Understanding Tinder is a multi-step process. You cannot create a good profile after going through a couple of handy guides, and let the Tinder gods do the rest of the work for you. For starters, there is no Tinder god. It is all you. It is all on you to establish a connection with someone you have matched with. For this, you need to know what talking to people online entails.
Gone are the days when people cringe at you continuously for an hour when you tell them that you have met someone online. Gone are the days when people used fake IDs to chat online anonymously and disappear again into the dark seamy corners of the web. The Internet, and especially online dating sites like Tinder is the brand new exciting way to meet new people, and in order to keep those people and make actual connections who don’t unmatch you after one conversation, you need to learn the art of talking to people online.
Suggested read: Women On Tinder, Do You Still Consider Yourself A Feminist?
In today’s article, I will tell you about certain do’s and don’ts, which make you a smooth talker, and not a creep, when you are talking to your matches on Tinder. Fair warning: it is more complicated than you think it is.
- Don’t start with boring things. Like “Hi”
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Believe me when I tell you that there are a lot of people who use Tinder. Like, a lot. A lot of people also match with each other, and honestly, at this point, everyone is super jaded with the type of conversation that takes place on the site. Chances are, that even if you match with someone, and you send them a boring something like “hi”, they are going to unmatch you at the speed of light.
You can start with a witty liner, which is risky unless you are super confident in your sense of humor. However, the safe thing to do is use the information they already have on their profile and use it as conversation-starter. I am sure you swiped right on them because you saw something that caught your interest, so use that instead of something ultra boring that could easily get lost in the crowd, and trust me, there is a crowd.
- Don’t keep sending thousands of messages if they don’t reply
Here’s the thing, there can be several reasons why people don’t reply. It is your duty to send the first message if you have matched with a person (unless they have already messaged first) and the wait for them to reply. If it has been a couple of weeks that they haven’t responded, then they are simply not interested and you can move on to your next potential soul mate.
What you should not be doing is sending them a string of messages when they don’t reply, because it is hella annoying. If they come online after a while and wan to talk to you and see that you have sent them three thousand messages, they are going to unmatch you without another word, so best to keep it cool.
- Don’t use cheesy pickup lines
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Cheesy pickup lines are so 2002, I am not even sure if the internet existed in 2002, but what I do know is that they aren’t cool anymore. Either you use them ironically if you are a Tinder hipster like I am (even though that also doesn’t work half the time because people don’t take it ironically), or you don’t use them at all. Like I said, classy is the new sexy, although pickup lines were never sexy.
However, just because I have rejected all your pickup lines and shattered all your dreams, you are also not allowed to use “hey” and “what’s up” as conversation starters. If you have run out of options, then make some smart friends who have online chatting game, and take lessons from them. If you don’t know want to make so much effort, then wait for my next guide (huehue).
Suggested read: The Complete Guide On How To Find True And Lasting Love (If You Are Tired Of Tinder)
- Don’t rush things
If you have successfully managed to hold a conversation with a person for more than a couple of hours, then good job, you two might be genuinely interested in each other. However, just because you have crossed the two hour mark doesn’t mean that the chances of you screwing this up have gone completely.
It is natural that once you have started talking online, you would want to take this to the next level. The next level is obviously exchanging numbers. Most of the people I have spoken to have used the “Tinder tends to lag so give me your number” excuse, which only works if I am really into the person. I would suggest something more creative. However, what I wouldn’t suggest is starting your conversation with “give me your number so that we can meet and have sex.” Take things slow, and smooth. Always be smooth.
- Compliment people other than the way they look
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Saying things like “nice eyes”, “nice smile”, “nice wrists”, “nice teeth”, “nice knees,” etc. is outdated and boring. Apart from the sleazy comments, which are always a big no-no, you should try getting a little creative with your compliments. I can’t lie, getting compliments is always nice and you feel like talking to the person when they start with something nice, but more of than not, people don’t mean it when they compliment you body part.
It is understandable that finding something else to compliment is tough, especially since it is the world of online dating where everything is based on appearances, but you should at least try. That trying will get you all the brownie points that you need.
- Don’t be sleazy
Even though I just asked you not to be sleazy and creepy, I feel like this one deserves a special point of its own. People think it is okay to do whatever the hell they want just because they are online, and therefore technically, out of reach. You cannot, no matter how familiar you are getting, ask for nudes and send nudes or do any of that crap when you are trying to talk to someone online.
- Find some common ground
Image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License
I realize I have been talking a lot about the things that you should not do when you are talking to someone online. So here is a tip that you can use when you are trying to make conversation with someone you matched with on Tinder. Imagine if you were on a real date with someone for the first time. The most basic rule is to find something that you are both interested in, and then commence to fangirl about it for the rest of your life.
The same applies to when you are talking to someone online. This is in fact, easier, because you don’t have to awkwardly look here and there when you find out that you have nothing in common. but, let us not be pessimistic. There must be something that you believe in, or something that you like that is the same for the both of you, and voila, you have a conversation.
Suggested read: 12 Dating Apps Other Than Tinder Which Aren’t A Total Waste Of Time
- Avoid talking about controversial things in the first conversation
I totally understand that it is important to have matching ideologies if you are trying to really vibe with someone. However, maybe hold that conversation till you get to know each other a little better. Whether it is a debate about politics or about which Hogwarts house is the best, it is better to avoid controversial topics such as these till you at least know that it won’t result in an instant unmatch.
Instead of imposing your views on them, or asking them aggressive as hell questions which could put them on their guard, you could maybe talk about their past, their present, the things they are doing and the things that they plan to do, in order to understand them a little, so that even if you have different views about important things, you have a premise on which you can judge the person, instead of judging them outright. AND VICE VERSA.
Let’s be honest, talking to people online is not easy. Because it is so common now, it has its own set of etiquettes and rules, which frankly, most people are unaware of. You need to be polite, funny, witty, decent, engaging, open, mysterious and so many other things that it can be exhausting sometimes. However, this is how it is, and if you are going to learn how to Tinder, then you gotta know how to talk to people on it.
When you are online, you tend to get carried away easily and get too creepy or too comfortable with people. You don’t want to be a creep. You want to make actual soul mates, and I honestly believe that it is possible to meet your soul mate online, so hold on, practice conversation and Tinder on!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License
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