Step By Step Guide On How To Apologize To Your Girlfriend

by Riya Roy · November 5, 2015

“When I make a mistake, she gets angry. She starts crying and so I have to say sorry to her. When she makes a mistake, I get angry. I yell at her, so she starts crying and I have to say sorry to her.”

Man, that’s the way it is, okay?!! Get on with it! You have to stop viewing apologies as a humiliation or a loss of face for God’s sake! If something as small as a three-word expression can save your relationship with this beautiful lady that you love so dearly, what is this ‘loss of power in the eyes of the woman’ thing that you are so worried about?

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“She makes a mountain of a mole and gets mad with me even for little things.” Aww! But didn’t you know that people tend to get angry with those whom they love the most? Think about that! How to apologize to your girlfriend, in my opinion, should have been a crash course for men once they start dating, but better late than never. Since nothing like this has been thought of yet, I am up with a step-by-step guide that will give you all of the details on how to apologize to your girlfriend. Here we go!

Step 1: The chill pill!

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Before talking to your dame, you need to make sure she wants to talk to you in the first place! In most circumstances, a girl is so mad at her BF that his face acts like a red flag in front of a raged bull! Before you start apologizing to your girlfriend, you have to cool her down a little. Send her some flowers and soft toys, shop online for her, or show her some love verbally!

Step 2: ‘Talk’ me to your heart!

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Communication is key, didn’t anyone tell you that?! Just talk to girl, dude! Most of the times, I hear guys say, “I just don’t understand WHY she is mad at me!” And the other one goes, “Yo man, we’re in the same boat!” Well, I think it’s time you try and find out what’s wrong and why is she upset. It is very important that you ask her instead of supposing what could be the reason. By taking out time to understand where the problem is, you will also be able to communicate to your babe that you care and that you want to go to the root of the issue!

Step 3: True ‘caller’

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You need to draw up your apology before you actually say it to her. Remember, ‘Friends’ asking Phoebe to say things in her mind first before uttering them out loud to everyone? Yep, you need to do that, though I hope you will execute better than Phoebe! Now coming back to my point, saying sorry and meaning it are two different things! If you think your woman will not spot the difference, you are the biggest idiot! Start by saying “I made a mistake. I am very sorry about it.” You cannot have a substitute confession. Are you thinking of saying something like, “I know you think I was wrong. So alright I am ready to apologize”? Are you insane? It is a simple: SAY SORRY.

Step 4: Ease my troubles, that’s what you ‘are meant to’ do!

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Like I told you, she will try to throw you out of the room. She is angry, remember? She will ask you to leave immediately. You need to tell her you are here to apologize. Do not roar or yell or talk over her. You must not frighten her or trouble her some more. That will only make things worse! If you see that she is super upset and is not in a position to handle your request for forgiveness at the moment, leave. Ask her if it will be alright for you to call her after a few days.

Step 5: Heal the heart

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This period of time, when your girlfriend analyzes whether or not to see your face again, you must forgive yourself. Yep, I know you are feeling regret or maybe guilt or even shame at what you’ve done. Your guilt is not going to help you heal the almost broken relationship. Shame will only push both of you further away. It is to take responsibility for what you have done. This step in ‘how to apologize to your girlfriend’ needs you to do some internal healing! Remember, I am not telling you that forgiving yourself is about telling yourself, “I did no wrong.” Instead, it involves you owning up to whatever happened, learning from it, and letting it go!

Suggested read: 10 keys to fixing an unhealthy relationship

Step 6: The perfect apology!

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Now that she is ready to talk to you and listen to your apology, make the most of it and don’t goof it up! If you have given good thought to what had happened and where you went wrong, I am sure there is a lot of explaining to be done. Your girlfriend would definitely agree with me! Calmly talk to her about the reasons why things happened the way that they did. You can say something like, “I owe you an apology. I should have never lied to you. I know it is a horrible thing I did and I know that trusting me again will be difficult for you. I really love you and cannot even bear the idea of a life without you. Please give me a last chance to make it up to you. I promise to never repeat what I did.”

Make sure that you look her in the eye when you say this!

Step 7: (Don’t) Show me your love… Yet!

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Once you say what you need to, give her some time to respond. Don’t hound her! Don’t try to shower her with affection. It is still too early for that. Let her shout at you, cry, scream—whatever it takes for her to vent it out, let her do that. Don’t try to hold her hand or kiss and hug her, unless she makes a move!

Step 8: The atonement!

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Knowing how to apologize to your girlfriend will also help you learn how to make amends, which is the only way forward. If you have no idea about your next steps, ask your girl what you can do to make it up to her. (Unless she wants you hanged, the bargain is a good one!) But once you have offered to do something, you must! You are a Lannister now! If you don’t, you will render the whole endeavor useless!

Step 9: Love at first ‘insight’!

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Now that things are looking a little better, you must take all precautions to not end up in a maze, running up to the same point all over again! Rekindle the romance. Love her like you never did before. Remember, making someone fall in love with you for the first time is extremely easy compared to wooing someone who has fallen out of love with you. Send her love letters, take her dancing, and deliver flowers at her work place. Date nights are a must! Make her smile all the time! I know you don’t want to be singing “Now my baby’s dancing, but she’s dancing with another man!” do you?

Step 10: Nothing to joke about!

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In the future, never joke about the incident or talk about it trivially. Don’t try to give hints that it was actually her mistake even though you were the ‘bigger’ one to ask for forgiveness. Achieving something is very easy, but maintaining it is tough. If you really love her and this apology was actually genuine, you will need to always be serious about it. Yes, you have her back in your life, but it won’t take a second for her to leave you like she did once upon a time!

Now that I have lectured you enough about how to apologize to your girlfriend, I must also tell you NOT TO APOLOGIZE, if you are not guilty. You love her and want to make this whole thing work. I get it! But you cannot let her use you like a doormat, if that is what she is doing. Love must be a two-way street, buddy! How do you know who is at fault? Ask your conscience. It never lies!

What is your story? When was the last time you apologized to your girl? How did it go for you? Did she give you a green signal? If yes, you could add the steps we have missed on the ‘ways to apologize to your girlfriend’ (if any!). Tell us all about it! The comments section must never remain empty! 😉

Some food for thought with this song by Bruno Mars, When I Was Your Man: