No matter how in love you are with your husband or wife, maintaining a marriage is no easy feat. It requires patience, love, understanding, communication, and mutual respect for one another in order to ensure minimal problems and arguments between you two. Essentially, these are all the things that you had promised each other when you first got married, but sometimes these promises get lost along the way. There are thousands of people making a living out of giving marriage advice, and the most useful advice is usually the most simple.
Whether you are about to get married, you’ve recently married, or you have been married for a long time, there are some things that you simply should not accept in your relationship with your husband or wife. Things can turn unhealthy or even abusive, causing your idea of ‘happily ever after’ to fly out of the window. Here are 14 things that you should definitely not be tolerating in your relationship.
Suggested read: 10 dos and don’ts of a successful marriage
1. When you are made to feel belittled
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Finding a life partner whose circumstances in life match yours exactly is very, very rare. One partner may have a better job, earn more income than the other, or come from a very wealthy family background. However, these factors shouldn’t matter if you are truly in love and committed to each other. If your partner constantly rubs these details in your face and belittles your decisions and your career plans or ambitions, you should not tolerate this because it is disastrous for a marriage.
2. Mental and verbal abuse
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Professionals encourage months and months of therapy in order to solve marital problems. However, one of the biggest red flags in a marriage in when your partner abuses you mentally and verbally, which is sometimes much worse than physical abuse. It can signal the death of your confidence, independence, and ability to hold your own in society. Yelling at you, humiliating you, calling you names, or ridiculing you are all considered part of the definition of verbal and mental abuse.
3. Intolerance directed towards your friends
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Some people think that marriage means the end of your social life with friends and other associates. However, even though your priorities tend to change after you fully commit to another individual, maintaining your friendships is still necessary. If your partner becomes jealous when you see your friends or makes it evident that they don’t like you seeing them, it means that you have to put your foot down.
4. Physical abuse
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Physical violence is probably one of the most obvious signs that your marriage is on the verge of being unsalvageable. No matter the reason, your spouse should not be hitting you or physically harming you in any way. Sometimes when people become angry or frustrated, they take it out on their spouses. However, this is not even remotely justified.
5. Public embarrassment and ridicule
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There is nothing worse than being ridiculed and made of fun of in public, especially when it’s coming from your own spouse. Once you are married, you should act as a team in front of your friends, family, and acquaintances. When one starts generating humor at the expense of the other, it signifies something gravely wrong with the very foundation of the relationship that they share.
6. Dominance
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Unfortunately, some men seem to take the term “man of the house” very seriously, and assume it is their right to dominate over their partners and make all the decisions. In some cases, even some women seem to abuse their authority and downplay their husbands when it comes to taking care of the house and the family. Attempting to dominate over each other in any way is not healthy, and should not be tolerated under any circumstances.
7. Selfishness in bed
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Once you are married, you understand that sex is key to maintaining a solid bond as husband and wife. If you want sound marriage advice, here it goes: you and your partner should cultivate an exciting sex life, and should be very communicative and understanding with each other about your wants and needs in this area.
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8. Over-possessiveness
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There is one thing that you have to understand completely – no matter how attached you two are to each other, you are both independent, adult individuals. If one person starts becoming overly suspicious, or calls every 10 minutes to check up on what the other is doing, this is not a healthy pattern of behavior and in some instances can be enough to end a perfectly good marriage between two people.
8. Constant exasperation
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Patience is something that is absolutely essential if you are expecting a wonderful, flowery, problem-free married life. The opposite of patience however, exasperation, is something that is very disheartening and discouraging for the person who is on the receiving end of it. No matter what the situation is, your spouse should never get exasperated with you. If they do, you should not stand for it and work together to resolve this issue.
9. A feeling of abandonment
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A lot of marriage counselors have tried to help husbands and wives who feel like they have been abandoned by their spouses, for whatever reason they may cite. A feeling of abandonment is the worst feeling ever, and the terrible part is that it isn’t even your fault, even if you have been made to feel that way. No matter how long you have been married to each other, it is important that you make each other feel wanted and important. You may feel abandoned when your partner starts to take you for granted, which is not a very good thing either and should definitely not be tolerated.
10. Wrongful accusations
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This is another warped form of abuse that you should definitely not tolerate if you find yourself the victim of it. Whether it is something as simple as forgetting to turn off the lights or something as serious as cheating on your spouse, you should never let your partner wrongfully accuse you of something. Most of the time, people do this in order to shift the blame from themselves when they are the ones who are actually at fault. It is fatal for your mental health if you yield to this sort of abuse.
11. Body-shaming
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Being married does not give your spouse the right to criticize your appearance or make you feel miserable about yourself. Body shaming occurs when someone calls you rude names based on how you look. They may call you “too fat” or “too skinny” or tell you that you need “more makeup” or constantly point out your flaws, which is absolutely disgusting. Constantly judging you for the number of sexual partners that you have had in the past is another form of shaming that you should not be tolerate, whether you are married or not.
12. Flirting with other people
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It is abnormal if your spouse does not find other men or women attractive. However, there is a difference in appreciating other people from a safe distance, and taking their appreciation one step further by flirting with them, despite being married you. It is important that you notice their behavior in public and see how they behave around other people. If you see that they are going all out with their flirting, you have to put your foot down.
14. Lying
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Lying is nothing but a prelude to much more serious problems, such as cheating on each other. Trust is the basic foundation of any relationship, and you have to trust each other completely in order to maintain a healthy and successful marital life. When you see that your husband or your wife is constantly lying to you, whether about small things or big things, you should realize that they are doing so because they are also doing something else that is wrong.
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When it comes to marriage and relationships, there are a number of red flags that you must look out for in order to protect your peace of mind and dignity. If your spouse is unable to maintain the basic etiquette and treatment that they had promised you at the beginning of the relationship, then there is no point continuing and subjecting yourself to that sort of torture. What you should do afterwards is up to you, and if you can bring about a positive change before doing something drastic, then that is a great option. However, it is undeniable that you should not sit back and tolerate negative or even abusive behaviors that are occurring in your marriage. This is simple yet far-reaching marriage advice.
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