Should I take him back? Isn’t this always the most baffling question of ’em all? Clearly, the decision isn’t as clear lest the murky waters of ‘second chances’ wouldn’t be exhorting us to pen down this!
The honest confession – we’ve all been there!
The honest answer – It isn’t as simple as a yes or a no!
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So, if you are the lonely girl sitting on the park bench, plucking off flower petals vacillating between answers to should I take him back or should I not take him back, I have news for you – both the good and bad kind.
Suggested read: Signs that tell you it is time you got over your breakup
First, the bad news – feelings aren’t fixed, ever! What you felt when you ended things with him shall always remain the same – the overwhelming gush of being everything one moment to just enough to hold on and then, become nothing and let go – will always be as painful! You may only think less of it with time or better, erase it over time! So, if you are grappling with the question should I take him back after he cheated or isn’t a second chance worthwhile for the seven years of togetherness we lived, braving the lows whilst riding high on the ups – you need to know that getting back together isn’t going to heal any wounds. And expecting the same is foolishness.
Now for the welcome news – while it is true that it is only YOU who is responsible for making your broken parts whole while embracing all the multitudes that make you so, forgetting and forgiving the past to start over isn’t really a weakness! You can take him back for all is not lost, not just yet …
Here are all the times when the answer to the incessantly haunting question should I take him back can be a resounding YES. Yes, you can take him back … only if …
1. He has gone about asking for his chance in a legit way
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The 3 AM drunk text doesn’t cut it. He’s just gotten brave after his attempt to pick up a chick for a one-night stand bombed! He felt sh**ty and miserable, and the alcohol egged him on to find your number still on his contact list. Couldn’t hurt to try, eh? He might even text everything you’d ever wanted to hear! But believe you me, girl, ignore this drunk text booty call and better, block his number! If he has actually realized that he wants you back, he will ensure that he pulls out his A-game and makes consistent efforts to catch your attention! A friendly text, a polite conversation or even, a long-drawn chat at a mutual friend’s birthday bash, with their follow-up sounds like good places to start! A brazen means to get together or unabashed begging aren’t welcome. He has made it clear that he wants you, but is going about it with baby steps! And that’s about right!
2. He has built the trust back
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If your trust was broken in the first place and he has worked really hard to gain it back, it seems like he has already put himself through one of the toughest ordeals out there. It is a hard thing to do and the fact that he’s taken the time and effort to do it speaks a lot about how he feels for you! Wouldn’t hurt to see if he’s taken the time to learn the lesson too, right?
3. You love him
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This might seem like the emotional fool’s reason to get back together. Only it isn’t. You love him and that could be half the answer. But be careful here, for the other half too, has a lot of power! If you take him back almost immediately after the breakup, coz you haven’t given yourself time to process the reasons, grieve for the breakup and even, time to look beyond, you might be re-entering into a relationship that is headed back to this junction in some time!
4. His reason to want you back is LOVE
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If he has been rejected by the 20-something babe he gave you up for or is having a hard time with his startup, you might do well to have an ‘it’s over’ line beginning to take shape within your mouth even before he has half of his words out. He cannot choose to walk in and out of your life as he pleases. But if he genuinely wants you back, because he regrets whatever happened and is still in love with you, you might want to hear out his reason. Look for a lucid articulation on why he wants you now. Trust me, if he wants you, he should be able to say so and why!
Suggested read: Learning to fall in love with breakups
5. Revisiting the reason for the breakup doesn’t outweigh your love
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If you broke up because of a nasty fight wherein both parties said some things they didn’t really mean, but because they were caught up in the heat of the moment, it’d serve you well to get back together. But if you broke up because you always fought dirty or he was cheating or owing to an inherent incompatibility or other irreconcilable differences, you might want to pause and consider getting back together a second time, before revving up on the accelerator!
6. You were happy in the relationship, for most of the time
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If looking back on your time together makes you smile for all the good times you have shared and cry, for they no longer exist – it might be a good idea to bring back the exquisite smiling tears in your life again!
7. He is consistent with his efforts
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Some guys are plain flaky and would repeat the on again-off again cycle a million times over. However, if your guy is consistent with his investment into the relationship, has proved that he shall never lapse on building on and sustaining the bond, has shown that he shall never get passive and avoidant in the relationship, and loves you for you, you might want to give the relationship a second chance.
8. He is still waiting for you
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Now this couldn’t be because he has no options, right? It can only be coz he hopes that you’d see that you guys were good together and can make it even better. TRY!
9. You see a good re-fit
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A breakup almost inevitably changes the dynamic between you, your ex, and the friends and families on both sides! If he has been venting to his friends about things that were headed South all the while, his friends might take the decision to get back together as downright crazy! But if you had had a graceful exit from each other’s lives and the friends and family are trusting of your judgment, it might not be a bad idea to sync it all again!
Suggested read: Makeup or breakup: When to let go
Ultimately, the decision to take him back is an individual decision. No judgment for forgiving a cheating ex nor any for taking back a dolt who has had a penchant for the on again-off again thingy! Feelings aren’t black or white and as such, giving them the due you think they deserve isn’t a sign of weakness, but one of extreme strength. Just do it for the RIGHT reasons (we helped).
Although don’t take that stoner guy who used your emptied beer bottles as a bong! NOPE, coz then I’d be judging you- for you’d be meting out a heavy discount on what your feelings are really worthy of! C’mon girl – THAT guy – you might as well have given it as a freebie on a backyard sale!!! :/
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