12 Definite Signs You Are In A Relationship With A Real Man

by Sejal Parikh · June 16, 2015

I have kissed many a frog in the hopes of finding a prince! Only to realize that there isn’t really a prince, waiting for me at the end of the rainbow – but a real man, as much flesh and blood as me, perhaps, penning down these same lines of love that are my gift and curse, and fuel and fire, waiting to find me and keep me, not by a magical kiss but through a relationship built on friendship, compassion, connection, companionship, and love, grown organically from firmly planted seeds of faith – a rather pointed, jagged personality who shall take me to a land where we’d both be happy tilling, shoveling manure, sowing the seeds, and harvesting the fruits of our love’s labor together, whilst stopping at intervals to admire what we’re building together. Of course, a song at sunset and kisses aren’t ruled out! 😉

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But it has taken a lot of living to fully grow into a recognition and awareness of the flippant cliches of fairy tales, illusory romance, and everything associated therein. I know that asking one to grow into a self-awareness that allows one to embrace and love oneself first so as to be able to radiate it outward and cross paths with a real man who isn’t the ‘Prince Charming’ a girl’s heart aches for but the soul-food of a woman – fixing her a meal, whilst she is out shopping for taffeta dresses for their sixteen-year-old’s prom is quite an esoteric message to absorb. But it is the ONLY way to have a strong foundation for the fulfillment we seek in relationships. And it isn’t easy, at all!

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Surprisingly, growing a love as this comes from the fertile ground rendered fertile by the stew of failed relationships with frogs – the ones where kisses after kisses were doled out in hopes of a ‘happily ever after.’ Failed relationships are the most fertile ground that nourish our future relationships with lessons that are needed to love again, and better. It is a wrong thing to empty hearts of old love to accommodate the new. Unlike things we throw away to buy newer and advanced substitutes, love is meant to pile on, one on top of another, like a bottomless pit of fecund lessons capable of a generative capacity in love, hithertofore unexperienced. And that’s just another notch on my life’s wisdom-belt.

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Definition of a real man

I mean to tell you more. More on how life gives us a REAL possibility of love, only when we let go of the stories that have clouded the sunshine that will help grow our love-crop and train ourselves to feed the soil on which we sow our love seeds with the reality of what is happening. That is when a real man comes along, who shall be your partner in building this beautiful field brimming with love and life. This real man might not come riding a white horse and whisk you away to a magical land of heart-shaped trees but shall make love mean much more than furtive glances, moonlight kisses, dances in the rain, and butterflies in the stomach. He shall help you taste the extraordinary in the ordinary, the magical in the mundane, and you’d happily sign away a lifetime of wonky Wednesdays, forgettable Fridays, and not to forget, mundane Mondays unto him! Coz, with him you’d not just love your honeymoon in Greece but also the third day of the thirtieth vacation you take together; you’d not only remember celebrating the day you moved in to your new home but also having dinner in that house for the 5876^th time – happily! And that’s the thing about a real man – he makes love better than the ‘love’ we’d been deluding ourselves into finding all along. A real man will make it better, when we have learnt to help him by inching closer to the REAL. These are just some of the traits of a real man.

If you, too, have found the man who is going to fix you that dinner whilst you are out of home or is willing to do ‘anything and everything’ to sustain the relationship you’ve built together, chances are you might have found the real deal. And if you haven’t sealed it yet, with an ‘I do’ and a kiss, I’d say do it.

Here are all the signs that you’d need to know if you are in a relationship with a real man:

1. He accepts you for who you are

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A real man never tries to morph you into something you are not. Accepting you for who you are, he loves you for you, believes in you, and respects your individuality. He understands that you do not need any validation from him of your worth and respects your self-sufficiency. And yet, he always makes it known that he is proud of you and all that you do! His appreciation of you never wavers, ever! He also ensures that you are driven to build on yourself each day, follow your dreams, and be the best possible version of YOU you’d ever want to be. That’s what being a real man is!

2. He has his priorities straight and he lets it be known that you feature right on top

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Perspicacity is clearly one of the manly traits and this man has direction. Unlike boys, he is driven and has a clear, lucid understanding of what he is doing and where he is headed. And when you are dating a man who is in charge of all the realms of his life and gives them their due attention, you have got yourself a keeper. He prioritizes you high up on the list and ensures that it is evinced in his actions! Just one of the qualities of a real man!

3. He loves your intelligence more than your looks

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A real man understands that beauty is transient and as such, does not dive headlong into a relationship based on appearance. He fishes for something deeper – something more consequential – he falls in love with you because of your personality, your intelligence, your humor, and the way you make him feel. His feelings for you do not fade away once you slip out of your black corset into your pajamas or remove your makeup. His love isn’t superficial and he is going to let it be known that he loves you as much in your pajamas and messy hair as maybe without! 😉 Coz we already said, he loves you for YOU, all of you!

4. He gives more than he expects

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A real man does not resort to a give-and-take or cost-benefit analysis dynamic in his relationships. He understands that selfless and unconditional loving yield an unparalleled measure of happiness and he is happy to be giving you just that. He accepts that he is human and might tend to get the ratio a tad bit imbalanced, but he shall still strive to do as much as he can for you and shall go out of his way to invest and deliver 200% in the relationship.

5. He never gives up on you

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One of the main traits of a real man is that he understands that a relationship isn’t all rose-strewn paths and merry sunshine. He understands that a relationship requires two partners to commit to investing effort and time in the relationship so it can be sustained. He also understands that a relationship is bound to experience uneven numbers of crests and troughs, and the challenge is to CHOOSE one’s commitment to love, over all odds. It is in his CHOICE of being with you and the unwavering faith that has in the love you share that he braves the storms and stands a winner!

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6. He will make mistakes, but will always make up for them

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He is not perfect and is bound to make mistakes. But he is accepting of his faults, makes an apology, and means it. Always accountable, he takes responsibility for his mistakes and is willing to make amends.

7. He detests lies and lives by the truth

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A real man understands the vicious cycle of lies and is unwilling to get embroiled in the deadly clutch of never-ending train of lies. He values truth and lives by it. He will always choose to be honest with you, no matter the situation, and as such, shall forge an invaluable trust that you know will be hard to break!

8. He amazes you with his grip on life and love

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Without a trace of pretense about being a leading man in a fairy tale, a savior or a sophisticated suitor, he looks for a woman who wants him but does not need him. He appreciates care and concern but shall not indulge in dating squabbles and games to get it. In no need of an ego stroke, he doesn’t want to be chased nor wants to goof around. Direct and straightforward, he will let his intentions be known as well as project the transparency he thinks is imperative in a personal equation. He is in charge of his life and exudes the confident reserve that does not come from those pseudo-celebrations of masculinity (chest-pounding et al) but is a genuine mark of a true gentleman. After all, he still helps you with your coat and opens doors for you, not because you are weak but because he cares about your comfort!

9. His past is an open book

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A real man does not believe in the maxim ‘what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.’ He is willing to lay bare all the skeletons in his closet and disclose exactly how much of the baggage weighs him down. He also ensures that his past isn’t going to trickle into the present and upset his current relationship.

10. He is exactly who he is, for real

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A real man shall never wear any masks or try to be somebody he is not, in order to impress. Unafraid to show himself for who he is, he will be his real self in front of you – quirks and warts and all. He shall have no qualms crying, exposing his vulnerabilities or baring his heart to you, for he understands that wholesome bliss is only possible when you are completely vulnerable and loved for yourself.

11. He has realistic expectations from you

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A real man knows that bridging the gap between reality and expectation is a toughie. Expecting too much out of someone who isn’t capable of giving it can cause unnecessary strain on both partners and the relationship. Therefore, he enters the relationship with realistic expectations and strives hard to extend a fulfillment of yours before expecting the same.

12. He has no qualms falling wildly in love and showing it

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Most women complain about their men not being able to express their emotions well. A real man shall never shy away from falling crazily in love, asserting as much, and following it up in action. He is so secure in his masculinity that he overturns the stereotypes about men and their ways of emoting on their head and show his love, like there’s little else in love! And that real man is a man to die for!

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A real man shares in all his solid qualities and does not shy away from learning something from you along the way! And for that, it is imperative that you bring to the table a realistic set of relationship coordinates too, on which he’d be willing to wait, with which he’d work around, and even fight for them, as and when they shift so he can hold out for you – coz he’s smart enough to know he’s gotten darned lucky to find a woman who knows to differentiate between girlish fancy and a woman’s wish – a real woman! And when she finds this man, she should be smart enough to know the same and be thankful for a REAL MAN!