about the other person too. Show them some attention and some love, then see how things work out for you.
Suggested read: Why your true soul mate will never complete you
10. Stop waiting
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I wanted this to be the last point on purpose, because sometimes even if you do all of the above nine things, you may still not find your soulmate. So, you would go back to square one and wonder when will I meet my soulmate? At that point, we want to tell you to stop waiting and whiling away your time in search of that seemingly elusive soulmate. When the time is right, it will all work out and fall in place. Invest your time and energy into constructive things. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe you still haven’t found your soulmate for a pretty good reason.
Sometimes, you have to stop worrying and make things happen on your own. Finding your soulmate is amazing but don’t get disappointed if you don’t find one.
Good luck with your search.
Featured image source: Shutterstock
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