“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” ~ Guy Finley
The wounds inflicted by the end of a long-term serious relationship can only be healed by TIME. Getting over a breakup is like allowing yourself to feel the excruciating pain of a burn, living out the long-drawn process of healing – all the while resisting the temptation to itch and scrape off the drying skin – so as to not expose the wound that we aim to close with new skin and new life! And those ever burnt by a breakup know just how HARD that can be!
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To get over a breakup and to be ready to move on are two separate things. The former involves letting go of the past while the latter involves a conscious embracing of self and the present! There is no definite time span on getting over a breakup – and yet, the intensity of all emotions you must confront, defeat, and kiss goodbye to might have a hold on you (howsoever fragile or strong) to pull you back unless you really learn to break free. So how do you know that you are ‘beyond’ the end and ready to forge ahead? How to get over a breakup?
This is how you can be sure:
1. When you are able to look back on the last relationship honestly
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When you can look back at the previous relationship without a sense of attachment or belonging, but with an objective understanding of why things went South – feel no angst, remorse, regret, pain, anger or hurt – but only a lucid clarity about why the ‘end’ happened, you are ready to move on and gift yourself the present of the present, with the sweet promise of future!
2. When you can reconcile yourself with the past
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After you have thought about every emotion that kept surfacing whilst your burn healed, ‘felt’ the surge of pain swirling about your insides like blood loaded with tar, and walked the wearisome path until the load eased – you have truly let go! When you have no gaping wounds that need to be tended, no voids that need to be filled, you shall forge your new path as a ‘complete’ being in yourself – ready to let the past be a thing of the past.
Suggested read: Learning to fall in love with breakups
3. When you can see your part in the ‘end’ and own it
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A transparent outlook on the past shall allow you to grow into a state of impartial awareness of self, your ex, and the relationship you built together. This in turn, shall enable you to forgive yourself for the half you messed up, forgive your ex for his half of the fallout, and bless him, thank the Almighty and move on!
4. When you can forgive yourself for your half and look ahead
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Only after truly forgiving yourself for your part in the ‘end’ can you be ready to carve a new beginning. Unless you have completely let go of the past by owning your mistakes and forgiving yourself, you shall forever be tied to the ‘past’ with some loose strand (howsoever fragile) and feel its tug pulling you back from fully giving back to life and love! After you have let go of the past completely, you are free to move on.
5. When you are comfortable as a single
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There is no greater truth than knowing that we cannot truly accept love if we don’t love ourselves first. If we learn to nurture and cherish ourselves it will transcend to all other parts of our lives and allow us to open up to receive love from others. Do the soul searching you need to grow into self-love- forgive yourself, forgive him, love yourself, love the world and thank the Almighty for everything you’ve had and have. Rethink plans, goals, choices, projects- even risks. Understand that single≠lonely. Be thankful for your ‘present’ and give it the present of choice- the choice to love and live it fully.
6. When you know what you want and what you don’t
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Growing into an awareness of self and the past shall help you avoid a relationship with just anyone. You shall be able to assess what you want and deserve from a relationship. As such, you shall be able to say ‘NO’ to a relationship that falls short of the standards that you have set for yourself. Like I always say, only when you know your own worth shall you stop handing out discounts to people. And honestly, I believe that we are all worthy of the love that we are capable of giving! Hold yourself to that!
7. When you can see the ex for who they are, in an uninvolved, objective way
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Heading down the rage road is so easy – one can always choose to play the victim in a ‘hit-and-run’ case where the partner was behind the wheel. The problem, however, is this should not stretch too long. You can allow yourself to feel the rage for a while but you have to learn to eventually let it go. When you realize that you weren’t ideal for each other, but that does not make either of you bad people and can bless him, wish him all the luck and happiness – you are ready to move on!
8. When ‘closure’ is the wound you have allowed to bleed
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They say you can’t let a wound heal unless you allow it to bleed. When you have drained the wound and let go of all the sore pain, you may feel relieved that a thing that was once close to you now doesn’t even exist as a rankling injury! It has healed and you cannot feel its place anymore! This is a true sign for you to move on!
9. When a grounded gratitude replaces your negativity
When you have purged yourself of the pain and processed through the pain to tuck away the lessons from the fallout into a safe place whilst letting every other bit go, you are all set to forge ahead!
Suggested read: Why letting go isn’t as simple as it seems
10. When you finally feel lightness of being that comes with ‘letting go’
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I let you know in one of my previous pieces why letting go isn’t as simple as it seems. If you have let go (the way I showed you to) and feel this ‘lightness,’ you my friend are over the ‘end’ that hurt you so bad!
11. When you start to love yourself
Coz all true loving begins with loving oneself!
12. When you do not feel the need to ‘find’ someone but open yourself to a REAL possibility of love
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When you do not feel the need to consciously push yourself into dating or a relationship but are open to a REAL possibility of love founded on the tenets of friendship, connection, confession, compassion, and communication, you, my friend, are on the right path!
And those are all the signs you need for getting over a breakup and move on! Ticked them all? Live, laugh, and love, my friend! Live to love and love to live! 
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