You are buddies- the best there can be. But have you recently been wondering about a status upgrade? I mean, a relationship upgrade? Duh uh- you don’t have to act all cool like that thought never crossed your mind. You are on the phone with each other all the f*cking time, cannot bear to see your bum-chum inch closer to another, share every detail of your lives with each other, have pink sworn to be each other’s backup post-30 and then, sketched out the details of that ‘blissful’ picture together! Maybe it’s time you came out and admitted that your garden variety friendship has already entered the more than friends territory- one minute you are stretching across her to reach out for the last slice of pizza and the next wondering what it’d be like to lean in and kiss her…
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You know you’re guilty…
Now, now- friends are all chummy and cool and super touchy-feely and supportive as f*ck and so loving and caring, you often wonder if you need anybody else at all- so, very often you plan to turn the friendship into something more. You know you’ve got the *feels* because you’ve thought about them that way. You have also caught them sending those signals your way but you need to double check. After all, you need to know if you can risk everything you’ve got for something that could be better…
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And it can get confusing. To be or not to be more than friends is THE question…
And guess what- there is an answer. You see- often, we mistake effortless connection in friendship for chemistry. But being best buds doesn’t guarantee a magical transformation into romantic partners, especially those that shall remain together happily ever after. Many people feel that trying to be more than friends with a great chum bud is like pooping where you eat- no matter what happens, you’ll create a stinky mess. Others, however, rule out the notion of romantic love without a solid foundation of friendship. So, how do you know which one applies to you? How do you decide if you are ready for the relationship upgrade your software’s popping reminders for in your head? How do you decide if you can be more than friends?
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Here’s how:
- If you are catch yourself thinking about them when you are apart, more than is necessary, you may be in trouble. Fantasizing about them can be a giveaway especially when the fantasies are of a romantic nature
- If you find yourself vacillating between mad crazed-jealous and you-are-only-mine jealous levels when you find your friend dating somebody else or inching close to another, you can be sure you’ve got it bad for them. Of course, we’d advise that you do nothing to sabotage his/her life but we know you are secretly Googling ‘ways to murder someone and get away with it’
- The most obvious giveaway is an undeniable urge to be with them all the time. If you cannot wait to see them, even if you are constantly in touch, you are definitely wishing yourselves to be more than friends
- Sometimes, the very thought of wanting to get down and dirty is a surefire sign. The reality doesn’t hit when you act on your impulse, it is real the moment you think it. If you wish to make out or sleep with your friend, you’ve already crossed the platonic boundary and moved over into a sexual/romantic one
- If your physical interactions are moving from friendly hugs and pecks to lingering gazes, longer hugs and flirtatious kissing- you may be in for a mutual thing. If your intimacy is sending tingly sparks up and down your spine, something is afoot. This one’s a dead giveaway
- You may start to think about them differently. You don’t just think about catching them on their couch for Netflix marathons but wonder what it’d be like to break free of that routine and maybe, hold their hands while taking a moonlit walk. If you find a storm of such romantic feelings rage inside of you, you have already crossed over into the more than friends territory
- You are talking up a storm or not at all. You are either talking more than what you used to or simply, looking at them all funny hoping they’d read the message in your eyes. If you’ve seen the subtle signs pop up from the other end too, fess it up. Fess up before you have your heart ripped out when you are asked to be witness to their new love interest
If the answers to all the above are in the affirmative, NO…WAIT…
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It still isn’t time. Feelings alone aren’t enough to take you through, so you need to consider a few more crucial questions before deciding to jump ship.
1. Do you want the same things from love and life?
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You may not feel that your differences as friends are all that important at the moment- in fact, they are the very things that keep your bond strong, thriving and even, exciting. But once you are committed, these may draw out a whole new side of you because you shall need to accommodate those choices in your own course of life. How do you do that of what you want is a stable career while he is okay with random paychecks from flânerie.
2. Do you know love, alone isn’t enough?
Can you have fun eating lunch at the same dinner table sharing stories about your day for the 5467th time? Can you have fun while buying a crib, painting a room or even joking about each other? The only thing to remember here is- it won’t get any easier. Be careful where you tread- for stepping into commitment magnifies everything- so be sure that you have loads besides love and friendship- like trust, compassion, unconditional support and the feeling of home- to amplify!
3. What would we be willing to give up (or not)?
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This isn’t as negative as it looks but is really, really important. What’d you do if one of you gets offered an incredible career opportunity somewhere far off? What happens when an emergency calls for a pooling in of time, effort and resources? Would you be willing to let go of some commitment or rearrange your schedule when your partner feels that you are working wonky hours and not giving her time? While some of these might not seem too big a deal now, they will as soon as the friendship label comes off and turns into rosy romantic. Even if it doesn’t quite feel rosy.
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4. And last but not least, can our friendship survive?
This is perhaps the most important thing about taking your friendship to the next level. Most friends thwart their feelings in fears about things going awry and wrecking what they currently have. You need to understand that there is a real possibility of your friendship being collateral damage if you took a shot at this and things went amiss. Lucky are those who can go back to their friendship the way it was before they were romantically involved- and that would only be Rachel or Joey- the rest just have to weigh in on the gamble. Decide if the leap is worth the risk.
Good luck!
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