Breaking up with someone because they cheated on you is the worst kind of breakup ever. It causes a lot of trauma to the person who has been cheated on. If you are the person who has been cheated on, then it makes you feel defeated and used. You’d end up feeling violated and thinking that the person never cared enough about you and went ahead and cheated on you. It’s a downer in all senses.
After you’ve been cheated on, it’s really hard for you to start trusting again. I mean, naturally. How are you going to trust the next person that comes into your life? Will it be worth it? And you’ll always have a little sneaky feeling of mistrust in you. More often than not, you’ll go down the rabbit hole of ‘what ifs.’
We don’t blame you. Really, we don’t. It happens.
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When my boyfriend cheated on me, I was devastated. My immediate reaction was that of anger, hate, and disgust. I couldn’t come to terms with it; I couldn’t fathom how he could do something like that to me. The whole episode left a bad taste in my mouth. It took me a really long time to get over it, to heal from within, to forgive, and lastly to forget it and move on to another relationship.
Suggested read: 10 crucial questions to ask before breaking up with your cheating partner
So, while you know that you are breaking up, it will hurt some more to know that your boyfriend cheated on you, and that’s why you are breaking up with him. That’s just gross; it’ll make you sick to your stomach.
But here are a few ways to deal with the grotesque incident. These may not be long-term solutions, but they surely are things you need to do immediately after being cheated on.
1. Let your emotions out
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Go with your first instinct to display that emotion; you may want to kill the jerk that hurt you. Well, don’t kill. There are other ways to hurt him now that he cheated on you. So, let the emotions flow out. You may want to cry, scream your lungs out, send him hateful text messages, throw a vase (or two) at him. Do it all, we say. Don’t hold back these emotions; they will only fester and make you sick. Let it all come out, until you feel satisfied and feel like you’ve unloaded a huge load off your chest. So, bring it on. Say those things, tear some things, throw some others, cry it out until you fall asleep, and delete his number from your phone – after sending those hate-filled messages, of course! 😉
2. Take some time to digest it
After your initial showdown, it’s time for you to sit down and contemplate what happened. It will take a while for the incident to sink in, but it gradually will. So, take it all in and understand what happened. Try to think clearly; your initial reaction may have been extreme but now it’s time for you to evaluate all other actions that are yet to come from you. So, try to understand what’s happening. Usually you’d be in denial for a bit, which is alright, but once you get past that phase of Oh my God! My boyfriend cheated on me!’ you’ll be fine.
3. Get closure
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When we say get closure, we mean end it well. Don’t let it hang loose or abruptly. Do it ceremoniously. Also, you need to ask your boyfriend why he did what he did. The answer to this question will play a very important role in your life. Although there is no tolerance for cheating, you may want to hear from him what led him to do something like this to you in the first place. What caused him to throw away everything you both once shared, and does he feel remorse of any kind. Did he beg for forgiveness? Or has he made up his mind to break it off with you? Answers to these questions will give you full closure and will help you move on.
4. Don’t blame yourself for it
Whatever he says, don’t take it on yourself and blame yourself. There is no excuse for cheating. It couldn’t have been because of you. Think of it this way – you didn’t push him onto another woman’s lady parts, did you? So technically, you aren’t the cause for his breach of your trust. Maybe, you guys had drifted apart a little, maybe the relationship suffered a little due to various reasons. But no reason is good enough for a partner to go ahead and cheat on the other person. There are better ways to work it out. And mind you, he chose to cheat on you, which makes it his fault. So, stop kicking yourself. It’s not you, it’s most definitely him. He must feel sorry, he needs to apologize because he is at fault.
5. Come to a decision
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Whether it’s to forgive him and give him another chance or to simply break it off with him, come to a final decision. This may be the hardest part but you got to do it. Don’t simply sit on it; the longer you take to arrive at this conclusion, the harder it will get. So, do this quickly.
Suggested read: 15 sad signs your man is cheating on you
6. Move on
After making your decision, learn to move on. It may not be easy to forget things easily. But time is a great healer. With time, you will be able to heal those wounds and come out of that horrible phase of your life. You can’t sit in a corner all day and weep about thinking how my boyfriend cheated on me. You need to move on from there. What happened was not in your hands but what can happen in the future is solely dependent on how you take it from here.
7. Find a distraction
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Maybe indulging in an old hobby, or spending time with friends, or even a pet. Find something to get your mind away from your sob story. Meet new people, socialize a little more, spend time with your family. Do something that won’t remind you of that incident! A little distraction will get your mind off it, and will make you feel better. There are a lot of things to look forward to in life, and you will learn that with this distraction.
8. Don’t hold a grudge
Life’s too short to spend all your time holding grudges or plotting revenge. So, let it go. Don’t hold a grudge; it’s pointless. Learn to forgive – that’s the first step to healing. If you want to get out of this mess soon, you need to be able to forgive the person who hurt you. It sure is difficult, but it’s not impossible.
9. Rebounds are unhealthy too
You are at a stage where you are extremely vulnerable at the moment. Don’t let anyone exploit you even more. Rebounds are bad, especially at this time. Though you may think that it’s a great way to get back at your boyfriend, you’ll only be making yourself miserable after that. Rebounds may feel like the best thing to do, but they’ll only play with your fragile psyche and you’ll feel more damaged than the time your boyfriend cheated on you. So, it’s best to stay away from any such unhealthy flings right after.
10. Learn to trust again
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Probably the toughest to do after everything that you’ve been through. But we bet that with time, you’ll be able to do this as well. Not all people are the same after all. Yes, it was unfortunate that your boyfriend cheated on you. But that does not guarantee that the next guy will also do the same. It’s hard to trust humanity after the whole episode, but you can’t always live with a feeling that the world is out there to get you. Learn to trust again. Because you’ve seen the worse, nothing bad can happen after this. So, with that logic you can start trusting again.
11. Give yourself more time
You don’t have to jump right into the next thing that comes your way. Being single again may make you attractive to a bunch of guys who were always eyeing you. But, you must give yourself more time before you get into anything else. Let there be some time that you spend being single again. It’s a phase and will pass by soon but it’s important to give yourself that break.
Suggested read: I was turned into a cheater without my consent
12. Live for yourself
You may have lost trust in mankind altogether and could succumb to the pressures of the society. But sometimes, you have to live for yourself. Don’t do anything in haste, or on an impulse. You can stay single if you wish to, or you can jump at the slightest opportunity to date someone new. But do it for yourself and your satisfaction. Don’t do it because the pressure is mounting on you and that you have to always be in a relationship because you are at a certain age. Live for yourself and do what you think is right.
So, don’t sulk in a corner and cry out loud – my boyfriend cheated on me. Get up, move on, and do these things. Your life isn’t over, there’s more to look forward to. There are ways to deal with every situation.
Hope these tips help you recover. Tell us what you did when your boyfriend cheated on you.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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