I am a strong woman, a woman who knows what she wants, and isn’t afraid of asking for it, and certainly not scared of fighting for what she knows is hers. I am a woman, who isn’t celebrated usually, because she isn’t looking for someone to save her but for someone she can save.
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I am a strong woman, and when you see me your heart will skip a beat, not because you have fallen head over heels in love with me, but because when you saw me, you spotted a free soul. And that terrified you; that my heart isn’t a garden with flowers growing around my ribcage, but one that breathes fire, worried the hell out of you. And once you gained some power over your train of thoughts that were whooshing like never before, you thought to yourself, “if she isn’t easy, she will be amazing.” Well, let me tell you something: I will be more than amazing, but spend some time with me and you will know why storms are named after women.
I am a strong woman you cannot love. I have loved, I have lost and I have learnt my lessons. No, I don’t hate myself. On the contrary, I love myself way too much to let me settle for someone I know isn’t good enough for me. Ouch, did that hurt!? Oh, do I care?
I am not easy. I will leave and let go way before you have wrapped your head around the gale that rolled up, shattered everything in pieces and left. Don’t tell me I am mean and selfish. I know that myself, but the fact that you have not suffered my malice gives you no right to talk about it. I have let myself burn, and from my ashes I rose again, stronger, and maybe a little less of who I was, but way more of who I am today.
I am not easy. I feel way too much, and I make no attempts to hold my emotions back. But that doesn’t mean you need to save me. Save me from whom, I ask? From myself? The demons I carry, make me ME, and I know you won’t get that, so, why bother trying?
Image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License
I am not easy. I am demanding; not in the sense that I want you to call me a million times a day to ask me if I have eaten! I am demanding of the person I love, and expect him to work as much as I do to bring out the best in him: not for me, but for himself. I cannot allow you to be satisfied with what is mediocre. I cannot let you dwell in the in-betweens. I cannot let you be happy with just a few drops of water and a handful of stars. You will have to strive for the ocean and the infinite galaxies that have their homes around us.
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If you are thinking I carry in my chest a broken heart, or better, a half of a heart, and the other half lies somewhere in your chest, then you certainly are wasting your time. My heart has no holes, and my soul isn’t empty. The portions of my heart that got burnt when I survived the fire, is devoid of life, but I am nurturing them myself, watering them with my thoughts.
I am not waiting for someone to come rescue me. I am not a map that you will figure out someday; I am a maze that you never will. And so, here is what I need to say to you: Like you never will jump in front of moving cars or, lurch at the edge of mountains, unless you are a lunatic or suicidal of course, do not fall in love with me. Do not pull out all the stops to sweep the floor from under my feet because I will always stay anchored. You will promise me the moon and the stars, but baby, I can soar into the sky myself and pluck them out if need be. I don’t need a lover for that!
I need a lover who knows that he doesn’t have to ‘look after’ me. And doesn’t expect the same from me. One who knows I will change, for I will grow. One who will change and grow himself. I need a lover who knows, understands and practices self-love.
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Love is blind, but one shouldn’t lose sight of who they are and what makes them happy. I want someone who knows I deserve happiness, and so does he. I want a lover, who in loving me, hasn’t forgotten himself. One who knows, love is not about completing each other. No one can complete you but yourself. Love is about complementing one another and when a duo does that all labels are lost to the background or at least become trivial. It is necessary for everyone to choose themselves first every morning and then go on to choose the person they would want to spend their life and love with. I want a man who wakes up every morning, and recites to himself that he is strong and worthy of being celebrated. One who knows he does not need to be defined by someone else. And I will love him with all that I have.
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