I’m 29, and am married to a loving, caring, and beautiful woman. She’s loyal, kind, and faithful, and one of the best persons to have come into my life. But, I want my wife to have an affair, and this is my story.
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It was a typical day at the office, me working side by side with one of my female colleagues, preparing a presentation for the next day.
Suggested read: I found out my husband cheated on me… but I stayed
To give you a bit of context, I am in the consulting business, and more often than not, I work late at the office. Sometimes with colleagues around to keep me company, sometimes not. I have been living the life – five days of solid work, live life to the fullest during the meager two days at the end of the week. My wife was in the corporate sector too, but since we got pregnant, she made a conscious choice to enjoy her pregnancy at home, relaxing and pampering herself. She wanted to experience motherhood to the fullest, and we are a couple who is privileged enough to make that choice. You see, she used be a hotshot editor at this magazine – high-powered job, the stress that comes with a senior position, office politics, et al – she wanted a break, and the pregnancy news couldn’t have come at a better time.
I needed to give you that context before I proceeded further. Anyway, we were handling a particularly prickly sort of client, who railed and ranted against anyone and everyone who was involved in the project. I wouldn’t exactly call him a sexist, but he sure was a chauvinist. Almost all my women teammates were wary of him, and preferred to leave the correspondence to me.
Then why did we even have him as a client, you ask? Same old reason – the moolah he was shelling out for the project.
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It had been a hectic couple of weeks, with my team working day and night to fulfill all of his demands, and one night, I found myself consoling a visibly shaken Sarah* who had just received a call from the above mentioned client and got shouted at for some minor error he’d noticed. And it’s not like Sarah to get upset over something so slight. I got the impression from her demeanor that he’d gone a step ahead and insulted her personally.
All my efforts to console her seemed to fall on deaf ears as she internalized the insult, taking it as a personal verbal assault. I’m not a guy who can handle crying women; I was growing desperate by the minute, and I did the only thing that came to mind. I hugged her, awkwardly too, I might add. It seemed like she was just waiting for someone to hold her. She sobbed into my shirt even as I held her awkwardly. It was unsettling holding another woman in my arms who wasn’t my wife.
That was the moment that triggered what was to come.
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Over the next few weeks, Sarah and I began to talk more, and I also noticed a certain friendliness when she spoke to me. We both knew that we were both unavailable to take our new found ‘friendliness’ further – I was married, and she was with her on-again, off-again boyfriend. I began to crave spending time with her. I would wait for her texts in the morning. In essence, I was hooked, and I was walking a thin-edged sword.
Suggested read: Is it okay to cheat if your partner doesn’t know about it?
On the one hand, I loved my wife, and on the other, the taboo nature of my relationship with Sarah was a high that I was reluctant to let go of. Needless to say, I ended up sleeping with Sarah. I couldn’t even put into words what I’d done. I’d betrayed and disrespected my wife, my wedding vows, my unborn child, and myself, in the process.
I’d always been a goody-two-shoes kind of guy. I never crossed a line with anything, and I was the quintessential nice guy among my friends. And I had crossed a line, from which there was no coming back. In the aftermath of my one night stand – I don’t want to call it an affair because it was a one-night stand – I ended all ties with Sarah, changed my cell phone number (just to be on the safe side), got myself transferred to a new team, so that I wouldn’t have the temptation to stray again.
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I feared facing my wife, I wouldn’t look her in the eyes when I spoke to her, and she was so attuned to me and my reactions, that she knew something was definitely up. I wouldn’t, no couldn’t, talk to her about it – for obvious reasons, of course.
Was I going to lose my wife when I told her about my betrayal? But first of all, was I capable of doing that to her? Would I have to see that loving look in her eyes being replaced by loathing, hate, and anger? What about my unborn child growing in her womb? If my wife knew, would she talk to her parents, her sister, or even my parents about it?
God! What mess had I created with one moment of my weakness?
Was I going to be judged by this one mistake I made – for the rest of my life? Would I be labeled a cheater? Was I going to lose everything?
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I, I, I, me, me, me – it all boiled down to what I was feeling with one mistake I’d done. One momentary lapse in judgment. One moment where I was caught off guard with lust for another woman. What had I done?
And what am I about to think? That I want my wife to have an affair?? To assuage my guilt? What kind of a person had I become? Do I deserve the punishment I’d get for confessing my sins to my wife? Was it fair to lose my family for one indiscretion? Did my whole life boil down to that one night stand?
Suggested read: I was 19 when I chose to terminate my pregnancy…
Today marks six months since I gambled away my perfectly built life over one indiscretion, one moment of weakness. I have been distant and aloof with my wife. Our child is due to come into this world any day now, and yet, I want my wife to have an affair. As the days have passed, I find myself lost in reveries where I’ve come clean about the affair with my wife, and she being an alpha woman, went straight and had an affair with one of her old flames from college. Now that we’ve both hurt each other equally, we’re ready to move on.
But in these daydreams, I’m stuck there, not knowing what happens after that. Although it seems like the perfect solution to my dilemma, would it really solve my problems? Would my wife having an affair just so that the playing field is leveled, worth it? Or, will that second affair completely destroy my marriage? What kind of examples would we be setting our kid when he/she is born into this family that we, no, I have managed to muck up?
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people concerned
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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