Dear you,
They say that everyone is flawed. People fight in every kind of relationship and that you can’t be happy your whole life. I am not sure about every other theory that I have heard of, but I know one thing for sure. I am flawed.
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When I met you a few years back, I told you that I was a little incomplete. There were these pieces of mine that were missing. I felt like I was a puzzle that was hurriedly placed together. When they put me back in one piece, they lost a few parts of me that are still missing. Till date, I crave for those lost pieces.
You often say “I love you,” to me and then there are times when I am not able to reciprocate it. You say that I am cold and that I can never feel anything as warm as love. But the truth is that I love you to the stars and back. I find it hard to express it, to say it out loud. I let my actions express my love for you rather than my words. My heart is not cold, love. It is broken.
I was broken much before I met you and though you have done a remarkable job in putting the scattered pieces together, but there are a few things in this world that are best remain broken. There is this beauty about being incomplete. I have embraced it now, and I want you to accept it too.
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You are all bright and loud. You wear a perfect smile on your face and have an entire palette of colors to choose from while I live my world in black and white. I have been sad, depressed, and jaded. I have been sick of this feeling inside of me. It is like a big hole of vacuum that you can’t fill.
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I make mistakes – a lot of them, but I know that you are not one of them. I have the kind of habits that most people don’t like. I get angry way too often and become a house on fire that only keeps on burning. Every time you try to fix me, it only propagates it. You need to understand – you are not the water to my fire, you are my gasoline.
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I need you, not to extinguish me, but to burn me. I want you to accept me, to be a part of my insecurities and flaws. I want us to be entwined together so perfectly that we won’t exist as two distinct entities anymore. I need you, like oxygen. I can’t survive without you.
I have already lost you several times in these last few years. I have lost you to my flaws. I have lost you to the darkness. I have lost you to a future that existed only in my dreams. But now I know that I haven’t spent my whole life losing you; I have spent all my entire life finding you.
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I can’t fight anymore, love. I have no strength. My own demons are killing me with every passing moment. I am flawed. I might not be enough for the whole damn world, but I should be enough for you. Yes, I am not perfect, but who is? To err is human, to forgive divine. It is all up to you now. You can either walk away or accept me for all my flaws. Save me from what I have become. Make my heart a better place. Give me that last piece. Make me whole again.
Love me the way I am.
Yours,
The Flawed
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