Breakups can be tough, but people tend to make it much worse by doing some super dumb shit after they do breakup. Even though Hollywood has some pretty lame tips on how to survive a breakup, most of which includes eating ice-cream in your PJs while a hot friend rescues you and you make out with the first cute guy in a bar who turns out to be your soul mate. Here is some news for you: THAT IS GARBAGE. Breakups are awkward and irritating and sometimes even life-ruining, and there are a hundred things you can do to make yourself feel better, but chances are you won’t.
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Instead of going out of your way to force your unwilling body to do things that you should not, here are a few things that you should definitely INOT do after a breakup, unless you want to ruin your life forever and live for the rest of your days without a shred of dignity or self-respect. Here is the completely guide on how to survive a breakup, simply by exercising a little self control and not doing the following things.
Suggested read: The Ex-lessons: 10 lessons to take away from breakups
1. Don’t take up stalking as a profession
A lot of people are taken in by the idea of becoming professional stalkers after they break up, so advice #1 is to control yourself and stick to your chosen career path. A drastic change right now is not what you are looking for. I understand that you want to know everything about your ex, whether they are happy, whether they have moved on, whether they are constipated, how many litres of water they have drunk to gauge how much they have cried, etc. but stalking is going to make you even more miserable than you are. Also, having a refraining order against you is highly inconvenient and you won’t even be able to do the bare minimum stalking.
2. Don’t engage in criminal activities
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Breakups can trigger a lot of emotions, one of them being violence. If you are feeling like breaking things and ruining your ex’s life, my advice is- don’t. If your gut is telling you to burn the new girl’s hair, don’t. If your anger is compelling you to make a wax doll of your ex and stick pins into it, then too, try to refrain yourself. Channel all that energy into something productive like joining the gym or building a house or adopting 36 pets, but don’t try to become a murderer, because it will distract you from your true purpose in life.
3. Don’t get plastic surgery
Some people seem to be under the impression that changing up the way you look, or getting a new hairstyle, or breast implants, or steroids or wearing different clothes is going to help you get over your breakup. My opinion is- it won’t. It will make you look weird and different and the few friends that you had in your life will leave you. You and your ex broke up for a reason, and changing the way you look is not going to help you get revenge or get over them or get them back. If they do come back to you after you change up the way you look, then you should dump them anyway because that ho is shallow AF.
4. Don’t become an alcoholic
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In keeping with the general idea Hollywood romanticizing breakups, don’t become an alcoholic and pretend that it numbs the pain. It makes you feel more pain because you get bloated, and you throw up in various bathrooms and get banned from some of your favourite places and you also irritate innocent bystanders with your sob-story. Save yourself, and everyone else the trouble and don’t become a drunken mess because you lost a partner. If you do, you are going to lose your social life too.
5. Don’t become a serial one-night stander
Sleeping around with random people might seem like a great idea at first. You might think this will make you miss you ex less, or make them jealous, or help you find the next person you can post cute selfies with, but honestly, it won’t. Having a one-night stand with randos everywhere won’t give you relief, but it might give you an STD. However, dealing with the STD might take your mind off your ex, but that sounds a little extreme, don’t you think? Try out other safe methods of taking your mind off things, than sleeping with the first person you set eyes on.
Suggested read: 8 Of The Most Common Mistakes You MUST Avoid After The Breakup
6. Don’t pretend you are still together
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There is a point after you break up when you pretend that nothing really happened and you are totally chill and the bestest friends in the world. Only, the problem is your ex might not feel the same way, so when you send them random texts and posts pictures of the two of you and keep tagging them in memes, they get creeped out. They are confused, and they are scared and they start avoiding you and this too might lead to a restraining order.
7. Don’t start engaging in high-risk sports
You have broken up, and you don’t see the point of carrying on with life, and you don’t have a care in the world, and you don’t want to take extreme steps like killing yourself, so you have decided to go on a rock climbing adventure without equipment, or gone swimming with sharks or don’t weird things where you are constantly risking your life? Pack your bags and go home. There is no point doing something you don’t want to do, by showing no one at all how little you care about yourself, because the only person this tomfoolery is going to affect, is your family.
8. Don’t clear out your bank account for a “healing” holiday
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If you think spending your entire life’s savings to go to Bali or the Bahamas just to sit on the beach and cry and not be able to see hot people or the beautiful sunset because there is water constantly in your eyes is a good idea, let me tell you it is not. It is dumb, and it is something you are going to regret within a week when all you will be able to afford is a McChicken burger to deal with life. Also, your ex, no matter how amazing and angelic does not deserve such a ridiculous amount of money spent on them, where you don’t even get to have the best vacation ever. Only go on expensive holidays when someone willing to take drop-dead gorgeous pictures of the real happy you, comes along.
9. Don’t hysterically laugh at everything everyone says
I understand that you want the world to know that you have moved on, and that everything is chill. The point is, you don’t have to. The more you laugh at things that are honestly unfunny, the more psycho you become. People won’t think you are normal, they will know that the breakup is finally driving you crazy and you are becoming hysterical. If you feel like crying, pretend you are Katherine Heigl and eat ice-cream in your PJs and cry, but don’t pretend to be something you are not, after a breakup and in life in general.
10. Don’t humour friends who are hell bent on ruining your life
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It is natural for you to confide in your “friends” after you have broken up. It is also natural for your friends to give you advice that they think will make you feel better or will help you get over your ex faster. However, some of these so-called friends might give you really shit advice and encourage you to do dumb things which are super counter-productive, which is when you need to steer clear of their highly-illuminating presence. In fact, you can get a little closure by dumping these friends.
Suggested read: 9 Surefire Tips On What To Do After A Breakup To Cheer Yourself Up
11. Don’t treat Facebook like a diary
Getting carried away on Facebook is one of the most common, and most stupid things that people do when they are trying to figure out how to survive a breakup. Putting up statuses like “Looking for recommendations on where to get ready-made nooses pls DM” is highly advised against, because if you are grieving, it makes no sense to tell your two thousand friends on Facebook how awful your life has become. Also, refrain from ranting in your statuses about your personal problems and making it public hoping your ex or someone close to your ex will see it and show it to them. Firstly because that is super desperate, and secondly, because it is super irritating for other people to scroll through 95 lines of ranting that is not relevant to them in any way.
Surviving a breakup is easy once you know what are the things you should definitely not be doing. Now you can check the things that you could do, which don’t compel you to compromise on your dignity.
Featured image source: Google, copyright free image, under Creative Commons License
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