Are you planning to move in with your boyfriend? That’s effing awesome! I moved in with my man last year, and so far it has been great. Yes, we fight more than we used to, but that has only contributed to bring the two of us closer. If you think this relationship of yours might go somewhere, then I think you should give moving in together a shot. And to help you, let me tell what to expect, and the things to keep in mind so that you don’t regret the decision of moving in with your boyfriend.
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Though most people only look at the fun part, moving in with someone you love, is a major life decision. Staying with someone can change the way you feel about them, trust me. And if you think your relationship is still fragile, and you are still not ready to accept your boyfriend the way he is, then don’t move in right now. You need some more time.
Also, moving in together means that you will be revealing a lot about yourself to your partner. If that scares you, then moving in right now may not be such a great idea.
Though you cannot exactly predict the direction that your relationship will take after you move in together, yet you surely have some idea about how this move will alter your relationship. If you think moving in will quickly change into a proposal and a baby, and if you are not ready to make such a commitment yet, then you might be jeopardizing something that could be great if given time and distance.
I am sharing whatever I learnt through my experience, but that does not mean the same will be true for you, since not all relationships are the same. However, there will always be some common factors that you can apply to your case.
Suggested read: 12 Practical Things A Couple Needs To Do Before Moving In Together
Before moving in with your boyfriend, it is essential that you talk to him about your expectations and your insecurities. Also, ask him about how he hopes this move will improve the relationship. It is important that the two of you are on the same page before you shift into his apartment or he arrives outside your door with his bags.
Here are a few things you and your partner need to talk about before moving in together. Remember, sometimes, the small things make a give difference, and when it comes to a relationship, it is the little details which can make or break the bond.
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1. Begin by setting ground rules.
Though many people know this, very few follow it, and that makes all the difference. To save yourselves from the confusions and frustrations that are bound to show up later, set clear a bunch of ground rules. What I and my man did was turn this into a game. We both prepared our lists, and read it out to each other. While some rules where common to both us, some came as a bug surprise. These would have been a shock if we hadn’t discussed them before moving in.
2. Are you sure of what you guys are doing?
I know your parents must have already asked you this question like a million times, but you know what, like always, they are right. You need to give this ample amount of thought and time. Are you sure you want to do this? Is he sure he wants to do this, or does he think this means a lot to you and so is scared that he’ll break your heart or put the relationship at risk if he says no to the idea?
Though you will never be completely ready to allow someone into your 24X7, you need to be clear that this isn’t infatuation or some misunderstanding, before moving in.
3. Have you considered the fact that your independence might be under threat?
When you move in with someone, you are so excited about the whole thing, and you are so madly in love, that questions like this one seem lame. However, these very questions might become the deciding factor of your relationship’s survival in the future.
Being in love, and being in love as a matured person who knows what he or she is giving up on and is okay with it, are two different things. Make sure you are the latter.
4. What kind of a guy is your boyfriend?
Are you sure this is going somewhere? Are you sure he is not a lunatic? Or someone who is abusive? You can never know someone completely, even if you spend your entire life with that person. However, more than often there are many tell-tale signs which people refuse to notice because they are in love. Don’t be that kind of a dumb person.
5. Do you work as a team?
Working as a team is very important when you are moving in with someone. You need to be able to take joint decisions, because that’s the way it is in a mature relationship. You both need to collectively decide on a number of things once you start living together. From how to divide the monthly expenses to who to hang out with and whether or not you should keep a pet.
Suggested read: 9 Powerful Reasons Why Moving On Does NOT Require Forgiveness
Before you move in with your boyfriend, think about the following 8 things. This will save you months/years of misery.
1. You are about to see the not-so-great side of your baby
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When we are dating, we tend to show only our best parts to our lovers. The ugly part, the anger, the anxiety, the self-loathing, the laziness, is all hidden. Now when you start living with your boyfriend, you have to be prepared to see his real side, and the vice-versa.
2. The household chores should be split
Don’t decide to be an overly generous person and offer to do all the household chores yourself. If you do make this blunder, do not expect to make amends later on. It won’t work out. So before you move in with him, divide the chores and let him know about his duties. This should be followed from day one.
3. Don’t rush things
Dating and moving in together are very different experiences. When you move in together, don’t expect that everything will fall into place at once. You will need time and effort to settle it. Also, don’t stress if things don’t work out the way you thought they would. You need to talk it out and put some more effort.
4. Talk about the differences
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Though popular media wants us to believe that a couple should be like two peas in a pod, it does not work like that in real life. You are two different individuals, and therefore it is normal for you guys to not be like twins! So before you move in together, talk to each other about the differences, and how you think you both can work around those.
5. You need to learn how to forgive
Learning how to forgive is essential, in almost all aspects of life, but most importantly when you are moving in with someone. You are bound to have fights and misunderstandings. These are only roadblocks to your excellent journey together. If there is something about your boyfriend that bothers you, then you will have to talk to him about it. But don’t hold a grudge. Similarly, he should feel comfortable enough to talk to you about things that he doesn’t like in you, and you need to give him a patient hear instead of defending yourself just for the sake of defending.
6. Talk to each other
I cannot not emphasize this point. Talking about how you feel about each other, or about moving in is important. You both are a part of Team Love, and so, it is essential you guys are on the same page. Let your boyfriend know what’s on your mind. Don’t expect him to understand or read your mind. Also understand this that conflicts aren’t a bad thing. On the contrary, in most cases, they help strengthen the bond between two people.
7. Friends
Yes, this one’s important. Once you move in, don’t invite your friends immediately. You need to learn to work as a team, and then give that a few months first, before you start inviting other people into your safe haven, which now the two of you share.
8. There is no place for insecurities
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Like I said before, if you have been dating fairly recently, and your relationship is still fragile, then moving in together may not be such a great option. If you both feel the need to call or text each other every 30 minutes or less, then you may not be doing a great service to your relationship by moving in.
Suggested read: 10 Clear Signs Your Past Relationship Is Holding You Back From Moving On
If you both have talked about these things, and are still serious about this decision, then please go ahead with your plan of moving in with your boyfriend.
Do let us know if this post was helpful, and if you need relationship advice about anything. Our comment section awaits you.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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