There is an “other woman” in my marriage (and in your marriage too, unless she has kicked the bucket already, and I am hoping you are not that lucky! Yes, I am talking of the mother-in-law): Mummyji, because I have no idea what else to call her! Anyway, so when I just got married to “her son” (she keeps reminding me of that and now it has become a far more comfortable pronoun to use while addressing the man!), she sat me down and told me oh-so-sweetly, “Dear, I am sure you are aware of the fact that two swords cannot be contained in one sheath?!” Perplexed at this sudden talk of blade and armor, I battled my urge to give her a high-five since she was obviously a co-fan of Game of Thrones, right? Fathoming that it would be highly inappropriate to do that under any circumstance, I held my hand and more importantly, my tongue, to myself!! Thank God for my restraint, which is a once in a blue moon kinda a thing, because later my husband told me that this was an analogy she had wanted to use for an eternity now; just one line to let me know how she was killing the cat on the first night itself!
Quietly reprimanding myself for not paying attention in my English classes in school, I told my husband that only an old, rusty sword stays in the scabbard, because the new one is busy doing its job on the field! Such a cool comeback, no? Wish I had told her that on the face! Well, I usually conjure up such smart retorts that could easily get the monster (in-law in this case!) biting the dust but it is, more than often, (read: all the time) too late; things that I should have said!
Image source: indianparentsforum
There was this one time when we went to her place for lunch. All of a sudden she looked at me, pointed at her son, and said, “He has become so grimy. Why don’t you send him over to our place this weekend so that I can scour him with my own hands and send him to you all polished.” Well, very sweet offer, Mummyji, if he was a toddler, but since he is a father to a toddler himself now, it is outright creepy!
Suggested read: 5 tips to break the ice and build trust with your mother-in-law
And then that constant rant in a sweet-nauseating voice (how does she even manage something like that without sounding like Himesh Reshammiya?!) “Dear, MY SON (yes, it sounds as accentuating as that), just look at him. He seems so frail. Are you not looking after him properly? Aren’t you feeding him well?” To which, I said, “Hmm, how about you start giving me the allowance you promised when you hired me as a nanny for your son and then see how I perform magic on his well-being, huh?” Well, I almost said that. Or maybe I did… in my head!
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So amidst all that criticism, nudging each other out of family and family pictures (!), grabbing the front seat to go shotgun with the man, who is both her man and my man (if we are cheering for the same person, why don’t we just pom-pom pump each other and enjoy the match?!), boring people with gross childhood tales of the kid he once was to spell out how Tommy loves Mommy the most, I sometimes, am glad that she is a gift to me by law and not by nature because hey! What kind of a nickname is Tommy?! She is my built-in rival and I hers, and I think we both secretly enjoy that, or else the saga wouldn’t go on for centuries now – kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi! 😉
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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