There could be many reasons why a marriage didn’t work out. You might not have been emotionally compatible, your expectations didn’t really complement what the other had to offer, or it could simply be that the two of you were better off as friends than husband and wife. There could be lack of physical and emotional intimacy, wherein you do not enjoy sharing your physical and mental space with the other. Some marriages fail simply because the courtship beforehand was so enjoyable that the expectations from the marriage were simply unrealistic. There could also be many comprehension problems like not understanding each other’s priorities and capabilities when it comes to making a marriage work.
But no matter why it broke down, the aftermath is not cheery – there is bound to be hopelessness, sorrow, and grief. You might feel that you are never going to find love, and will never be able to be happy again. You might consider staying away from the entire hassle of relationships, love, and marriage because it failed so miserably that one time. This can get worse for people who indulge in habits like smoking, drinking, and drugs rather than taking a second chance at love. But in the middle of all this, you need to understand that there is always hope and the show must go on. You will have to move on with your life and get ahead of the past.
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And there is a better chance of your relationship succeeding when it is after a failed marriage. Here is why:
1. You are stronger
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You have been through heartbreak and you know it hurts to have it broken another time. If you open yourself up to another relationship, you will have all the strength to accept that they are not the right one for you if it doesn’t work out.
Even if things don’t quite work out how you’d thought, it’s not a big deal for you. Sure, you’ll feel sad about things not working out. But you look on the bright side of things rather than brood and dwell on what wasn’t meant to be. This means that you will have a lot more sanity at the end of the association.
2. You are more picky and careful
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Experiences make you wise and cautious – and rightly so. Being out of a failed marriage doesn’t only mean starting over, it also means you’ve gained valuable experience. You know what kind of partner you want and you do not try looking for that partner in everyone you find on the streets or at the bar.
You might want a one-night stand, or a full-blown relationship; you know and are certain of yourself. There is no scope of doubt in your mind regarding the relationship.
3. Your expectations are realistic
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You now understand that no boyfriend is Superman and no girlfriend is Wonder Woman. Everyone has their own shortcomings and they are only humanly capable inside and outside of a relationship. While one can expect a supportive partner, they cannot expect one who is going to solve every physical, mental, emotional, and financial problem that the other has. They are bound to have their own insecurities and shortcomings in certain situations.
4. Fights are bound to happen, and you know how to deal with them
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You have, by now, understood that you are definitely going to be fighting with the person you are in love with. But that doesn’t mean that each of those fights is going to end up in a breakup or a divorce. You learn to ensure that you deal with the fights gracefully and talk it out, rather than making it ugly for the both of you.
If you do not have big fights, then is there going to be a problem at all? We don’t think so. Looks like you have mastered the art of relationships then.
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5. You are not insecure about your new partner
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After a failed relationship, you tend to put your cards out in the open. You let the other person know every detail that your ex-partner had a problem with and will ensure that this new person revels in every bit of it. This is going to make you the least bit insecure about the person.
The new person knows that what makes you who you are includes the flaws, little vulnerabilities, and other personality traits, which they are willing to not only accept, but also embrace wholeheartedly.
6. You are free from societal expectations
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This is the best part about having a relationship after a failed marriage. If you hail from a rather conservative society, your reputation is tarnished and people think that you are not capable of love. Even otherwise, you most certainly will be the main fodder for gossip.
But, in your second chance at love, you do not have to cater to the expectations of society. You can fall for whoever you like, conduct the relationship just the way you like it, and also end it however and whenever you want. This takes away a lot of burden for both you and your new partner.
7. You are confident and complete within yourself
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You will not be the nagging girlfriend who will make a fuss over a messy room or the crazy boyfriend who needs to know what his lady is doing at all times of the day. You are confident about the choice you have made and have better judgment of what to do and what to expect from the relationship.
You are also not going to need your partner to complete you. You are fully equipped to stay alone if it calls for it: this makes the relationship more of a want than a need, and ergo, much more pleasurable and treasured.
8. You know love can be painful
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You have had a failed marriage; you know how painful it can be to love someone with all your life and to hold onto them when the odds are screaming otherwise. You use this little, but very vital piece of knowledge to your best advantage. You are prepared for the pain (if it ever comes) but are also living in the moment, which is sure to be nothing short of pleasurable.
Knowing that there is a possibility of pain also makes you a little cautious and wary, compelling you to take small measures to avoid the pain. This takes it all a long way.
9. You know that relationships are not what they look like in movies
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In your first relationship, you might have expected a movie-like situation where everything is beautiful in your supposed happily ever after. That fights and differences of opinion don’t happen, and even if they do, one of them has a change of heart and apologizes. Although the former can happen quite a lot of times, seldom does the latter happen in real life. Since the failed marriage has burst that bubble for you, and for good, you are better for it.
You have understood that all relationships are different from what they look like on the outside, and you will have to make compromises in order to enjoy one successfully. Making peace with this fact is only going to make you a better person and also better equipped to handle a new relationship, your second chance love.
10. Things change for the better
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You have been miserable, lonely, and grieving for the past few months because of the divorce. When you fall in love again, that begins to change. You stop thinking about your ex-partner and there is a happy beat to your life.
Everything starts going right and stable again after a lot of upheaval, and you are going to love it. Therefore, you are going to make it work for yourself.
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It doesn’t matter if you got married to your college sweetheart, or if it was an impulsive decision after two weeks of dating. Your divorce could have been after over a decade of getting married or just a couple of years later. And the reasons are numerous. But no matter what, you will have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and give yourself the second chance that you deserve with love and life.
The risk is great, but not as big as it seems. It is best to take that leap of faith in yourself to trust another person with sharing your life. You can make the right choice this time and can definitely eliminate the mistakes that you made in your past marriage. This is going to keep you happy and fulfilled through the rest of your life.
Good luck!
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