“You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.” – Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
Opinions vary widely on the question regarding whether it is easier to raise sons or daughters. While this hasn’t been resolved yet, in countries like India, there are very clear ‘rules’ laid out by our society when it comes to raising the girl child. Boys are usually given a free reign when it comes to living their lives, choosing their careers, and basically do as they please. Girls are usually raised with a view that her life goal is to keep her husband and in-laws happy, resulting in tons of advice and restrictions.
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What many people – especially those in older generations – don’t realize is that it takes two to tango – a marriage is never completely successful unless both the man and the woman work towards it. Else, one partner usually ends up breeding resentment, when the full responsibility of maintaining the relationship is upon them. Since women these days aren’t ready to compromise on the quality of their marriages, it’s high time that the men woke up and smelled the coffee! But the first step for this begins at home, at the very foundation. And who best to teach a son about women than his own mother? Being a mother myself, I would like to teach these 6 essential lessons to my son before he gets married (although it’s a long way off for him to be even thinking about such things!):
1. She comes first
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Your wife is now your life partner. That is a term with a very deep implication; she is going to be your partner for life. Through good, bad, joys, sorrows, prosperity, poverty, sickness, and health – she is the one who will share your fortunes and fate. So it stands to reason that she should come first in your life. You now leave us and your old family to begin a new one with your wife. She deserves the first say in all your decisions, and she owes you the same.
2. Please don’t compare her with me!
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Please don’t make me out to be an evil mother-in-law! I’ve been in your life for decades; I gave birth to you! But your wife is a new person in your life, and the most special one from now on. She probably doesn’t know how you prefer your tea or what you eat when you’re sick, but she’ll learn. The same goes for you; you are yet to learn about her likes and dislikes, knowledge which only comes with years of marriage. Your wife and I both hold different, yet important places in your life, but one can’t replace the other. Just think how annoying it would be if she kept comparing you to her father!
3. Respect her, her dreams, and her family
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Your wife hasn’t been manufactured with the sole purpose of submitting to and serving you. She has her own dreams, her own opinions, her own aspirations. Respect them, even if you don’t agree with everything – that’s perfectly normal. After all, you both were raised in different backgrounds. Be very respectful towards her family, and extend the same courtesy you would expect her to show us. Nothing will warm her heart more than seeing you make an effort to get along with her parents and siblings.
4. You are an equal partner
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You’ve probably seen me do more than my share of work around the house, but that’s not going to work with the women of your generation! Probably shouldn’t have worked for our generation either, but that’s neither here nor there. She works just as hard as you during the day, whether at home or at an office, and she deserves some time to relax at the end of the day too. Help out where you can, or split up household chores between the two of you. And remember this especially when you become a parent; that’s when the partnership is needed the most.
5. Look at the big picture
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Your wife will not always be sweet and smiling, that would be unnatural! She will get moody, she’ll fight for no reason, and she might even nag you. It’s easy to get irritated and feel defeated on such occasions, but remember to look at the big picture. It’s not because she hates you; she’s still with you, right? Women have a different way of expressing emotions from men, and they have additional hormonal spikes to deal with. Be gentle and she’ll soon become her usual self.
6. Cherish her
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Women don’t just want to be taken care of, they want to be cherished. Make her feel special with surprise gestures of affection from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a diamond ring; it can be doing the laundry while she’s in the kitchen, or getting dinner ready before she gets home. When you have your own family and busy jobs, take the time out to spend time with each other and relive your honeymoon days. It’s moments like these that act like the glue that holds marriages together.
A woman is a complex creature my son, but her expectations from you are simple – a kind-hearted husband who loves and respects her, and treats her as his true partner. Always remember these lessons and you’re on your way to a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with the woman you love.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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