For as long as we humans live, we will continue to break promises, repeat our mistakes, and yet have expectations from others. We are a confused lot that way. I mean, sometimes we’re plain stupid but we’d like to think of ourselves as superior beings. But all this is also subjective to what each of us thinks of as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. It’s tough to arrive at that decision at times.

---

Suggested read: The aftermath of marriage: What you must be ready for

---

When I first learnt about a matrimonial website for divorced people, I was happy. The positive person in me surfaced up and I did think that these people deserved a second chance, you know? It’s unfortunate if you have been in a failed marriage, or for whatever reasons you had to get separated. You sure deserve another chance at love. I mean, we as human beings crave for love and there’s nothing wrong in expecting a little bit of that from people around.

Image source: Pinterest

Whoever came up with the idea of such a matrimonial site surely had some vision, because yes, it’s true. People who have had a failed marriage still want to get married again. Now, me personally, I’m not so sure about this. It’s a great business plan for the website, but is it really good for the people?

I mean, why?

Why would someone want to put themselves in that little sphere where they aren’t sure if the ‘second chance’ will work out? Taking the leap of faith, perhaps?

To err is human, but to repeat it is foolishness.

Apparently, there are a lot of people who still wish and want to get married again despite them having gone through all kinds of crap in their previous relationship.

I still don’t understand why.

Agreed that the cause for a failed marriage could be the other person, or sometimes, it could be you. But, how can you be sure that history will not repeat itself?

I really hope this day never comes, but if my marriage ever failed for whatever reasons, I’d never remarry. Yes, never.

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Because my faith in marriage as an institution would probably be diminished. Firstly, to me, marriage is not a sport and can’t be played in intervals or with breaks. It’s a long lasting bond, something that brings together two people who are hopelessly in love with each other. Two people who care for each other and are willing to do anything to stay with each other. In that case, if this first bond breaks for whatever reason, I will probably lose faith altogether and I will never be able to strike the same chord again with someone else. It would be really difficult considering the rapport that I already have with my husband. Besides, I will always compare the next guy to the benchmark that has been set already. I guess it’s not hard to say that I’ll be a mess if that were to happen.

That said, I sometimes think that if you are someone who has suffered a lot in a marriage and then finally got rid of that crazy person from your life and moved away from them, you must not jump into the next new thing.

---

Suggested read: 10 types of men you will meet in post-divorce dating

---

Taking time is necessary, but also it’s worth considering if getting into another similar bond would make anything better. What’s the guarantee that the next person is not going to be similar to the first? What if the next person is probably twice as bad as the first?

Scares the hell out of me.

But see, here lies the problem. As I mentioned earlier, we as humans are needy, we like to take risks, although some are really not worth taking. We try to stay positive, and sometimes, when we are way too positive, we end up disappointing ourselves. Then the whole thing repeats,  forming a vicious circle. A circle from which there is no escape. And really, I’m not so sure that this would be the ‘right’ thing to do.

Image source: Pinterest

Forget it being right or wrong, won’t it take a toll on you – emotionally? Wouldn’t you be putting yourself through some more trauma and taking a risk which you think will bring you happiness and peace? But what it will only do is worsen your case.

Think about yourself too. Yes, you deserve to be happy, everyone does. On the other hand, if you’ve been trapped in a miserable marriage and just saw the light of day post your divorce, I think you must try to then stay happy by being alone. Yes, for some time for sure, and maybe in the long run too.

It’s not easy to suddenly switch off and on from different emotions. Frankly, it’s not worth the risk. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Yes, not all people are the same, but by now, you know very well how ugly things can get. You’ve seen the worse and it probably doesn’t take too long for things to swing in the other direction.

For whatever reason your marriage failed earlier, you don’t want a repeat of that. So why bother? Also, sometimes marriage is overrated. Staying single has its own benefits.

So, take time off, don’t hurry. Enjoy your new freedom for as long as you can or want to. Love, companionship, and trust don’t always have to come in the form of marriage. There’s something called family, friends, and casual dating. You don’t have to be married to get all these things. So if you are someone who has witnessed a failed marriage, you know very well how hard it is when you can’t get love, companionship, and trust from the other person. So, would it be wise to expect that from another person too?

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

I don’t know, somehow, I can’t seem to put my finger on it, because my heart fears that the odds of me having a repeat of the same are higher. Also, I would dread or perhaps kill myself if I found out that I got the part 2 of my first partner. I’d be miserable for years after that. I wouldn’t want to put myself through that much mental torture again. I’d never remarry.

---

Suggested read: 12 dos and don’ts of dating after divorce

---

Besides, I also think that it’s right when people sometimes say that you get married only once. So, I’d think really hard before I take the plunge. I’d assess and evaluate the person like an object in a chemistry lab. Make thorough notes and only after a series of tests, would I still cross my fingers and then take the leap. I mean, you get married only once, right? So I’d like to be doubly sure.

I don’t mean to judge the people who have been married twice (or more times), and I’m happy for them if they are happy. But if I were someone who came out of a failed marriage, I’d be really careful. I’d be worried sick, I’d be scared, and I’d never remarry.

Featured image source: Shutterstock