A while ago, when I was meeting a group of friends one evening and bonding over some beer at a bar, someone brought up the topic of an ex-girlfriend. The reason she was now his ex was because she was “high maintenance,” he said. Apparently, she had overriding expectations from him and he wouldn’t give in to all of her demands. After listening to him rant, I realized that he wasn’t referring to her materialistic demands after all. Now, because she wasn’t really present there that evening, I couldn’t get her side of the story to validate his facts or to simply pass a judgment. After a short moment of silence and a unanimous yet noncommittal “hmm,” the group moved on to other topics. Not me though, I was still a little hung up on the statement the guy had made. It got me thinking about men and women in general, and also what high maintenance actually meant.
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I cleared my mind and started weighing in the literal meaning of what high or low maintenance would be. The first thing that came to my mind was a monthly fee that we pay our landlord as maintenance charges towards the apartment that we live in. And what might the landlord do with these charges, I wondered? Ah, take care of his property, right? He ensures everything runs smoothly in the building, repairs any damages made and simply maintains the whole building.
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So, when the guy said high maintenance, did he mean he was paying more than what was the actual worth? And paying how, I began to think. Why would he use a terminology most commonly used to refer to assets or things? Are women things too? Living things, yeah?
You would think that typically high maintenance women are the ones who spend tons of money on makeup and bags that cost a fortune. Or perhaps someone who is habituated to visiting luxurious spas every fortnight and will not dine in a place that doesn’t serve caviar and fine champagne. And, on the other hand, a low maintenance girl is someone who would eat from a food truck, has nail polish chipping off from her fingernails, and would often be clad in boyfriend jeans. Well, all that is subjective.
I’m not a low maintenance girl, and no, I’m not someone who spends enormous amounts of time and money on materialistic pleasures. Not entirely! Sometimes only, but only because I’m human!
However, I like to maintain my self-respect, self-esteem, dignity, and personality, and all that comes with a huge price. I am demanding of my rights, I’m level-headed, and have a mind of my own. I will never be coerced into thinking or doing anything you tell me otherwise. I would never let a man treat me in a way that makes me feel less loved, inferior, or insecure. So, well, there you go – I’m not a low maintenance girl, and I will never fall into that category. Ever.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
For me, maintenance is not just about the way I look, it’s about how I feel from within. What’s the point in looking all prim and proper, to just be someone’s trophy wife? Why must I look pretty and take pains to dress well and be a man’s arm candy? So, while I still pay attention to my exterior self, I pay far more concentrated attention to how I feel, or how a man makes me feel deep within. When I’m with him, I demand his undivided attention, his enthusiastic energy, and his wholehearted love. I want my man to show me that I’m his one and only and pamper me with kindness, encouragement, and support. I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
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You see, it is sort of my birth right to have such expectations from a guy I’m head over heels in love with. While I provide him my endless love and care, I do expect a few things in return, and for this, if he terms me as a high maintenance girl – you bet I’m fine with it. It is my well-deserved prize for all the sacrifices I make and ensure that he feels special always. So, I’m anything but low maintenance.
If you were to ever buy a car and had the purchasing power to buy a BMW, would you ever buy a BMW and not take care of it? Would you let it scratch or drive it off of a hill? Sure you wouldn’t! Then why wouldn’t you put up with a woman who you say adds value to your life? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women are like cars or are a prized commodity (or maybe they are – actually they are priceless!), I’m only trying to make you understand in a language that you know.
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Women of quality come with a certain price and yes, there’s a price for everything. I don’t mean monetarily, but you do end up paying hefty prices to keep up with them. What’s priceless is your relationship with them. So if you are one of those guys who would not let a woman be herself, doesn’t respect her, shuts the voice inside of her, or who constantly tells her what to do, and most importantly, makes her feel devoid of a personality, then you must not engage yourself with her. She is way off your league. Trust me, she can do better without an MCP like yourself!
To all the women out there, don’t be afraid to be tagged as high maintenance because you are NOT a low maintenance woman. You shouldn’t be one either. You need to look after yourself well and not just on the outside and with matters concerning your looks. But, you need to be self-aware, muster courage to speak your mind, do what your heart desires, wear what the weather demands, feel happy about who you are, and above all, enjoy being yourself. Live a little more than what is expected from you, take advantage of the fact that you are a woman. Because yes, you are precious. Never for a moment think that you are any less than anyone. Let no one tell you otherwise.
If a man thinks that you are high maintenance, so be it. Take pride in it. You see, all pricey things are extremely desirable. Everyone wants to have them but not everyone can afford them. So my sincere advice to all you ladies is to not be a low maintenance girl. Why should you? Why would you give in? Remember, you can always do better without them chauvinist men. I’d rather be a single high maintenance woman than be a submissive low maintenance woman in a committed relationship.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
So don’t compromise on your standards, your thoughts, and your moral grounds. Let them be high, but what needs to be low is your tolerance levels to any kind of crap in the form of abuse, misdemeanor, disrespect, and cruelty towards you. Stand up for yourself and who you are; don’t be ashamed to voice your feelings, and when need be, take control of the situations.
Frankly, you can do all of the above only if you are;
- Independent – not just financially but also in other ways. Don’t depend on others to move things around. Learn to do it yourself. Can you drive a car, ride a bike, and fix a light bulb?
- Financially independent – this needs no explanation. When you can pay for your own expenses, you don’t need no man’s approval.
- Educated – a Sky’s the limit for an educated woman. As long as you have a strong educational qualification, you are unstoppable! It’s never too late to start; finish that course and get that degree, we say!
- Instinctive – We are gifted with this one thing that most men lack. So leverage that gift and follow your instincts while making decisions.
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Well, I do have expectations from my partner – I do expect flowers, gifts, and all the pampering that typically women love. But more importantly, I value my freedom of thought, word, and speech, and I guess I’m lucky to have been able to portray outside exactly how I feel inside. So, to the guys to who think that a woman is high maintenance, you need to increase your standards.
And to the rest of my clan, celebrate yourself and don’t be a low maintenance girl. It’s not worth it, because you deserve more, and better.
Featured image source: someecards
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