Relationships are often seen as the holy grail of social interactions. It feels as though it has to be pursued, there’s no two ways about it; it has to be dogged as an elixir for boredom or the horror of dying alone! And since it is so vital, people hurry into one, often settling for the worst relationship ever, because, according to them, dating is tiring and loneliness cruel.
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In a world that looks at a relationship that way, or to be precise, glorifies the hell out of it, people like I, feel out of place. Wondering why? Well, that’s because I don’t want a relationship.
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Just last week, I met this man who seemed to be everything I wanted in my partner. But I have been seeing him almost every day since, and he is not the guy for me! I just know it. And this is not the first time, you know, that something like this has happened to me! I gave it a lot of thought, and it has been agonizing to the core. My fear of being intimate with someone has again come between me and my potential coupledom!
I feel guilty now that this guy opened up to me, put his heart on the table, one would say, and here I am, thinking of ways to break up with him! To be honest with you, I came to this site looking for ways how to gently break the news to him, and figured there is a way for me to contribute. So now I am going to tell you my story, my reasons for being someone who doesn’t want a relationship. Unpopular opinion, eh? Anyway, what I want from you is to tell me if I am doing the right thing! Please!
Being in a relationship with someone you might end up spending your entire life with, hadn’t been the focus of my teens. Most of my friends had started dating since they were 13, and today that’s normal. On the contrary, today if you are not dating anyone, and are not even looking for an S.O. to post “adorable pictures” with on Facebook, or gush about them to your friends, you are deemed weird. I don’t understand why the thought of a person not wanting to be in a relationship is so befuddling to most people!
Frankly speaking, I have lost count of the number of times I have been hounded at gatherings about whom I was dating. These friends of mine and relatives, don’t want to know IF I am dating, but WHOM I am dating, because I am supposed to be dating someone, right?!
I am expected to be in a relationship; my family expects it, and so do my friends. It wouldn’t be wrong of me to say that the society expects me to be in a relationship. Because how is it possible that I am a 20-something, healthy woman, and not in a relationship with someone?!
Can you sense my exasperation, already?! I don’t want a relationship, Goddammit!
I am not belittling people who are in a relationship. So please don’t get me wrong. But I have my reasons of not wanting to date. Here are some:
1. I want to focus solely on my career
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I know, I know, you think it is a cliché, but I think it is a truth, at least when it comes to me. I think I will not be able to juggle a relationship and a career, at the same time. I mean, I doff my hat to those who do it, but it is not my cup of tea. I think I would try putting my cent per cent to both, and end up ruining them alike!
2. I really don’t have the time to be in a relationship
My career has just taken off, and I am extremely focused at being a 20-something girl: I am travelling, learning new things, making new friends, investing time into things that will help me build a really admirable livelihood. I don’t think I can sabotage all that just to cuddle and watch sitcoms with someone! I spend almost every waking second doing things that help me get ahead professionally, and personally too.
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3. I want to improve myself right now
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I am still not fully satisfied with the person I am, and so I need more time to better myself. I think only that will make me happy and feel complete, and not another person by my side! Also, if I do ever get into a relationship, I want my man to have the best version of me. I don’t think I have reached there yet.
4. I cannot see myself with someone long-term
Like I just told you about the guy I am going to break up with? Now that has been happening for quite some time! I don’t know if it is technically a break up too, coz it’s been just five days that I know him! Anyway, the point is, I cannot picture myself with another person for a long period of time. So even if I date, it will be for a short while, and that’s only a waste of time for that person and for me! So what is the point, really?
5. Emotionally, I don’t feel that way about love and relationships and marriage!
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Honestly, I have a number of things to worry about right now than having a boyfriend! Relationships just don’t sound fun to me. I am not prepared emotionally to be at someone’s beck and call like 24×7 for 365 days in a row!
6. I cannot handle someone else butting into my life decisions
Being a young, responsible woman, there are tons of life-altering decisions that I need to take in a day. Now if I was committed to someone, it would be expected of me, to tell them about what I was planning, and to care equally about how this decision would affect them, and if they were happy about it or not. At the moment, all I want to worry about is whether that decision is in my best interest or not. Period!
7. I can tick things off my bucket list without worrying about whether he thinks they are worth it!
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If I was dating someone, I wouldn’t be able to take a whole year off and travel the world, without seriously hoping that they are fine with it. I don’t want such constraints in my life.
8. Relationships need some serious effort
If you want your relationship to work, you should be ready for all the blood, sweat and tears you need to put in to make it work. No, don’t tell me I am over-dramatizing it, for god’s sake! Planning dates, surprise parties, making sure 90 per cent of your energy and time is spent on thinking about or talking to your partner, putting their choices above yours, blah, blah! Just 10 percent for the rest of the things I need to do? I don’t think that will work for me, seriously!
9. I cannot commit myself to someone totally, at the moment
Committing to someone is way more than changing one’s relationship status on FB and other social media sites! You are now responsible for your partner’s happiness, and their sorrows alike. I find that kind of a responsibility terrifying, to say the least!
10. Truth be told, I am too selfish to be in a relationship!
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I am not someone who will sugar-coat facts just to create a positive image of myself. So yes, I am selfish, and proudly so. I like watching movies which only I want to. I like spending my entire salary on a dress or a plimsoll that I have been eyeing for quite some time. I put my priorities above others’. I hate being forced to do things for others; I do them if I feel like doing them. It has worked for me so far, and I am sure it will for work for me for quite a while!
11. I need the whole bed to myself!
Yes, I hate sharing my bed with someone. I cannot have just one side of the bed. And if anyone ever thinks of hogging my blanket, all hell’s gonna break lose! You may think this is a stupid reason for not dating, but it is valid enough for me to steer clear of the dating game! Okay, I am just kidding! But I really don’t want to be in a relationship!
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More than often, people are willing to give up their freedom at a bargaining price. They are ready to settle for a counterfeit illusion rather than waiting for the real thing. Entering into a relationship just because you are scared you will die lonely, I don’t get the point.
If I keep seeing this guy, I told you earlier about, I would be unfair to him, because with each meeting if he grows fonder of me or feels inextricably attached to me, it will be very difficult and unethical to break his heart then. Also, I need to do this for myself since I cannot continue impassioned like a professor at community college when I know the future of this relationship, like that of our planet, is bleak!
Being in a relationship of convenience while knowing it throughout that this is not right, isn’t something I would want to do! I would rather like to be honest with him right now, and tell him I don’t want a relationship.
Do you think I am doing the right thing? Please comment and let me know. I need your help!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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