Every relationship is unique and beautiful in its own way. Some relationships make it to the finish line and end happily; some don’t even find the starting line; and even some veer off their course so far, that they have to end – albeit sadly. The ones that have run their course had their own good and bad elements to them. It’s okay to grieve the loss of a relationship.
Dealing with different feelings
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Having different and intense feelings of sadness – over the loss of companionship, confusion – ‘what did I do wrong?’ questions, anger, hurt – that the relationship came to an end, and anxiety – over the future, in the aftermath of a breakup are normal. You’re only human. The future may look bleak right now, but it holds many more surprises that you know nothing about. Don’t feel shattered.
Suggested read: 10 sure signs you’re ready to date after a breakup
Think of it as happening for a reason, even though that reason isn’t apparent enough – now. Maybe at a later date it may become clearer to you. Not everyone adheres to this line of thinking, but it helps you break away from the past and grounds you in the present.
What you’ve learnt
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Focus on all the new things that you learnt about yourself while you were in the relationship. Think of it as a life lesson and move on. Don’t think of it as a waste of your precious time and loss of your emotional investment. It certainly is an inseparable part of you now. Think about what made your relationship great and what made it worse and what eventually led to its inevitable end.
Let go of all the negative feelings of regret and anger and hurt. See this as a new opportunity to go about your life, becoming a little more wiser and a bit more grown up than you were at the beginning of the relationship.
Grieving
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You’re entitled to mourn the demise of the relationship. After all, it was a significant part of your life and you’d invested considerable amounts of your time and energy and emotions into the working of the relationship.
The end of a relationship – any relationship for that matter – involves losses: loss of companionship and loss of support and love – emotional, physical, social and/or intellectual. Allow yourself to feel the pain; it isn’t forever. No matter how strongly you feel the pain, it will end some day.
Moving on
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The key to moving on after a breakup is your acceptance of the termination of the relationship. It may take you a while for it to sink in; but eventually it has to and it will. You’ll eventually get over it and move on.
It doesn’t do you any good if you bottle up all your hurt and keep on hurting. Spill your guts to a close friend or a close family member. Once you’ve let it all out of your system, stop talking about your ex. Your ex is in your past; be grounded in the here and now. Try to talk about anything else – movies, books, other guys, work – anything except your ex.
It’s very tempting to crawl into your safety cocoon and forget to have a life. Try to distract yourself from thinking about your failed relationship by engaging yourself in activities that you enjoy. Join a hobby class, join the gym, or go out with your friends and have a night out. Take a vacation for a weekend with your buddies. It’ll refresh and reenergize you. Go some place you’ve never been before; do something you’ve never done before and try to enjoy yourself. Meet new people; it’s one of the surefire ways of forgetting old acquaintances and ex-flames.
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Put yourself out there. But beware of getting into rebound relationships. When you do want to start a new relationship, be sure that you’re ready for it and not just acting impulsively.
Every person is unique and different. So, a new relationship will be nothing like your old one and don’t try to make it either. Have an open mind when you do enter a new relationship.
Good luck!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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